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markos #2826301 10/29/14 12:54 PM
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Originally Posted by markos
You can get the ebook edition from Amazon to read on a PC, tablet, or phone, if that makes it easier for you.

I do have a Kindle that I use alot.

markos #2826302 10/29/14 12:59 PM
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Originally Posted by markos
You might mention it to her in a note or email or text that she can read (or not read) at her leisure. That might make it non-threatening. You wouldn't even need a response; just a chance to pass along the information that it is there, and then she decides what to do with it.

Not quite sure how to just sneak in a conversation about Marriage Builders without it seeming threatening to her, she already said the day she told me she was going to break up that she knows we will hate her for breaking up with her BF so I am kind of walking on eggshells with her right now because I do not want to say anything to her but I will think on it

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Originally Posted by Still_Crazy
Originally Posted by markos
You might mention it to her in a note or email or text that she can read (or not read) at her leisure. That might make it non-threatening. You wouldn't even need a response; just a chance to pass along the information that it is there, and then she decides what to do with it.

Not quite sure how to just sneak in a conversation about Marriage Builders without it seeming threatening to her, she already said the day she told me she was going to break up that she knows we will hate her for breaking up with her BF so I am kind of walking on eggshells with her right now because I do not want to say anything to her but I will think on it

I would avoid telling her she was wrong - that'll sure be threatening! Affirm to her that it is her choice to make, and that a commitment for life should not be made with someone you are not in love with, and that it's better to back out sooner (before marriage) rather than later (afterward). Then just tell her you've heard of this radio show / app, and this book (Buyers, Renters, Freeloaders). Then, be done with it - let her decide what to do from there.


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Originally Posted by Still_Crazy
Originally Posted by markos
You might mention it to her in a note or email or text that she can read (or not read) at her leisure. That might make it non-threatening. You wouldn't even need a response; just a chance to pass along the information that it is there, and then she decides what to do with it.

Not quite sure how to just sneak in a conversation about Marriage Builders without it seeming threatening to her

If you just write a note or email and don't ever ask her for a response, that's probably about the best you can do to make it non-threatening.


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
markos #2826306 10/29/14 01:38 PM
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Originally Posted by markos
I would avoid telling her she was wrong - that'll sure be threatening! Affirm to her that it is her choice to make, and that a commitment for life should not be made with someone you are not in love with, and that it's better to back out sooner (before marriage) rather than later (afterward). Then just tell her you've heard of this radio show / app, and this book (Buyers, Renters, Freeloaders). Then, be done with it - let her decide what to do from there.

I definitely did not tell her she was wrong and if she wanted to see other people then that was her choice and she went about it the correct way by breaking up with the BF first.

She knows that I was on MB back when my H had the affair but for right now maybe I will just leave the book lying around or open on the Kindle and see what happens from there. I am afraid if I talk to her too much about it I will start crying.

I cannot even hardly look at the ex BF without crying.

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Originally Posted by Still_Crazy
I am afraid if I talk to her too much about it I will start crying.

That's another great reason to communicate with a note! When she's reading it, you're not even there, so no crying.


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
markos #2826310 10/29/14 02:19 PM
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I am still not sure she will be happy about because I am sure she will think I am trying to get her back with the ex BF I am not sure if it is too soon for her not to be suspicious of anything I try to say to her about relationships.

But maybe while I am away this weekend I will text her about it.

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She knows how much we loved the ex BF and how much we wanted her to get married so she doesn't really want to hear anything about relationships right now.

She just wants to spend all of her time with this OS friend who supposedly has a GF too but she obviously doesn't care about that either, it is just so obvious when he is at our house how infatuated with him she is.

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Sorry I am getting fired up again, I can't even talk about it, I am crying right now.

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Originally Posted by Still_Crazy
I am still not sure she will be happy about

Well, of course she might not be happy about it - I didn't imagine she would. I'd pass on the recommendations (book and radio show), and then truly let it drop. The rest of it is her business to handle her way.


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
markos #2826817 11/04/14 10:33 AM
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Well I did not have as much free as I expected to have this past weekend but I at least started the book. I left a message for my DD about MB but so far nothing. She is far too into herself to do anything right now, she doesn�t even go get her dog his �special� food since she has been hanging out with this other guy, and he has been eating my dog�s food which was never �good� enough before.

I have decided though that I really hope the BF moves on to someone new, my DD does not even deserve him. He is such a good guy and sad to say my DD is not such a good person at all.

Her selfishness it utterly amazing to me, she is still asking the ex BF to do things for her and then getting upset with him when he doesn�t and still hanging out with the other guy practically every day. I have been staying out of it but I want to tell her so badly that she can�t have it both ways.

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At least I am feeling better, no more panic attacks and I am not crying when I see the exBF.

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Oh and she has decided that she does not want to give up most of the savings to him so now he is keeping the car they bought together and she is getting a different one with part of their savings so she gets to spend some of the money too (according to her "after all that is only fair we both saved it we both should get to spend it").

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Originally Posted by Still_Crazy
I have been staying out of it but I want to tell her so badly that she can�t have it both ways.

She can have it both ways, she DOES have it both ways. exBF still living there and complying to her, plus new bf/love interest on the side. Mom feeding the dog because she is too busy to buy him dog food.

She has absolutely no incentive to grow up. None.

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Originally Posted by unwritten
Originally Posted by Still_Crazy
I have been staying out of it but I want to tell her so badly that she can�t have it both ways.

She can have it both ways, she DOES have it both ways. exBF still living there and complying to her, plus new bf/love interest on the side. Mom feeding the dog because she is too busy to buy him dog food.

She has absolutely no incentive to grow up. None.
So when is DD or XBF moving out?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
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Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Originally Posted by unwritten
Originally Posted by Still_Crazy
I have been staying out of it but I want to tell her so badly that she can�t have it both ways.

She can have it both ways, she DOES have it both ways. exBF still living there and complying to her, plus new bf/love interest on the side. Mom feeding the dog because she is too busy to buy him dog food.

She has absolutely no incentive to grow up. None.

Technically I am not feeding the dog she is still feeding him and I am making her give me money for my dog food, it is the fact that she does not go get his "special" food anymore because then she would not be able to spend as much time with the other guy.

I feel bad for the dog, he was her "baby" until the other guy has been around I mean it was ridiculous how she treated her dog (not that I do not spoil mine but he was super spoiled), now she does not show him attention at all but she does not want the exBF to take him either.

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Originally Posted by BrainHurts
Originally Posted by unwritten
Originally Posted by Still_Crazy
I have been staying out of it but I want to tell her so badly that she can�t have it both ways.

She can have it both ways, she DOES have it both ways. exBF still living there and complying to her, plus new bf/love interest on the side. Mom feeding the dog because she is too busy to buy him dog food.

She has absolutely no incentive to grow up. None.
So when is DD or XBF moving out?

exBF is scheduled to move out the weekend of of November 15-16.

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Originally Posted by unwritten
Originally Posted by Still_Crazy
I have been staying out of it but I want to tell her so badly that she can�t have it both ways.

She can have it both ways, she DOES have it both ways. exBF still living there and complying to her, plus new bf/love interest on the side. Mom feeding the dog because she is too busy to buy him dog food.

She has absolutely no incentive to grow up. None.

The ex BF is not doing things for her and she is mad about it and she is mad at the new love interest because he is not showing her enough attention.

My eldest DD told me that during a Halloween party they attended she was extremely rude to several people because they were playing cards with her love interest and it made her mad and she said she was going to burn the cards......

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Is there a book for selfishness that I can suggest to her or buy her and leave it in her room?

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Originally Posted by Still_Crazy
Well I did not have as much free as I expected to have this past weekend but I at least started the book. I left a message for my DD about MB but so far nothing.

That may be it, then, at least until a lot more water goes under the bridge for her. Stay with it for yourself, in the meantime. Are you still listening to the radio show?


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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