He said he knows it's all part of my "master plan". I said what do you mean? And he said I don't know. You just have a plan. He's so mad.

The MB plan for an affair is the best one out there. There's a plan for recovery for the marriage after an affair AND a plan for personal recovery for the betrayed spouse if the affair continues.

Keep yourself focused on the goal - to kill the affair with the entire arsenal you have at your disposal, with all your logic. Your H is running on emotion and has no plan, making reactive decisions.

Locate the info for the OW and expose to her contacts. If your H does not agree today to quit his job or transfer, notify his boss/HR.

If you need to, please see a doctor for ADs to see you through this very stressful time.

Off course he is fuming, let him fume. Do everything you can to expose the OW to her family and friends.... it does wonders!

thank you. Working on it. I will find that information today.not giving up.

I just went through all this and I was so reluctant to expose, then to follow most of the advice. I am a SAHM with an infant, too. I am far from recovery but hopefully heading that way. My husband actually left and came back too many times until I told him to leave. It was the most peaceful days of no contact and guess what, must have been horrible for him cause he came back, willing to do whatever I asked but that is because the affair was finally over.

Your WH's actions, his choice to have an affair, is what will change your kids perception of him, not you telling them the truth.

I assume you both strive to raise decent kids with a strong moral compass, and a sense of right and wrong. Well then if they frown on someone who is doing immoral things, as well as things that are hurting them, then you are doing a good job! Our character IS what we do, and his character is not a shining example of 'good dad' right now, that is how they are going to see him. That has absolutely nothing to do with you being honest with them, but everything to do with his own actions.

If he refers to your 'master plan' you can assure him that the only plan you have is to fight for your marriage and family.

Mad is good. Mad means you have made an impact.

When you exposed to his friends from work, did you hear back from any of them? If you have any known allies there, could you use them to get info on OW, since she also works there?

Stick with it, jk!! You have the affair on the ropes and if you can expose to her family and to the workplace you will kill this affair.


The fact that he is looking for an apartment means he is not serious. And you should expose to his workplace.

"Yes they are heartbroken about your affair"
"I'm sorry your affair is embarrassing you. We love you"
"They love you and are very worried about you"

She has ended it. He has put in for a transfer, and requested a shift change in the meantime. He has not committed to work with me.

He said that just because it's ended doesn't mean that he automatically wants to reconcile. I told him I know that, but staying in the affair automatically means we don't.

Good answer, but I would say you will actually need to see him serious about the recovery before even contemplating it.

It sounds like the A has gone underground and he is behaving like you're an option... Because you still are.

A man who is still going 'eeny meeny miny mo' about the marriage still has a mistress.

Tell him recovery won't start until he has written the NC letter and changed all contact details.

That crack about not wanting to recover was supposed to make you dissolve into neediness and allow wiggle room for the A to continue.

Give him the conditions checklist and tell him he either does it, convincing you of his enthusiasm to do so, or he needs to find a place to stay.

The affair has not ended, I assure you. You need to go full speed ahead and expose the affair to her side. Did you find her contact info?

I can assure you this is true... I did not listen and it took another whole month before the affair ended and that only happened after I went to a parking lot and sat in my car with my 3 kids for 3 hours waiting for my WH and OW to come back to his parked work truck... My kids witness me lose my control completely and engage in a fight, something I have never done before in my life but let me assure you it was not in vain, That was the turning point were their affair ended. I think that her seeing my kids want to get into it with her did open her eyes at the amount of damage their affair was causing. The OW was someone my kids and I knew all too well. Would I take this route again? I don't think I'd fight again, much less with my kids witnessing it. I did talk to my kids and explain, that is not the way to solve a conflict. Anyway, my point is that I was told over and over again by Melody and others that my husband was not done with the affair but I refused to believe them or follow any advice they gave me. The affair has ended, I kind of went into plan B but after it ended because he was acting like a jerk and picking up fights, I was too worried of where he'd stay and how he'd support us and himself. Until I had enough of his emotional abuse and told him to leave. I was taking a risk as I am a SAHM but since at that point I knew OWH was taking precautions, too. I knew he wouldn't leave the kids and I hanging financially, at least not immediately. Sure enough he was homeless from Thursday night til this past Tuesday... He came home with his tail between the legs. Things are slowly progressing, still lots of work to do but nothing would be possible without breaking up the affair 100%.

I can't find her. All I have found is her past employer. I know what town she came from and when she started working here.

I did a spokeo and got a man's name, different last name, in her old hometown, but no address and no other info.

Most PIs can do a quick background check for $300-350 and that would be invaluable to you. This information might be the key to killing this affair.

When I talked to him today, he was concerned about me getting her fired. I told him that ending the affair and saving my family is my number one priority, and I spelled out that I meant absolutely no contact between them, even verbal. I want to visit their precinct with all four kids and a plate of cookies for the officers.

What do you think of me contacting her? Would that be a bad idea?

Is he planning on leaving that job within 30 days? If not, you should move ahead NOW and expose them at work.

You have no hope as long as they work at the same place. None.