She threw her career and her reputation away by having a workplace affair. She must be dumber than a post.

Had the conversation with him. Had him take a break from work and meet me in a parking lot so we'd be away from kids. It was rough. I'll post about it later when kids are in bed.

For now, please someone tell me success stories from waywards who say they don't even want it to work out with you.

There are many here. You just need to stick to your plans to ensure you have the best chance possible. Getting to the OW's parents and family is an important key.

That is the opposite of how I feel right now. I just had to keep telling myself that if I let this go the way he wants, we're through. There's no way to make it worse than that.

I realized today that he wasn't asking hopefully if I thought this would save our marriage. He was saying I am ridiculous for thinking it will.

I am scared that his most recent impression of me is not "good, loving wife" it is "crazy, vindictive b*tch".

Can you please summarize the meeting? If you don't go along with his affair, he will portray you as a "crazy, vindictive, [censored]." So we are not concerned that he has that view; it is an expectation.

We are concerned that you are doing every thing to kill this affair and save your marriage. We are trying to help you save your marriage.

Our goal is to save your marriage, and I get the feeling that your goal is to avoid his anger at all cost.

Good for you for getting your dad involved. Besides searching for info about skanko, I hope he will talk to your H and encourage him to end his affair.

When you are talking with your H, keep in mind you are talking to a foggy addict. He's not going to make a lot of sense. He's not thinking logically. Don't take anything he says seriously right now. Always be calm and pleasant with him. Avoid arguing.

I am sorry but I would not be excited about anything he says unless there is some action to back it up.

What about his plans to get an apartment? Is he willing to write skank a NC letter?

Tell me success stories of people who have had to call hr. Y'all, he's facing harassment charges if I call. He'll be ruined.

And I KNOW he brought it on himself, but if I didn't care about him I would have just let him go. I care what happens to him, even if he does leave me.

I feel like I'm losing my mind.

Until you have exposed to OW family and gotten him out of that workplace, you have to assume the affair is still on, purple. And cannot put much hope into anything that he SAYS.

Your best bet is to tell your H that you are going to call HR and that if you do, he is likely to lose his job. That's why he needs to give notice and leave the job.

Dr. Harley gives the best guidance on to help save a marriage when someone is having an affair. Every step doesn't work for every person, but the overall plan can be very successful. It's your best plan for now. If your H doesn't leave his job, call HR. He knows the consequences of a workplace affair and chose it anyway.

Then he needs to leave the job before they find out. AND THEY WILL FIND OUT! How about summarizing the discussion you had with him?

Covering up his reckless and irresponsible behavior is not a demonstration of "love." Helping him hide his crimes harms you, him and your children. Even so, you are offering him an OUT. If he doesn't want to be exposed at work for his reckless and irresponsible behavior, he can resign or transfer.

I will tell you about a success story at my previous job. The betrayed wife of our Region VP called every extension in our office and said "My husband, RW, is having an affair with DM. Please call Human Resources and have them call me at XXX-XXX-XXXX." Our Region VP was escorted off the premises the next day by an armed security guard and the Director of Human Resources. The affair ended THAT DAY and I know for a fact that this couple recovered and is still together 15 years later.

That lady had some serious balls. And that is what it takes to save a marriage. Being timid and weak will not save a marriage.

Ok, meeting summary.

I told him that after talking to him this morning, I realized he is still going to see her all the time even if he changes shifts. He said no I won't (of course). I said you will see her in the office, in the parking lot, and he was looking at me like I had lost it. I said in your head. Everything there makes you think of her. It's full of triggers. He said there's no difference between the office and anywhere else. I didn't see her there, I saw her out on calls. (My thoughts: bs, and if it is true, then all the more reason for leaving job and town.) I said if you were addicted to crack, don't you think the place where you scored it would be a trigger? This is when he started getting angry, and I realized I was trying to reason with someone who's beyond reason. I told him I want to believe you when you say it's over and when you say you won't see her on third shift, and I want to believe that you're not moving to an apartment so she can visit you there (got another wth look at that) but you have lied and lied and lied to me. He started with "i didn't want to tell you because my leaving isn't about her" and I cut him off and said for months before you told me you were leaving you lied about where you were and what you were doing and who you were with. He said I get it, I'm a liar. I told him he's the most honest person I have ever known (this is true- current circumstances excepted of course.)

I said you need to get out of that building. Either transfer or quit. He said he's looking for positions in other departments (that would be a quick transfer) but there aren't any open right now. I said then I think you need to quit. And you need to choose to end it, and you need to write her a letter telling her it's over and let me mail it. And you need to commit to a recovery program. He said a recovery program?!? You want me to go into a program?? I said I don't mean you need to check into a place, I mean you need to go through recovery with me. He said I don't even want to make it work with you. I told him I didn't expect him to commit to long term right now, but to going through a program of recovery until he's through the withdrawal from her.

He didn't say anything for a while. Then He said I hate third shift. Hate it. I said I know. He said But I am switching. And now you have all these other demands?! Where are you coming up with this?? I didn't say anything. He said this sounds crazy! I had a little bit if an outburst here. Told him that I thought f***ing his subordinate while his pregnant wife was at home worrying that he was dead somewhere was crazy to me.
Then I got myself back under control. I told him that maybe if he tells his boss what is going on, and he doesn't have to tell who the A is with, his boss can get him out of there quickly. Otherwise, he's going to have to quit. And I realize that may mean moving to a different city or state to find work. And if he is willing to commit to recovery then I will go with him, because I value our marriage over being close to my family and friends.
He said and you think THIS is the way to do it?! I said I think it's my only chance. He got called and had to get back to work. I told him I really don't want to call your boss, but I will. You need to make your decision quickly.

Somebody said I seem like I'm trying to avoid his anger. He doesn't get angry easily. Never has. I remember him being really angry with me only a handful of times. This is the angriest I have ever seen hi . Ever. And the fact that it's directed at me is breaking my heart even more. At least before I found out about the A, when he was just leaving me for no reason, he still didn't hate me. He still hung out and chatted with me. He still held the baby so I could eat. Believe me, I know that this was all going to end anyway, but having him look at me like that just really hurt.