Well, I'm terrified. But I'm going to be ok.

Things will be way better after exposure. You can do it! Follow everyone's advice to the letter! Having people's support is wonderful, and you'll be able weed out the enablers.

Just got a text from him that all of his work friends are calling him, and he doesn't know what my intentions are but "stop calling and messaging my friends".

I should have included them in the first exposure but I was scared. I hope I haven't made a mess by doing two separate exposures.

Maybe it would be a good idea to go into Plan B this weekend so you don't have to listen to his backlash next week. How prepared are you? Do you have an IM lined up? Do you have plans in place to prevent him from contacting you? Could you get prepared and go dark tomorrow evening or Sunday?

You haven't, better late than never. Don't respond to any of his texts or calls and finish exposure. Print out whatever you need to bring on Monday. Go to bank in morning, open new account and transfer at least half from the joint account. Waywards are notorious for emptying the account. It's all about control for them and you have to make sure you cant be.

Can you go to the bank in the morning?

I second the suggestion to ignore him/not engage him until you complete your exposure.

He's going to do everything in his power to get you to back off...and since he has had success getting you to do so in the past, he's going to be very aggressive. There will be lotsa gaslighting!!

It's scary for everyone but you can do it.

Try not to dwell on the fact that you didn't expose and just realize that you are vulnerable to your WH's gaslighting....move forward with that understanding so that you will be less likely to go along with WH's "plan" again.

Do everything you can to end the A...at least then in the future you will know you gave it your best shot.

Since this is a pretty involved affair...and your WH has already left the home, I would pull out all the stops to expose this. I would post OW on Cheaterville and expose to her FB friends in addition to the workplace exposure and the letter to her parents.

Give it all you've got!

Purple: Try not to go back under his spell. You probably still think and hope he will come out of this and see the light. That way of thinking is bad for you because you can't make good decisions if you're in denial. You sound like you are beginning to understand the mindset of a wayward. Please don't listen to him and his gas-lighting. It's best if you can go into plan B so you can avoid his rage. He's going to be livid! Be strong and show him he cannot control you anymore!

I didn't respond to his text.

I went to the bank this afternoon.

I exposed before to everyone except his work friends, and I just did that. Since they work together, these are her coworkers as well and I did include her name in the message I sent today. She doesn't have a Facebook. It took a lot of digging (and I had to have help) to find a possible address for her parents. Letter went to them certified mail today.

As for plan B - I'm not sure how to go completely dark. We have a 3 month old and I am breastfeeding her - she doesn't take bottles at all. We have to have some degree of real time communication in order for him to be able to see her at all.

Lets figure this out. Do you have a friend, family or neighbor who could facilitate visitation with the baby OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOME? How often has he seen the baby since he has been gone?

And bravo to you for taking care of the bank and sending off the letter to her parents!

He has been gone two and a half weeks. The first week, he came to the house to play with the kids all 4 days that he could (when his schedule matched theirs). The second week he got to hold her twice (at our older son's concert and again at his birthday). He was just telling me when he could see them a week at a time. So I told him we have to have set schedule from now on, and he asked for Tuesday overnight to the middle of Wednesday, and Friday morning. That's what we did this week, and he picked the kids up (I had their things on the porch and they went out when he got there, but then i went out and he asked if he could hold the baby for a minute.) I took her to his apartment on Wednesday morning right after she ate and came back when she was hungry again. He took her this morning when he took the older kids and I went when she got hungry, sat in my car and fed her, then took her back to his door and he brought them all back home by the time she was hungry again.

Yay! Good work! Doesn't it feel better to take action and stand up for yourself?

How old are your children?

It does. Nothing feels good right now, but o feel less like a victim today than I have in 2 months.

They are 14, 11, 4, and 3 months.

I don't think I would go for overnights if I were you, especially since he is having an affair. I would give him perhaps every Wednesday evening for a couple of hours and then either Saturday or Sunday afternoon. Do it in blocks of time that will make it possible for him to get the baby home to you in time for a feeding. For example, he could have them for 3 hours and you could feed the baby just before he takes them.

The older children could carry the little one to the car so he doesn't have to come inside. This way you don't ever have to see him.

And maybe let him take the older children an extra afternoon or evening.

Do the older children WANT to see him?

I would set up a very strict visitation schedule so you are not constantly revisiting this issue. Have your IM give him the calendar.

Do you have an IM yet? Have you changed the locks?

And maybe you could send a bottle with breast milk in it?