i would ask your sister to email him and ask him for a set monthly schedule. You don't even want to be placed in limbo. He might have to make couple of changes but you really need to have a set schedule. Can you do that?

Yes. Should I ask what the change to the budget is? Not the budget. My budget.

No. just ask about visitation. Just expect he will short you in the future. That is what MOST waywards do and it is best to be prepared. But you don't want your IM to bring it up because he will use it as leverage. Be prepared for him to cut off all money and have a plan in place.

Ok. It's hard for me to imagine him acting that way, but I never would have imagined any of this. I'll be prepared.

Good girl!

My daughter told me tonight that she is not planning to go spend the night with her dad Tuesday. Should I let him know in advance? Wait and see because she might change her mind? (I really doubt that she will, but you never know.)

I would do nothing. If he asks your IM she can tell him your DD refuses.

I hope you make sure that you validate your daughters feelings, as she is completely entitled to be put off and disgusted with her Wayward Dad, yet do not go out of your way to either make him look worse or cut him some slack while discussing her feelings and the natural consequences of how His Betrayal has affected her.

LTL

She has refused to talk to me about it. I tried to ask her about it because she went willingly before, even tried to convince me to go see his apartment. But then I found out he was still with the OW (and yes, I told the kids) and WH told her that his move is not temporary like she thought it was. If I was her, I'd be furious, too. I told her I'm not going to make her go, and it's ok to be mad. And that I'm not going to make her talk about it, but I will ask her about it sometimes. I am so angry at him for putting us through this.

Did you listen to the radio clip I posted? In it, a child was refusing to see her cheater parent so they sent her to counseling to straighten her out. Dr Harley said the people who needed counseling was the counselor for trying to convince the poor child she was in the wrong.

Yes MelodyLane. But not until after I had tries to make her go with her dad, and since I had an appointment with the counselor during that time she went with me and talked to her for a few minutes. My daughter said that the counselor didn't tell her she was wrong for not going with her dad, but told her that she may not always be as mad as she is now.

Well, he took the kids who are willing to go with him and he had bought craft supplies to make fun Christmas crafts with them. Then when he dropped them off he also sent in the money for the rest of the month that we had agreed on. Early. I don't know if it makes me feel better or worse that he is still being a good dad (as good as he can be when he is only seeing them twice a week) and being financially responsible.

He still wants to take them to visit his family, and even though he sent a message that his work schedule had changed and is still subject to change, when he found out they had Dr's appointments during that time he sent word through my im "does that mean I can't take them to visit?" Um...communicate, please. How was I supposed to know you were still able to go during that time?

How am I supposed to do this? Live and focus on the kids and make the changes I need to in order to be a single mom, while grieving, and also keep space for him in my heart? Sometimes I think it would be easier to succumb to anger and hatred and figure out how to move on without him.

I just realized that WH may show up to my son's boy scout dinner tonight. Up until he changed his shifts at work, he was an assistant scoutmaster and attended every meeting. I don't know that he will show up, because I exposed to the scoutmaster and he is not the type to let an opportunity to speak to my WH go by, and I'm sure WH doesn't want to hear it.

If he does show up, how do I handle it?

I doubt he will attend the Scout meeting.
Waywards usually give all that up for their affair.

Have your IM email him to find out if he will be there. If he is going to be there, I would avoid going and just drop him off and pick him up.

My son texted him earlier and he just replied that he is planning to go. My son is asking why I am not going.

Tell your son WHY.

Your children need to fully understand why you are in Plan B and how much deep pain it causes you to see your H. It is in your son's best interest for you NOT to see your H because of the emotional duress he causes.

I explained to my other kids that I won't be going to the dinner, but they can. I started to say something else, and my daughter said (in her most mocking preteen voice) I know, I can still go, he's still my dad, blah, blah, blah.

I told her that's not at all what I was going to say. So I told them that the reason I am not seeing or talking to him is not because I hate him. It's because it's too painful. It's really the opposite - because I love him, the choices he's making really hurt me.

My super tough, never show weakness dd had tears in her eyes. She said "well that was unexpected." I thought I had already made it clear, but I guess not.

Now, my 4 year old still wants to go, so I guess I need to get my IM to let him know that he'll be responsible for the two of them.

You handled that perfectly, my friend.. Wish I could give you all a hug...

I wish you could, too. This is so very lonely.