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What do you think of me contacting her? Would that be a bad idea? I would contact her. YES. And you should go up to his workplace, and visit him with your kids in tow and drop in on her. But more importantly, you MUST find her family and you have to get him out of that job.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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] I told him that ending the affair and saving my family is my number one priority, and I spelled out that I meant absolutely no contact between them, even verbal. Did you spell out that he has to LEAVE THAT JOB?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Yes. He's not quitting the job but taking a different shift until he can be transferred to a different location.
Me BW
Married 18 years before D-day
Kiddos - 15, 13, 6, 1
D-day - 10/14/14 Plan B - 11/30/14
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The shifts don't overlap at all.
Me BW
Married 18 years before D-day
Kiddos - 15, 13, 6, 1
D-day - 10/14/14 Plan B - 11/30/14
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I can't find her. All I have found is her past employer. I know what town she came from and when she started working here.
I did a spokeo and got a man's name, different last name, in her old hometown, but no address and no other info. No guarantee, but you could try signing up temporarily with freephonetracer dot com. They can give you a name and address of the person who is the account holder of a cell phone IF it is not a throwaway phone.
DDays - six months of them THANK YOU God and Marriage Builders. We never knew that it could be this good! 
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I can't find her. All I have found is her past employer. I know what town she came from and when she started working here. Can you find any of her relatives in her old town? Have you looked in whitepages.com?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I have been all through white pages
Me BW
Married 18 years before D-day
Kiddos - 15, 13, 6, 1
D-day - 10/14/14 Plan B - 11/30/14
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What do you think of me contacting her? Would that be a bad idea? I would contact her. YES. And you should go up to his workplace, and visit him with your kids in tow and drop in on her. But more importantly, you MUST find her family and you have to get him out of that job. What would you say? I can think of lots of things, most of them not very productive.
Me BW
Married 18 years before D-day
Kiddos - 15, 13, 6, 1
D-day - 10/14/14 Plan B - 11/30/14
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What do you think of me contacting her? Would that be a bad idea? I would contact her. YES. And you should go up to his workplace, and visit him with your kids in tow and drop in on her. But more importantly, you MUST find her family and you have to get him out of that job. What would you say? I can think of lots of things, most of them not very productive. There's some in here for BWs also. "I encourage BHs to Confront OM" Dr Harley
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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I can't find her. All I have found is her past employer. I know what town she came from and when she started working here.
I did a spokeo and got a man's name, different last name, in her old hometown, but no address and no other info. No guarantee, but you could try signing up temporarily with freephonetracer dot com. They can give you a name and address of the person who is the account holder of a cell phone IF it is not a throwaway phone. Did you try this?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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What do you think of me contacting her? Would that be a bad idea? I would contact her. YES. And you should go up to his workplace, and visit him with your kids in tow and drop in on her. But more importantly, you MUST find her family and you have to get him out of that job. What would you say? I can think of lots of things, most of them not very productive. Tell her that there is no future for her with your husband because she will be eternally hated by your children and the inlaws for her part in breaking up your marriage. Tell her she will be NEVER be accepted by the family. Let her know that if this goes to divorce you will have her subpoenaed to give sworn testimony about her adultery with your husband. With that will come "discovery" when they subpoena her email and phone records. Just let her know that hell is coming her way!!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I can't find her. All I have found is her past employer. I know what town she came from and when she started working here.
I did a spokeo and got a man's name, different last name, in her old hometown, but no address and no other info. No guarantee, but you could try signing up temporarily with freephonetracer dot com. They can give you a name and address of the person who is the account holder of a cell phone IF it is not a throwaway phone. Did you try this? I tried it. Same deal as spokeo. A man's name with a different last name, city which is where she used to live, no address or other names.
Me BW
Married 18 years before D-day
Kiddos - 15, 13, 6, 1
D-day - 10/14/14 Plan B - 11/30/14
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I also tried calling her. Several times. No answer. I'll try again tomorrow.
Me BW
Married 18 years before D-day
Kiddos - 15, 13, 6, 1
D-day - 10/14/14 Plan B - 11/30/14
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Did you do a background check on the man's name or check Facebook? It could be an ex or family member. This could help you find her family.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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I looked for him, too.
I ended up leaving her a message. I really wanted to hear her voice, but it is probably just as well that I didn't.
Me BW
Married 18 years before D-day
Kiddos - 15, 13, 6, 1
D-day - 10/14/14 Plan B - 11/30/14
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WH is so upset that I told the kids. He isn't so mad about the other people I told, but he thinks I made him the enemy. That I turned the kids against him. And I know that his actions did that, and I know they would have found out anyway, but the fact that I told them is killing him. I'm afraid I went too far. Tell me I did the right thing.
Me BW
Married 18 years before D-day
Kiddos - 15, 13, 6, 1
D-day - 10/14/14 Plan B - 11/30/14
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jk,
Please...every time he complains simply say "I will not lie to my children to cover up your adultery"
"yes the children are devastated that you are placing an adulterous relationship above our family"
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This is your script: jk,
Please...every time he complains simply say "I will not lie to my children to cover up your adultery"
"yes the children are devastated that you are placing an adulterous relationship above our family" Your children are suffering as a direct result of his affair. You did the right thing; children usually figure it out anyway. If they don't figure it out, they still know something is wrong and make up reasons that often put the blame on themselves. You did right in telling them. Your H is embarrassed and angry. He SHOULD be embarrassed; he did a dreadful thing which resulted in one of the most painful and awful things he could have done to you...and to his children. Don't cave. And don't apologize for telling the truth.
Married 1980
DDay Nov 2010
Recovered thanks to Marriage Builders
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Ok, that's exactly what I said. And that they know he still loves them, even though he screwed up.
No pun intended.
Me BW
Married 18 years before D-day
Kiddos - 15, 13, 6, 1
D-day - 10/14/14 Plan B - 11/30/14
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Wonders never cease. OW just sent me a text. Let me know she got my message. She understands. It is over. Please leave her alone.
WH went into work early to talk to his supervisor about how soon he can switch shifts.
Me BW
Married 18 years before D-day
Kiddos - 15, 13, 6, 1
D-day - 10/14/14 Plan B - 11/30/14
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