Well, you will have to make a realistic plan that accomodates you, as you are the one with the most hassle.
If it is in your best interest to be without the baby for 5 hours, you may want to pump some milk or feed her two times before she goes and she should be able to last 4 hours without feeding eventually.

Even with breastfeeding "on demand" it is always helpful to have a daily routine, with fairly regular feeding times. You can just look at the individual child to see which schedule would suit you and the child best. That way your day is more predictable and you can plan her sleeping and feeding times better. On "breasfeeding regulation days, you can then feed her more. I like the book and methods of Anna Wahlgren on that subject. I will not post a link, because if it is a non-MB breastfeeding link it will be removed...

If you have a fairly regular regimen (not rigid) you will have an easier time being away from the baby for 4 hours, while she takes her regular naps.

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What would be in my best interest would be for my husband to have stayed home with me. I do have a fairly regular routine with her, but it's flexible. You all are right, though, I can't sit outside his apartment nursing twice a week. I think I would rather have the shorter break. I'll give it some thought. And I may tell him that if he wants to see her more to arrange a time with my sister to see her there.

jk, you need to get this locked down so you can go into Plan B. I don't think you should EVER go to his affair lair unless court ordered. It would be ideal for you to go into Plan B today or tomorrow so you don't have to deal with the reaction from exposure next week. you have been in Plan A way too long as it is and need to shut this door down.

So here are your assignments for today:

1. contact your sister and see if she will agree to be an IM and only be a SPAM filter. That is her only job. She has to agree to only filter pertinent messages to you. She can't get into arguments or debates with him. She needs to agree to present a neutral front

2. write your Plan B letter using the template from SAA. In it, you will ask that the kids never be exposed to his OW. You would attach a visitation schedule and ask him not to come in the house. You will just say that you expect the financial arrangement to stay the same

3. prepare for him to try to contact you directly and make plans to block all potential avenues of contact

4. make a plan for visitation for the baby. Perhaps the only time he gets to see her is at your sisters 2x a week between the hours of XX:XX and XX:XX. You drop the baby off 30 minutes in advance and pick her up once he has left.

Can you do this?

Would it work better if you left the baby out of his visitations with the older kids?

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I can do this. I think letting her go with the big kids is best, but I think I'll just tell him that he can bring her home when she's hungry and either leave all the kids, leave just her, or wait until I'm done and send her back out.

I was with you until you got to the last option. I think that is a TERRIBLE option for you to sit there breastfeeding while he waits outside. That is what you need to AVOID. Don't accommodate him in that way. I would take that off the table entirely.

I would do it this way: he can either bring her home when she is hungry [and leave her] or he can not take her at all. Its not like a little baby needs to be with her daddy. A baby needs her mother. And forget "bonding." That is not going to happen any way because he has moved out to have his affair.

[

As soon as I hit submit I thought "I don't want to do that!" Not going to give him that option.

Sample Plan B letter, from SAA (revised edition) pages 77-78:

My Dearest __________,
I apologize to you for my part in creating an environment that helped make your affair possible. I foolishly pursued my goals without understanding my responsibility to meet your most important emotional needs. I was not there for you when you needed me the most and we are now both suffering for my mistake. [Add your willingness to address other complaints that the unfaithful spouse may have communicated prior to the affair.]

I am willing to avoid the mistakes I've made in the past and create a new life for both of us that will meet your needs. But I cannot do that until you end your relationship once and for all. Living with you under these conditions has been the most painful experience of my life, and I can no longer endure it.

Until your affair ends, and you are willing to follow a plan of reconciliation with me, I will avoid seeing you or talking to you. Our friends, ________, have agreed to help make arrangements for you to see our children on schedule that is mutually convenient. They will provide transportation. If you want to communicate about the children or any other mater, it will have to be through them.

I have attached a visitation schedule that we had previously agreed upon. The difference is that I won't be coming to your home anymore to feed the baby. You will need to return the baby to me when she gets hungry and leave her. One of the children can bring her in the house to me. I would also insist that the children not be exposed to your affair partner. I would like to leave the current financial arrangements in place.

I ask that you respect my decision to separate from you th is way. You must know about the suffering I have endured because of your relationship, and I simply cannot be with you any longer knowing that you are together. I still love you but I cannot see you under these conditions.

As soon as you are willing to permanently end your relationship, follow precautions to avoid absolutely any contact with the other person, and join me in a plan to restore our relationship, I will be wiling to discuss our future together with you.

I hope that we will be able to rebuild our marriage some day. I want us to be able to meet each other's emotional needs and to avoid doing anything to hurt each other. We can build a new lifestyle together in which everything we do makes us both happy. Then there will never be a reason for us to be separated. I want to be your best friend, someone who is always there for you when you need me. And I want you to be my best friend.

I cared for you when we married and I continue to care for you right up to this day. But I cannot be with you or help you as long as you are in this relationship.

With all my love,
(signed)

This letter should be delivered by your friends to the unfaithful spouse, and a copy sent to the lover with a note at the bottom saying:

I love ______ with all my heart and am willing to do whatever it takes to make her happy. I will wait for that chance.

Hoebag, I love ______ with all my heart and am willing to do whatever it takes to make him happy. I will wait for that chance. Just know that you will be eternally hated by my children because of your part in breaking up their family.

Refresh my memory, did you expose this skank on cheaterville?

Ok, I did it. Now what?

Refresh my memory, did you expose this skank on cheaterville?

I'm not sure if everyone is aware of this or not. If you have the AP's Facebook contacts, you can send an anonymous e-mail from cheaterville to username@facebook.com, and the message will go to the email they have registered on Facebook. I tried this with a random person and sent it to my Facebook email, and it came right to my gmail inbox right through the spam filter.

She doesn't have a Facebook account

Here is what I would say to skanky:

ok, here is the letter from SAA. I added a paragraph for you. [in red] Please add the other details about your sister and delete anything that doesn't fit. You will also want to mail a copy to skanky with a note on it. Do you have her home address?