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He said he is moving out.
Me BW
Married 18 years before D-day
Kiddos - 15, 13, 6, 1
D-day - 10/14/14 Plan B - 11/30/14
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He said he is moving out. When will he be going? I would let him know he has 2 weeks to move out. You don't want him dawdling around at his leisure.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Me BW
Married 18 years before D-day
Kiddos - 15, 13, 6, 1
D-day - 10/14/14 Plan B - 11/30/14
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What is his plan? When will he be out?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Would you write out an exposure letter to the parents at that address, or just a "call me"? I am suddenly aware that I'm unsure this is the right place/people. OW has a common name.
Me BW
Married 18 years before D-day
Kiddos - 15, 13, 6, 1
D-day - 10/14/14 Plan B - 11/30/14
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Would you write out an exposure letter to the parents at that address, or just a "call me"? I am suddenly aware that I'm unsure this is the right place/people. OW has a common name. I would do both. Tell them you are unsure if this is their daughter but would appreciate a personal phone call.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Me BW
Married 18 years before D-day
Kiddos - 15, 13, 6, 1
D-day - 10/14/14 Plan B - 11/30/14
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purple: every county is different, every state is different. In my state, I can call the tax office and ask tons of questions...it's all public info. Try and call tax office and ask for 1. billing address of the owner. 2. who paid the property tax? 3. is there any other personal info they may have for you. It doesn't hurt to ask...they can always just say no. Or, if you don't want to go through all this, take a shot and just send the letter and hope it's the right people. We don't have much else to go on, until exposure. Once you confront the head boss at the job, face to face, then maybe they can confirm her age and the former address of the parents. Maybe they won't want to divulge, but there's a chance they will.
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I can't do it. I know you're going to tell me off. If you're done with me now, fine. I know that I have to assume the affair is still on. I just can't make myself expose to his boss. I do not have the stones.
Me BW
Married 18 years before D-day
Kiddos - 15, 13, 6, 1
D-day - 10/14/14 Plan B - 11/30/14
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I can't do it. I know you're going to tell me off. If you're done with me now, fine. I know that I have to assume the affair is still on. I just can't make myself expose to his boss. I do not have the stones. jk you wouldn't expose to the boss in person. You would send a letter to the Director of Human Resources, ccing his boss. Can you do this?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Me BW
Married 18 years before D-day
Kiddos - 15, 13, 6, 1
D-day - 10/14/14 Plan B - 11/30/14
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If you are unwilling to expose a workplace affair then you have no hope of saving your marriage. Why are you unwilling to expose this evil affair and kill it?
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Because I know my husband, and I know that even after the fog lifts he will not forgive me for that. So there is not point.
Me BW
Married 18 years before D-day
Kiddos - 15, 13, 6, 1
D-day - 10/14/14 Plan B - 11/30/14
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I did not expose my husband's affair to the workplace. If I did the OW would have been fired. I was too scared of the ramifications and getting my husband furious at me. He threatened me in that he would support her, if I were to get her fired...so I didn't. Now I look back and that was my biggest regret.
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Because I know my husband, and I know that even after the fog lifts he will not forgive me for that. So there is not point. You don't understand that you have nothing to lose at this point. You have already lost. Exposing at work is your only shot at saving your marriage. His forgiveness is not necessary. You don't need his forgiveness to save your marriage, you need his remorse and willingness to commit to the marriage. Something he will never have as long as he goes to the workplace every day and gets his fix of the OW. You have chosen the job over your marriage. As a result, you will be competing with the OW, and their future children, for his pay.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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You are enabling the affair. That comes at your expense and the expense of your children.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I have two equal, miserable fears.
1. I go to his bosses. He was telling the truth that it's over. He is fired, maybe faces charges, has to move to find work or has to take a new career, and never forgives me.
Or 2. I don't go to his bosses, this enables the affair, he's with ow long-term.
Me BW
Married 18 years before D-day
Kiddos - 15, 13, 6, 1
D-day - 10/14/14 Plan B - 11/30/14
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I have two equal, miserable fears.
1. I go to his bosses. He was telling the truth that it's over. He is fired, maybe faces charges, has to move to find work or has to take a new career, and never forgives me. It doesn't matter if it is "over." [which it is not] What matters is that the affair is exposed and he leaves that workplace. He can't be within 20 miles of her anymore. Your husband had a workplace affair, it doesn't matter if it is current or ended last week. The issue is the affair. Once again, you don't need his forgiveness. That is not a requirement or a condition of taking him back. Or 2. I don't go to his bosses, this enables the affair, he's with ow long-term. This is your future. And he will likely get her pregnant. Like I said, you will be competing with the OW and her children for his income if you leave it this way.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I have two equal, miserable fears.
1. I go to his bosses. He was telling the truth that it's over. He is fired, maybe faces charges, has to move to find work or has to take a new career, and never forgives me. WILD HORSES will not stop a wayward from reconciling his marriage if he is serious. Again, his "forgiveness" is not necessary because you have done nothing wrong. Anger over exposure is a sign of the FOG. If you get him out of there, his fog will likely dissipate. But if you continue to enable him, the fog will persist and his affair will persist. He is leaving you NOW for the OW and pretty soon it will be too late.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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purple: what does your in-laws have to say about all this? his siblings?
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