I don't feel they were doing it on my dime and it doesn't, I would let my kids live with me forever. Not their BFs but my kids......

I tried that too but he will not take the car from her

How was she bad, here? What was wrong with her letting boyfriend and you pay for her expenses while she looked around for a better deal?

Then you are part of the problem. Your kids will never grow up.

The BEST thing you can do for your daughter is to get her out of your house so that she can grow up.

I do not ever want my DD to live on her own, she has seizures during her sleep and has since she was 12, so she will not ever be alone at night either it scares her.

As our daughter neared adulthood, we discussed with her on many occasions the conditions under which she could continue to live at home:

1.) If she was going to a nearby college, she could live with us. We wouldn't expect rent, but we would expect her to be in school and working parttime to pay for her car insurance and little things. She also had to apply for scholarships.

2.) If she wasn't going to college but was working fulltime, she had to pay us rent. Now she didn't know that our plan was to set aside the rent money into a savings account for her future use, should she decide to attend college at a later date. If she lived under our roof, we expected her to continue to conform to a few rules that made living with another adult agreeable to us. For example, she couldn't bring boyfriends home to sleep overnight. She couldn't bring boyfriends home to sleep...period! She had to either be home at a reasonable hour or call us, because, after all, we still worried about her when she was home late.

She had her "issues" with us and certainly wasn't happy about some of our conditions, but it was our home and we figured that an adult living with parents is a privilege not a right. In the end, she lived at home while she attended school fulltime and worked fulltime and became engaged to a very nice young man. They married without having lived together first.

One reason she is very very selfish is because she is surrounded by people who enable her to be.

I can tell you one thing that is not going to bring her out of that, continuing to enable her.

Once again I do not pay for her expenses but the boyfriend did.....

S_C, she is 24 yrs old...not 14. I am not going to keep posting since it seems like you want to continue to make up excuses for DD. I know too many parents who do what you are doing (good intentions gone awry) and their kids are on their way to Loserville or are already losers...thanks in part to their parents enabling. My own parents were guilty of this with my younger brother until they finally kicked him out. Today, he looks back and is grateful my parents tossed him out.

DD is also displaying the traits of a thoughtless wayward. Ex-BF is lucky she broke up with him if he was too weak to do it himself. She can say she feels bad for ex-BF, but she doesn't feel bad enough to be decent and give him the car. She is lazy and selfish. Why you would have wanted her to marry ex-BF or anyone else is lost on me given her attitude. She would be a horrible wife.

And you love this bf and want them to stay together because he is the only person who will 'put up with her' which is another way of saying, you want them to stay together because he enables her and accepts her poor treatment. That is sad.

I agree with Black Raven, not really sure what you are looking for here?

Everyone knows you have the right intentions, but we are trying to point out to you how your very complaints and the reasons you have come here are happening in part because of YOUR contribution to the problem. You seem unwilling at this time to look in the mirror.

You can't fix your DD or her relationship, but you can stop enabling her behavior that you do not agree with, and can encourage her BF to do the same. You seem to be dead set against doing so though.

This too was my conditions for my children as they neared adulthood.

What my DD did however was to not go to school and work fulltime (then) and to call me to let me know she would not be home so I did not worry and then she met her BF and they dated and she was not allowed to have him spend the night at my house and after a little while they got an apartment together and then they moved from the apartment to a double and they have lived together for three years, then in April of this year when their lease was up is when I let them move in with me, I have not charged them rent just part of the utilities and groceries so I have no savings for her.

Yes she would be a horrible wife and maybe that is what I cannot take, that my own DD is such a horrible person

I am not saying that it is not in part my fault, I know that I have enabled her and I also do not know how to let her grow up other than kicking her out and I can't do that.

I can make the BF leave but that does nothing for my selfish DD except enable her even more.

How is that bad?

As far as that goes most people just let her be mean to them and do not say anything to her, I am one of the only ones that will tell her when she is being selfish.

What is bad is not giving the BF his fair share......

He seemed quite happy with the arrangement. He entered it willingly and enthusiastically. What's the problem?

I know what you are saying Markos but once again like I said it just makes me see even more what a selfish person my DD is and it is just sad sad sad.