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You can meet up with him to test his sincerity. I am very concerned about the "counseling" offer because that typically causes enormous trouble. You never know what you will get with the average counselor and if one suggests something destructive [very common!] then you are doomed. So, I would strongly suggest you avoid counseling and stick to the principles of this program.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Even his individual counseling could be quite negative.
It often serves to focus on the wayward's wants and needs and not usually on doing the 'right thing'.
It is nice that he states that he is willing to meet the list of conditions you sent.
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Even his individual counseling could be quite negative. Individual counseling is usually the worst because counselors do not understand wayward fog and are prone to assist the wayward in achieving desires that are fueled by the fog. I have heard Dr Harley tell a BS that he is likely to end up divorced if his WW goes to counseling. They help spouses achieve independence in conflict with the marriage.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I would block individual counselling and make him pay for the MB course perhaps by selling something. (most people say the online course works well).
I'm concerned by his desire for IC because it means he is still very self focused. So if I were you I'd want to see him put his money where his mouth is.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Ok, so I will tell him to hold off on the counseling. I think he offered since I had suggested it after D-Day. I will ask to meet tonight while the kids are in dance class, to test the waters and tell him I don't think individual counseling is necessary, just yet. He does have a lot of baggage from his childhood, that he should have gotten counseling for like way before we ever met. I do believe IC was free, we don't have the funds right now but I'll see how we can come up with the funds to make MB phone counseling possible.
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He does have a lot of baggage from his childhood, that he should have gotten counseling for like way before we ever met. . Leave his childhood in the past where it belongs and focus on his ADULT problems. Going to counseling to talk about ones childhood is an utter waste of time that will make your situation worse. Please abandon that line of thinking.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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If you can swing it, I would get into the online program. It is pricey at $1000. However, you can do the whole program on your own with the help of the forum and the radio show.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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He does have a lot of baggage from his childhood, that he should have gotten counseling for like way before we ever met. . Leave his childhood in the past where it belongs and focus on his ADULT problems. Going to counseling to talk about ones childhood is an utter waste of time that will make your situation worse. Please abandon that line of thinking. I will tell him to forget I mentioned counseling. $1000 is a little steep for us right now (not that it is not worth it), so I will see which way we can do this. He agreed to meet me while the older kids are at dance class.
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So, the meeting went well. He wrote the letter just like in the book. I will mail it tomorrow. He is cancelling counseling. He agreed to all the EP but tried to negotiate technical accountability and I told him it was not up to negotiation, he either accepted all my terms or not. He agreed, so he is back home. Kids are so happy to have him back. Now, where do I go from here? I think we need to work on Love busters first but guidance is really appreciated.
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So, the meeting went well. He wrote the letter just like in the book. I will mail it tomorrow. He is cancelling counseling. He agreed to all the EP but tried to negotiate technical accountability and I told him it was not up to negotiation, he either accepted all my terms or not. He agreed, so he is back home. Kids are so happy to have him back. Now, where do I go from here? I think we need to work on Love busters first but guidance is really appreciated. So how are you going to hold him to the technical accountability? Can you sign up for the MB online program?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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So, the meeting went well. He wrote the letter just like in the book. I will mail it tomorrow. He is cancelling counseling. He agreed to all the EP but tried to negotiate technical accountability and I told him it was not up to negotiation, he either accepted all my terms or not. He agreed, so he is back home. Kids are so happy to have him back. Now, where do I go from here? I think we need to work on Love busters first but guidance is really appreciated. So how are you going to hold him to the technical accountability? Can you sign up for the MB online program? He agreed to allow me to track his phone and I am installing key logger on the computer he uses. We cannot afford the MB right now but I am trying to see how I come up with some money for that or the counseling sessions. If not I guess, it'll have to be with y'alls help and the radio show and material Dr. Harley has online and his books.
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So, the meeting went well. He wrote the letter just like in the book. I will mail it tomorrow. He is cancelling counseling. He agreed to all the EP but tried to negotiate technical accountability and I told him it was not up to negotiation, he either accepted all my terms or not. He agreed, so he is back home. Kids are so happy to have him back. Now, where do I go from here? I think we need to work on Love busters first but guidance is really appreciated. Is it possible for the two of you to go on a vacation for a couple weeks?
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So, the meeting went well. He wrote the letter just like in the book. I will mail it tomorrow. He is cancelling counseling. He agreed to all the EP but tried to negotiate technical accountability and I told him it was not up to negotiation, he either accepted all my terms or not. He agreed, so he is back home. Kids are so happy to have him back. Now, where do I go from here? I think we need to work on Love busters first but guidance is really appreciated. Is it possible for the two of you to go on a vacation for a couple weeks? I wish, money is tight, the best I might be able to do is a night or 2. baby is breastfed and never been away from me...
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Did he change all his contact information?
Please remind me again. What methods did he use to carry on his affair?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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He agreed to allow me to track his phone and I am installing key logger on the computer he uses. r. Harley has online and his books. Susie, I want to point out that he doesn't have to "agree" to any snooping that you do from here on out. You just do it, you don't tell him about it. If he is honestly wishing to recover, every time that you "catch" him doing what he said that he is doing, it will help you to slowly rebuild trust for his actions. I would highly recommend that you purchase at least two VARs (voice activated recorders), and place them in areas where he would be prone to talk on the phone. His car? A bathroom?
DDays - six months of them THANK YOU God and Marriage Builders. We never knew that it could be this good! 
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If you can get away together.....DO!!!!!
Find someone who is able to care for the kids and GO.
Two night won't cut it.
BTW, though your child has never been away from you and is BF.......you and your H must put each other and saving the marital relationship OVER that! (I understand your instinct to not put your child through angst from not being with you to bf but know the saving of the marriage trumps your child being bereft for several days trying to make sense of mom not being there to nurse him/her).
This is a crucial time of YOU putting your H first over other things. He is saying he is willing to put YOU over the OW to save his family.
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[
He agreed to allow me to track his phone and I am installing key logger on the computer he uses. He doesn't know about these spy resources, right? Any spy resource he knows about is useless.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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If you can get away together.....DO!!!!!
Find someone who is able to care for the kids and GO.
Two night won't cut it.
BTW, though your child has never been away from you and is BF.......you and your H must put each other and saving the marital relationship OVER that! (I understand your instinct to not put your child through angst from not being with you to bf but know the saving of the marriage trumps your child being bereft for several days trying to make sense of mom not being there to nurse him/her).
This is a crucial time of YOU putting your H first over other things. He is saying he is willing to put YOU over the OW to save his family. I am not so worried about the baby dealing with my absence, the thing is I don't have anyone to leave him with that will be willing to deal with a cranky baby that misses his momma. The older 2 can deal with it, and I have a long list of people I can leave them with. The baby, I don't think anyone will want to keep him for more than a few hours if he is cranky and angtsy. More than 2 nights would be financially impossible, too... [
He agreed to allow me to track his phone and I am installing key logger on the computer he uses. He doesn't know about these spy resources, right? Any spy resource he knows about is useless. Only the phone tracker because the stupid phone company sends txts about once a month about it. No way to stop them and no idea when they will send it. He doesn't know about the computer and as soon as we get the second car, he will be taking the one I am using now, instead of his work truck, so I will put a VAR in that car.
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Did he change all his contact information?
Please remind me again. What methods did he use to carry on his affair? We are changing his cellphone number saturday. I have access to his phone and fb and email accounts. He would only use a phone. A prepaid phone, after he confessed the 1st time. and then another prepaid when I took the 1st one, I have both which simply means he could buy another one but I know she changed her number. And her husband is also following EP. I am getting a copy of his work hours and access to his pay stub, so I will know how much his check is and what he spends, and where. On a positive note, he got home within 45 mins of the end of his work day (which is just about the time it takes with traffic at that time of day). Only stopping at the grocery store by my request.
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Prepaid phones...very convenient but very problematic when battling affairs.
My wife used at least one too.
I think WalMart should just label them 'Affair Phones" since they are often used for affairs and drug dealing
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