Your IM shouldn't be communicating that to you. You are giving him access, which is all you are required to do. Just let your IM know the days he sees her are set in stone. If he can't make a day, then he misses a turn until the next one. "Those are the only days available" should be her stock reply. "If you can't make a certain day, you need to give 48 hours notice for PW to find a sitter. (Of course really you will always be prepared for a no notice no show) " let me know if you can't make it to any of the scheduled visitation days".

He can't expect the accommodation of a co-parent and teammate now. This is what divorce is like. Welcome to reality pal.

It will also make him a better parent. His way he would be scheduling in his child after he has scheduled in dates with OW or just screwing with the schedule to get a response from you.

Even if he DOES give you notice do not let him change the dates. Routine is important for your child. You ideally want it ticking over with such regularity that the IM is hardly needed.

Yeah, he is trying to slip notes under the door. Picking fights with my IM, etc. All I can think is: this is what you said you wanted. To be free. Now he is free and just wants to torture me.

I don't get it. No...I do. Because really being done with a relationship means walking away from it and not wanting to bother/mess with the other person. That was how it was with my other significant relationship (before my husband). When we broke up, it was hard, but we didn't try torture each other. We never did the living together thing (I didn't with my husband either) and so there wasn't too much to discuss or disentangle at the end. There was a bit of emotional back and forth for a couple of weeks, but then we sort of both just stopped realizing that it wasn't going to go anywhere.

I sort of feel that it SHOULD be the same with divorce if its a considered decision. But it hasn't been. Because he doesn't actually want to divorce me (or didn't really think about what it would be like before he decided in his head he was no longer married to me). He just wants to make he his bad guy so that he can continue his affair.

I would say it the other way, PW. He just wants his affair, and so he has to make you the bad guy.

But he ALSO doesn't want to divorce you.

Absolutely right Catwhit! Absolutely right.

And all of this created drama around seeing my daughter...now he is going out of town for the weekend and won't see her anyway (which means he got someone to cover for him at work...so he could have seen her, which is what he said he wanted to do).

Great news...my mom is coming to stay and be my intermediary with my daughter. I have had so many issues because he keeps trying to break my plan B by not dropping my Daughter back off at daycare and just waiting for me to come home with her in order to access me (we don't have family in the area and I have had trouble getting a physical intermediary). So now, even if he comes to the door, he will be meeting my mom, not me!! I will be out or at least in another room. Thank God. Thank God!!!

I'm actually crying tears of joy right now. This is the first time in a long time I have felt like there is any justice in my life.

This great. How long will she be staying?

As long as I need

Good. So once she gets there go dark.

I will. I litterally just got an insane reaction from someone I exposed to last week (I didn't hear from her all week and she just went nuts on me today). It's ridiculous when someone says you deserve to be cheated on by exposing the affair. Oh well. I can understand the "I don't want to get involved line. Lots of people are made deeply uncomfortable by this sort of thing and it takes A LOT of moral courage to say something. But to lash out at the wronged party is crazy. Of course, I am portrayed as the nutty one for having the gall to say anything

Yes...there are people who react nuts to hearing the truth.
I think it hits a nerve in them somehow and they project back at the betrayed.

It is all about them though and not you.

Piglet,

I exposed OM and months went by....finally his brother messaged me back and told me to "grow a pair!" (he was upset about exposure).

Ironically, this was after divorce was finalized!!

There are many toxic people in this world and exposure does help you see who your true friends are.

Yeah, she was terribly insane. This was her post:

"So your plan to end this hurtful behavior is to involve people who have no business knowing or have anything to do with your [censored] up marriage?? And how do you suppose this is going to help?
After first reading your message I was planning on just ignoring it and simply tell you to leave me out of it, after all it is none of my business. But then after reading that you�ve told lots of people, I changed my mind. I chose to leave V16 for this very reason but it seems that I cannot escape the drama.
1. you claim that you do not want to cause any drama but that is the only thing that you are doing. By involving people who have absolutely nothing to do with this situation is simply childish and a straight up [censored] move. No wonder he cheated on you.
2. How does bringing something like this to light help out your situation? Is this your plan to �win him back?� Because I would love to see how this plays out for you. Not only are you running his career but I can�t imagine him being happy to hear that you are telling the whole world about your problems.
3. After hearing about all the people you�ve told, if I were J your plan to �end this hurtful behavior� would only encourage me to continue doing it. What does she have to lose? Absolutely nothing! Your so called husband on the other hand does. I hope you know that what you�ve done is give J more ammunition.
4. The only way that J is going to be forever gone from his life is if he wants her to be. Clearly, he doesn�t. This isn�t a one way street. Your so called husband is a grown man and capable of making his own decisions. If he has not stopped talking to her after all of your ultimatums and threats what makes you think he is ever going to? Especially now after you are adding more fuel to the fire.
Lastly, the only person I have sympathy for is your daughter. I too agree that no child should have to ever go through that but let�s not forget that your husband chose to put her in that situation. I respect the fact that you want to save your marriage but that doesn�t mean turning a blind eye to his actions and solely blaming the other party involved. Don�t be one of those girls who after being cheated on, defends her husband and tries to put the blame on the girl. That is completely cowardly and makes you look like an idiot.
I hope you know that I have zero allegiance to either one of them. I do not agree with what has happened but the way you are handling the situation is completely wrong. Again all of this is my opinion and am only vocalizing it because you approached me first. And just to put things into perspective, I lift with Jessica twice a week and not once has she mentioned ANYTHING about this situation. So if you want the whole world knowing your business, go right ahead but know that you are the only reason why this would happen.

That is all. Please NEVER contact me again. Good luck trying to �fix� your marriage.

Piglet,

Have you posted OW on Cheaterville?
If not, now is the time to

I have. It's comin up on Google searches of her name now.

Was that not s totally insane reaction?

She "supports" her friend, the OW.
With friends like that, who needs enemies?
She'd support her jumping off of a bridge too

Good luck to this OW's friend that OW doesn't go after her man/husband. You were trying to let her know to protect her own relationship/marriage.

She isn't married...which makes a lot of sense when you read this reply. OW has lost a lot of friends over this. This is one that stayed...destructive people seek out other destructive people.

She's desperate for friends poor love and has to settle for scum no matter if they hurt others. Her response to you is just defensive justification. Don't bother responding. You've got her thinking.