I really don't know any of her friends. I had only heard her name once before, in passing. I don't know much about her at all. Extensive internet and background searches didn't even reveal much.

Purple: Find out if she will get letter at work. If not, ask her old employer (you have that info) if they can forward a letter to her current address.

I do have one phone number of a friend of hers - my WH texted it to ask how OP was doing after I found out and she ended it. I texted the number with the same facebook exposure letter.

Any ideas on how to find out? When I tried calling the precinct before I have never gotten an answer.

Send a link anonymously to your husband's work friends so they can spread it around the workplace.

That is fine. You can either mail her the letter or take it to her personally.

Former employer doesn't have her forwarding address.

I guess I'll try to hand deliver. Problem is they don't work in the building, they work out of their cars. I think i f I get there at the beginning of the shift I should be able to catch her.

Ok, it's not firgid here today, so I'm taking my kids to the park for a little while. I'll work on this when I get back.

Do you have the letter written? Is your sister lined up as an IM? Do you have all avenues of contact blocked off?

Lets discuss how you will deliver the letter. Have you given that any thought? I was thinking you could walk out to the car when he delivers the kids and handing it to him. OR perhaps you could go to his apartment and slip it under the door? What do you think?

Would be great for you to do this tomorrow so you can be completely dark and work through the kinks by Monday.

ALSO, I would like to offer to help your sister if you would like. I can help her navigate the difficult first days because he will go crazy when you cut off contact. If you want to take me up on this offer, email the moderators and ask them to give me your email address. I will send you an email.

I love this idea!

Yes, melodylane, I'm sure my sister would appreciate the help. I'll flag a moderator. I thought I could take the letter to his apartment while he's at work tomorrow and put it in his car. But slipping it under the apt door works too. I have not finished the letter but I have to give my kids some attention now. I'll post it here when I finish.

Sister is lined up. I can block calls/texts/emails. I thought I would wait until he gets the letter, but really if there was some emergency and I didn't respond he has all of my family's phone numbers. So I'll do that from my cell while they play.

Good deal! And he call your IM if he has an emergency and/or go to the emergency room.

Ok, I wrote this a couple of weeks ago and it was a bit...snively. I've revised, but I'm doing this while simultaneously feeding kids and nursing a baby, so it's hard to think. Give me honest opinions.

Dear N,
I love you. I have loved you every minute of every day for the last 20 years. Through births, deaths, fights, good times and bad - I've loved you. I haven't always done a good job of it, I realize that now. I have hurt you more than I realized and still you stood by me.

I want to acknowledge my part in the breakdown of our marriage. I have consistently put you last. I've focused on the kids. I've been selfish. You have worked day in and day out to take care of me and the kids, and I didn't show you the respect I felt. I have always been proud of you - as a father, as a husband, as a police officer, as a man, and I didn't always show it.

I am willing to avoid the mistakes I've made in the past. You know I want the chance to learn to meet your needs and create a new life together, and I have been learning about ways to do that - my "plan" that I told you about. However I cannot do this until you end your relationship once and for all.

Until your affair ends and you are willing to follow a plan of reconciliation with me, I can't see you or talk to you. It hurts too much. I have to protect myself and the love I still have for you, and any contact I have with you eats away at it, eats away at me. A has agreed to help with any scheduling concerns with the kids. If you want to communicate about the children or any other matter, it will need to be through her.

I have attached a visitation schedule that we had previously agreed on. The difference is that I won't be coming to your apartment anymore to feed L. You will need to return her to me when she gets hungry and leave her. One of the older children can bring her in the house to me. I want to reiterate that I insist that the children not be exposed to your affair partner. I would like to leave the current financial arrangement in place.

Please respect my request to separate this way. You must know about the suffering I have endured because of your relationship. I still love youbut I cannot see you under these conditions.

As soon as you are willing to permanently end your relationship with R, follow precautions to avoid any contact with her, and join me in a plan to restore our relationship, I will be willing to discuss our future together with you.

I want us to be a team, and restore our marriage together. You have been my best friend for 20 years. We have a good foundation to build on. I know our relationship isn't what it used to be, but that just means we can change.

I want to grow old with you. I can still see ur future together, and I am ready to start when you are.

All my love,
J

I blocked his calls and texts and set emails to forward automatically to my sister without going in my inbox.

Good job! I love the letter. It covers everything and is well written.

You have made good progress today!

great letter!

agreed

^^^^agree

Thanks everyone. Now to write up two copies and then get some sleep. Deliver the letters tomorrow, meet with his COs Monday, then start working on me.