|
|
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 991
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 991 |
So this conversation went predictably�.time to file.
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 16
Junior Member
|
|
Junior Member
Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 16 |
So this conversation went predictably�.time to file. So he chose option #3?
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11)
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 991
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 991 |
He just stalled�which amounts to #3.
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,440 Likes: 4
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,440 Likes: 4 |
He just stalled�which amounts to #3. When will you be filing? How is your self-care going?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,708
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,708 |
You gave three options. You let him pick.
You are such a good wife! : )
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 991
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 991 |
I will start filling out the paperwork this weekend. I am also probably going to get another lawyer too. She doesn't really get how contentious this is going to be.
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2013
Posts: 275
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2013
Posts: 275 |
I am sorry for being behind- I've been really sick. You already have divorce filed right??? I don't understand your lawyers logic. When you walk into a RO court, you show them your journal that you have caught your husband in an affair- he wigged out- then already had one incident (that you have your mother sign an affidavit on for 1st angry outburst). He was becoming so scary that you asked for him not to contact you because of the affair etc- then the next incident happened where the police report was filed. Restraining order courts you can introduce all kinds of evidence- it doesn't fall under the same - evidence to convict.... Just enough to give the judge what's considered "reasonable" evidence that he has flipped & is now dangerous. An affair plus all this would easily grant you a RO. You need to call the local woman's shelter. You have the golden ticket of a police report where they can offer you all their services. Please DO not let this pass you up!!! They have awesome pit bull lawyers you should be talking too. Please please at least do this. All this trying to negotiate with the alien wayward is gonna bite you hard. Sorry, I see no other way. If you sign ANYTHING saying you agree to 6 months if you move blah blah, he then has grounds to say you don't really believe he is dangerous as you are willing to negotiate. (Please ask me how I know this  . ) Again, I just think- go see abuse shelter... You don't have all the facts and making huge decisions without all the info is a bad idea. You might have to file divorce for you & your little girls protection. No path out of this ditch is easy - sorry! Again: please go talk to an abuse shelter: they have awesome lawyers & can help you with all of this as he is acting like a normal wayward.
BW-3 Kids
Sep:2014
Divorced
"I was not delivered unto this world in defeat, nor does failure course in my veins. I am not a sheep waiting to be prodded by my shepherd. I am a lion and I refuse to talk, to walk, to sleep with the sheep. I will hear not those who weep and complain, for their disease is contagious. Let them join the sheep. The slaughterhouse of failure is not my destiny.
I will persist until I succeed." Og Mandino
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 991
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 991 |
I also just emailed the VP of operations at the small chain of gyms that he is working at that the general manager is letting him live there full or part-time. We will see what happens from that.
She quit that job a while back, but she started attending his classes again and his general manager has totally been enabling his affair by letting him live there.
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239 |
I also just emailed the VP of operations at the small chain of gyms that he is working at that the general manager is letting him live there full or part-time. We will see what happens from that.
She quit that job a while back, but she started attending his classes again and his general manager has totally been enabling his affair by letting him live there. Letting him live where? At the gym?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 991
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 991 |
Yep, the manager let him stay there. He has been staying there at least part of the time.
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 991
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 991 |
My husband put a book by an author I like in my daughter's backpack. Nice LB deposit. Doesn't undo the affair�but nice touch in getting one in through a Plan B.
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239 |
My husband put a book by an author I like in my daughter's backpack. Nice LB deposit. Doesn't undo the affair�but nice touch in getting one in through a Plan B. This is what I suggest you do: Have your IM send your husband the following: "Please do not send anything to Piglet. You sent a book in your daughters backpack. Piglet does not want anything from you until you meet the conditions in her letter. You can contact me if you are ever willing to meet those conditions." And throw the book away, as it will only trigger you
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 26
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 26 |
Wow Piglet spent the last hour reading your story
Mine is pretty similar in the feelings, and losing a job, lucky no kids with 2nd hubby who is tbe WS
Glad I read your post with the one ladies crazy reply on FB, the very few friends I could reach were all 100% supportive of me and I hope will prove good influences on my husband while hes in the fog. His affair is online 600 miles away. But no less devastating
youre in my prayers
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 991
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 991 |
So I talked to my lawyer again and he wants to negotiate now..
He said he is willing to consider letting us go for half the savings (not very much money) and willing to let me have my 401K ( a lot of money). He also doesn't want me to have a stake in some future LLC he is creating to sell an e-book. This would be a binding property agreement that would state that in the event of a divorce, this would be the property settlement. This could basically mean I am out of my marriage for 10K, as we don't have a house and all my investments are tied up in my retirement.
In terms of custody, he just wanted me to promise that I wound;t take DD out of state or to live internationally (I have family overseas). This is already the law, but he does;t know that. My lawyer encouraged me not to ask for child support outright until I actually file for divorce in a few months (I must wait at least 3 months when moving counties within CA).
All in all, a pretty good deal for him to let me move with the kid as the property agreement would be binding, I could still ask for child support and once she is moved, a judge will not order her back.
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 991
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 991 |
Jedi Knight,
I was planning on just sending it back in her backpack, but my IM can send the message too.
Its a SciFi author I like. We are both very into SciFi and fantasy and I remember when this first started he told me, "you don't like any of the books or things I like." I don't want to share things with you. At the time I didn't realize it was because he wanted to share them with someone else.
I am actually into everything he is into--scifi, college football and cross fit. I was a great recreational companion actually. Too bad he lost me. Oh well.
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239 |
Take the deal.
As for child support, that is something you can always go back for. I agreed to no child support from my ww and filed 2 years after my divorce. I didn't even need a lawyer: I just went to the welfare department and they take care of all the paperwork.
So just plan on getting child support after divorce but don't tell anyone your plan. You dont want that info to get back to him
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 991
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 991 |
Yep, I plan on taking the deal. He is pretty clueless about our finances, as you can see.
My lawyer said he kept telling her that he NEEDS to talk to me. I told her that the recovery program i am following does not recommend that and she encouraged me to do it as my "family law attorney" as when things go to court it looks bad if we aren't facilitating communication. I gave her a sample of the kinds of texts he was sending me before I went dark and she finally said, "I get it. For your sanity, you can't communicate with him." So I think she is FINALLY starting to see what is going on here.
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239 |
Most family law attorneys are divorced and have no idea how to recover from an affair
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 991
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 991 |
She actually isn't divorced. She is happily married and therefore also doesn't know what it takes to recover from an affair.
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 991
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 991 |
I'm struggling with obsessive thoughts, regrets, etc. Yesterday was hard. My friends want to hear updates all the time and it makes things worse. One of the issues I have is that people tell me things unasked. I tell them I don't want to know, but once the toothpaste is out of the tube�It's hard, I don;t necessarily want to avoid people who are supportive, but it might be too hard if they have contact with him regularly (through his gym).
I am still struggling with anger, depression and anxiety.
On top of it all, I can't believe I miss this person who has treated me so badly.
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBsurvivor, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
|
0 members (),
369
guests, and
46
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
|
