I know that she is not but my heart doesn't and I don't like it. I have not told her that.

Your daughter is not a wayward. It is not an EA, and repeating yourself is not going to make it so.

Stop considering it an EA. It's not.

Stop telling her that.

No one suggested you disown your daughter. We only suggested you were in the wrong for enabling her to behave like an unpaid wh*re in your house. You are supposed to be the parent here, after all.


Yes you did condone it. You allowed her to shack up under your own roof.


Then why not leave it at that instead of making up ridiculous excuses for enabling your own daughter? Making all these excuses just makes you look like you are in denial and don't get it.


It is not an "EA" though, so you can stop considering it. If I "consider" that I am the Queen of England, it does not mean it is true. It just means I am in denial of reality.

He who trusts in his own heart is a fool, But he who walks wisely will be delivered. Proverbs 28:26

I said I have NOT told her that, I would not do that and I know what you all are saying about her not being married I just cannot wrap my head around all of this and I will miss her relationship with this BF and it was just so crappy

So, don't wrap your head around it.
Drop it. Move on.

]

We did not condone it three years ago when they moved in together.

Right now I am having a problem with that and the entire reason I started this thread to begin with.

Yes you did. If you allow someone to do something in your home, you are condoning it by your actions.

She moved in with him 3 years ago and we did not want her to do I think that means we did not condone it at the time.

Then like I said 7 months ago I made a wrong decision and allowed it then so I did condone it 7 months ago but not 3 years ago when it originally happened.

You condoned it by your actions when you allowed them to shack up under your own roof.

Yes 7 months ago not 3 years ago

YES. You condoned it by your own actions.

Stop splitting hairs.

And the answer to your problem is to stop doing it.
Stop thinking about it. Stop trying to wrap your head around it. Stop.

OMG I am not splitting hairs, I know I made a mistake by letting them live here and just because you say stop doesn't mean I can right at this moment.

It BOTHERS me regardless of it being my fault. Is it not allowed to bother me that my DD is acting in a way that I do not like?

Yes I know that it shouldn't but it does not change the fact that it does and I don't like it.

I still cannot talk to my daughter the way I did before she broke up with the BF. And if she dates this OS friend it will be hard for me to accept him even if it is wrong.

Man I have so much stuff going on at work and then this has made me feel so sad and like such a horrible mother that last week I started having panic attacks and had to go get medicine from my doctor.

So I have aready felt like a horrible mother and all of you pounding into my head that I am indeed a horrible mother and then last night my DS came to visit and told me that the BF and him had plans to go get an engagement ring for the BF to propose and so this morning I feel even worse.

I hope I can just let it go soon........

And I hope she doesn't keep making the same mistakes and come to regret this decision.

Let me see if I have gotten all of this straight:

You permitted your daughter with a long term live-in boyfriend to move into your home. Your daughter has since broken off with this BF and is starting a relationship with someone else. You considered her effectively married and thus justified your own action of allowing them to live under your roof. The fact that she is moving on to another guy is causing you to experience dissonance. It feels like an affair to you.

There are a couple of really obvious observations:

You do not understand your daughter. You assumed things about her that were most likely never true. She was never as committed to this guy as you thought. While her past fornication is wrong and you encouraged that by your actions, she is not presently doing anything wrong by moving on to another guy.

You need to address the real facts. Your attempts to spin things is making everybody dizzy, including yourself. Accept that you made a mistake and try to learn from your error. And, stop projecting yourself and your motivations onto your children. It isn't serving you well to do that.

He and my DS were going to go next weekend (the BF works most weekends and my DS works during the week but the BF had a weekend day off next week) and he was going to put the down payment on the ring and as soon as he paid it off then propose I guess at least he saved his money.....