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Did you block his emails? You must! He'll be wanting to leave horrible messages to you. He'll need time to calm down. I set them to skip my inbox and automatically forward to my sister.
Me BW
Married 18 years before D-day
Kiddos - 15, 13, 6, 1
D-day - 10/14/14 Plan B - 11/30/14
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Yes. I spoke to his mother and step dad on the phone, and I sent facebook messages to his brothers. And the kids know. Oh good. I don't know how to answer your question about Christmas. I can't think of any reason why he shouldn't take the kids, as long as he does not expose them to his affair.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Yes. I spoke to his mother and step dad on the phone, and I sent facebook messages to his brothers. And the kids know. Oh good. I don't know how to answer your question about Christmas. I can't think of any reason why he shouldn't take the kids, as long as he does not expose them to his affair. Me either. I just don't want to be away from the kids then. And I love his family. I always look forward to going at Christmas. Sigh.
Me BW
Married 18 years before D-day
Kiddos - 15, 13, 6, 1
D-day - 10/14/14 Plan B - 11/30/14
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Me either. I just don't want to be away from the kids then. And I love his family. I always look forward to going at Christmas. Sigh. Do you want him to take them at all?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Me either. I just don't want to be away from the kids then. And I love his family. I always look forward to going at Christmas. Sigh. Do you want him to take them at all? What do you mean? I expected he would take them to visit, but I had thought it would be in January. Not the week before Christmas.
Me BW
Married 18 years before D-day
Kiddos - 15, 13, 6, 1
D-day - 10/14/14 Plan B - 11/30/14
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Purple: You call the shots, not him. If you don't want the kids to go until after Christmas, then that is what he has to do. I know you love his family, but they need to feel some pain in all of this too because they will put pressure on him. Don't make things easy breezy for him. Show him there are significant consequences and one of them is losing the family holiday time.
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What do you mean? I expected he would take them to visit, but I had thought it would be in January. Not the week before Christmas. I gotcha. Then IF he contacts your IM with this question just say you don't agree to taking them away before Christmas but would agree to sometime in January. You might want to also offer a holiday visitation schedule.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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What do you mean? I expected he would take them to visit, but I had thought it would be in January. Not the week before Christmas. I gotcha. Then IF he contacts your IM with this question just say you don't agree to taking them away before Christmas but would agree to sometime in January. You might want to also offer a holiday visitation schedule. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm just giving you bits and pieces. I probably shouldn't be trying to do this at dinner and bed time. He said the work calendar is full for January but he can get off in December on those dates.
Me BW
Married 18 years before D-day
Kiddos - 15, 13, 6, 1
D-day - 10/14/14 Plan B - 11/30/14
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I just realized this may all change with the investigation at work.
Me BW
Married 18 years before D-day
Kiddos - 15, 13, 6, 1
D-day - 10/14/14 Plan B - 11/30/14
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You can agree or not agree. You don't have to follow his schedule or his work schedule. Do what is in your best interests. He sabotaged the family! Stop worrying about HIS schedule. Who cares! Let him knock himself out to switch with someone.
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You can agree or not agree. You don't have to follow his schedule or his work schedule. Do what is in your best interests. He sabotaged the family! Stop worrying about HIS schedule. Who cares! Let him knock himself out to switch with someone. You are so right. I have to decide what I can live with, not just do what works for him.
Me BW
Married 18 years before D-day
Kiddos - 15, 13, 6, 1
D-day - 10/14/14 Plan B - 11/30/14
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I just don't want the kids to miss out. I took them by myself year before last because he couldn't get off work and they were so disappointed at not getting to see their grandparents near Christmas.
Me BW
Married 18 years before D-day
Kiddos - 15, 13, 6, 1
D-day - 10/14/14 Plan B - 11/30/14
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This is how it goes every year. He looks at the calendar around thanksgiving and figures out when he can get off, and that's when we go. But this year is different. And that is awfully close to Christmas for the kids to be away from me.
Me BW
Married 18 years before D-day
Kiddos - 15, 13, 6, 1
D-day - 10/14/14 Plan B - 11/30/14
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I've gone through this whole thread today. I praise you jk for keeping up with all this while taking care of your 4 kids. My parents are going through something similar, except that my mom is lost and unsure what to do, so I will speak for her. I'm gonna keep tabs on this thread to see what unfolds in the next few weeks.
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[
What do you mean? I expected he would take them to visit, but I had thought it would be in January. Not the week before Christmas. I gotcha. Then IF he contacts your IM with this question just say you don't agree to taking them away before Christmas but would agree to sometime in January. You might want to also offer a holiday visitation schedule. We had agreed that they would be with him Christmas Eve and me on Christmas day. But this is Christmas eve and the full week before that. He did ask very respectfully, and I struggle with how to say no without giving him a good reason, because I don't want to do things in anger or for him to think I am. Does that make sense? Because I'm not trying to spite him, I am just trying to take care of myself.
Me BW
Married 18 years before D-day
Kiddos - 15, 13, 6, 1
D-day - 10/14/14 Plan B - 11/30/14
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Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 595
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I've gone through this whole thread today. I praise you jk for keeping up with all this while taking care of your 4 kids. My parents are going through something similar, except that my mom is lost and unsure what to do, so I will speak for her. I'm gonna keep tabs on this thread to see what unfolds in the next few weeks. I'm sorry to hear this. I urge you to get your mom on here and posting herself asap. I really, really understand that lost feeling, and so do the other people here. They can help her, but time is of the essence. Have her start a new thread and she will get so much help.
Me BW
Married 18 years before D-day
Kiddos - 15, 13, 6, 1
D-day - 10/14/14 Plan B - 11/30/14
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Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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What do you mean? I expected he would take them to visit, but I had thought it would be in January. Not the week before Christmas. I gotcha. Then IF he contacts your IM with this question just say you don't agree to taking them away before Christmas but would agree to sometime in January. You might want to also offer a holiday visitation schedule. We had agreed that they would be with him Christmas Eve and me on Christmas day. But this is Christmas eve and the full week before that. He did ask very respectfully, and I struggle with how to say no without giving him a good reason, because I don't want to do things in anger or for him to think I am. Does that make sense? Because I'm not trying to spite him, I am just trying to take care of myself. What about Christmas Eve and the 2 preceding days? What variation of his offer would you like?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I've gone through this whole thread today. I praise you jk for keeping up with all this while taking care of your 4 kids. My parents are going through something similar, except that my mom is lost and unsure what to do, so I will speak for her. I'm gonna keep tabs on this thread to see what unfolds in the next few weeks. I'm sorry to hear this. I urge you to get your mom on here and posting herself asap. I really, really understand that lost feeling, and so do the other people here. They can help her, but time is of the essence. Have her start a new thread and she will get so much help. I already got a thread going today. She can't do this on her own, so I'm facilitating. Some helping you out are also helping me out.
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[
What do you mean? I expected he would take them to visit, but I had thought it would be in January. Not the week before Christmas. I gotcha. Then IF he contacts your IM with this question just say you don't agree to taking them away before Christmas but would agree to sometime in January. You might want to also offer a holiday visitation schedule. We had agreed that they would be with him Christmas Eve and me on Christmas day. But this is Christmas eve and the full week before that. He did ask very respectfully, and I struggle with how to say no without giving him a good reason, because I don't want to do things in anger or for him to think I am. Does that make sense? Because I'm not trying to spite him, I am just trying to take care of myself. What about Christmas Eve and the 2 preceding days? What variation of his offer would you like? I don't know. I guess I just don't like it. Of course I don't like any of this. To visit his family is a full day's drive. 3 days is just not enough time to be worth the trip, because of how hard it is on the kids. The 8 days is what we typically try for. That's the reason I'm having a hard time figuring out what to do here - I don't have a really firm grasp on what I want. Well, want isn't the right word. What I can handle. Right now, if I told him it's just too hard on me for them to be gone that long, I think he would accommodate me. I think he's trying to make me be ok so he won't feel as guilty. I anticipate this changing a lot as soon as he finds out he's under investigation at work.
Me BW
Married 18 years before D-day
Kiddos - 15, 13, 6, 1
D-day - 10/14/14 Plan B - 11/30/14
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Posts: 595
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And I am struggling with trying to stop putting everything in order for him with the kids. Normally I would adjust everything on our schedules to fit the days he could get off (joyfully - this is something we all want to do). But now I am trying to figure out what my role is, and how to take care of myself and take care of the kids without propping him up.
Me BW
Married 18 years before D-day
Kiddos - 15, 13, 6, 1
D-day - 10/14/14 Plan B - 11/30/14
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