I know it. Thank you for reminding me.

I realized today that WH is staying in that apartment for free in exchange for his services as an officer on call. Since he's temporarily not an officer, I bet they aren't interested in letting him just live there for free. And that is on top of not being able to work the 20+ hours of overtime/side jobs he has been doing. Plus I imagine there is a pay cut associated with being put on desk duty. His world just imploded.

I am trying not to be too stressed about the money. My family has told me to keep them updated so they can keep me afloat until I get on my feet.

You have a wonderful family and I am relieved to hear they are behind you. I would start making plans for worse case scenarios, such as going on assistance.

I'm planning on it MelodyLane.

How are you holding up, jk? I want to say that your sister is doing an AWESOME job on your behalf! You are really in good hands.

I'm doing ok. Alternately furious, devastated, and terrified. And sometimes I'm ok. I know the more time that passes the better I'll feel, especially now that I am not going to see orbhear from WH. Over the last couple of weeks, whenever I saw him I would spiral down for a day or two.

I am intensely curious about what is going on with him and what he's saying to my sister, but I know that I'm better off not knowing.

And yes, my sister is a rock star.

Oh my goodness. UPS brought a package today, addressed to WH. After the kids went to bed, I peeked inside. It's a replacement part for my van. He had said he'd fix it before, then after he left I listed that repair when I was telling him things I need money for and told him it still needed to be fixed. That was last Wednesday. I guess he got right online and ordered the part to make the repair.

I bet he returns it now. (It's the thing that holds the back door up. Nothing vital, we just have to be careful.)

I guess he was feeling guilty.

You are doing great. Do not break your Plan B. I did recently and intensely regret it. I spiraled down as well.

Guard your heart. It is the wellspring of life.

Thank you. I won't.

Well, he left the package. Told the kids it is for the van.

My 11yo dd refused to go with him this morning. She told him she hates him. That broke my heart.

That's a natural consequence of his actions.

Don't intercede, but validate her feelings.

Some day he may see what his actions caused and actually try to do something about it.. That's on Him to repair though.

LTL

I want you to listen to this radio clip - go about 6 minutes in to "Amy in Missouri" http://www.marriagebuilders.com/radio_program/play_segment.cfm?sid=3570#

Another radio show about the effects on children:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/radio_program/play_segment.cfm?sid=3576
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/radio_program/play_segment.cfm?sid=3577
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/radio_program/play_segment.cfm?sid=3578

on Feb 2, 2012

LTL - it is a consequence of his choices. I just hate it. They have had a tenuous relationship but it had gotten so much better lately. I really hate this for her.


MelodyLane - I will listen to the clips as soon as I get the kids settled.

I know most, if not all, of you have been through this - the rejection and then the isolation of plan b. How did you do it? How did you handle the loneliness of suddenly not having your partner to share everything with and to back you up and just to be around? I am really struggling tonight.

jk, I am so sorry you are feeling down. We have been through this and i promise you it will get better soon. I promise you it would be so much worse if were there still sneaking around for his affair.

You are doing a great job and the longer you maintain an air tight dark plan B, the sooner you will feel better. Please try to think of ways to keep yourself occupied by focusing on the kids.

In the radio clips, Dr Harley explains that it is not children who need a "counselor" but the wayward spouse and stupid counselors who try to tell kids there is something wrong with them only because they don't want to have a relationship with a cheating parent. Kids know instinctively that it is the ADULT who needs the counseling in that situation.

I didn't handle it well at all.

My only concern was the emotional health and stability of my then, just turned 9 years old Son.

I didn't utilize this, or any other forum for advice until way after my WW had left for 7 months.

I finally have a decent grip on life, but I had to pay attention to all of the practical advice I found on this forum.

I was so concerned about the hurt and potential abandonment issues that could come into play for my son, who now is just 2 months shy of his 12th Birthday, but due to taking extra great care of him and that i continued individual weekly counseling, he is doing very well.

I told him the exact truth and how much it hurt me.

It is now approaching 700 days since the WW even spoke with him.

Yes, I very much feel how helpless and distraught you are facing unknown consequences for your child.

It S.U.C.K.S.

But, we have to do the best we know how and continue to learn how to do better.

LTL

How is your support system? Do you have friends or relatives that you can call?

Have you been to your doctor for ADs? I know you're nursing, but please at the very least talk to your doctor.

A very important part of plan B is self care. What self-care can you plan?

You are right. If they were still happily sneaking around I would be Mich more miserable. I am learning how to change brake pads today. It feels pretty good, but I keep thinking about him. I know I need to get some time and space from him. Nighttime is harder.

I do have lots of support, but I'm still so lonely.

People keep asking what I am doing for myself, and I just don't know what to do. I didbl manage to get all the Christmas decorations down from the attic - never did that before. And I am planning some fun activities for the next few weeks.

I guess I'll have to make WH give me his new schedule. He sent a message when he was decommissioned letting me know his schedule and the budget were uncertain, then he just told me the next two visits he could do (yesterday and Tuesday) and nothing else. So I'm in limbo a little which doesn't help.