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Very right Luna Alpha.
He is now asking to call my DD daily as part of the parenting plan. On the one hand, I don't think he'll actually do it. On the other, if he wants to actually take some responsibility for his daughter good. He took her to get a flu shot today, which was unexpected and nice.
What does everyone think? Well, my ex wife was in supervised visitation and I was able to stop some phone contact but eventually the court ordered daily phone contact. Unless he is dangerous to your daughter, a judge is not going to allow you to restrict phone calls. He has parental rights.
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Don't worry about phone calls.
Focus on getting the agreement in place and approved by the court so you can move. You're worried about pennies in the street when there is a wheelbarrow of dollar bills on the other side.
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Right-O!
I actually don't care very much if he talks to her everyday. He is no longer exposing dd to other woman (I know this because she would tell me when she was exposed in the past).
My lawyer is now on him like white on rice. He needs to sign!
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
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Don't worry about phone calls.
Focus on getting the agreement in place and approved by the court so you can move. You're worried about pennies in the street when there is a wheelbarrow of dollar bills on the other side. x 2
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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My lawyer is now on him like white on rice. He needs to sign! 
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Yeah, I am really worried now. I HATE that he has any say over the direction of my life at all anymore. It's just upsetting that he can hold us hostage here. I am not even moving out of state. It's really unfortunate that CA law does not recongnize fault at all in divorce and does not understand how damaging infidelity is to children. It really is in my daughter's best interest to be away from him...by CA does not see it that way.
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
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It's not an issue if you live in a fault/no fault state, PW. You can move right now if you wanted too. There is no legal Order holding you there.
What are you worried about?
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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He can file a custody order and get custody of our daughter if I move more than 30 miles away and it interrupts the "status quo" (he sees her three times a week for 3-4 hours at a time). It is presumptive that I can move; however, if it is not "in the best interest of the child" which is defined in CA as "continuous and frequent contact with both parents" then a judge could order that she goes with her dad.
It looks bad in CA to just move with the kid. Judges get mad at that. I have consulted a couple of attorneys. The issue really is would he do it? I have no clue. He actually might.
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
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The big issue is that I am moving 500 miles away. Its far...
If we go to court, I have about a 50/50 shot according to my lawyer.
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
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Yeah, I am really worried now. I HATE that he has any say over the direction of my life at all anymore. It's just upsetting that he can hold us hostage here. I am not even moving out of state. It's really unfortunate that CA law does not recongnize fault at all in divorce and does not understand how damaging infidelity is to children. It really is in my daughter's best interest to be away from him...by CA does not see it that way. Neither does WA. Infidelity cannot be used by the judge for either custody or alimony.
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My lawyer said it does subtly influence some judges though. There are definitely some that think it is very distasteful, but no, they can't say outright that it can be used to determine anything in divorce or custody.
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
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It really makes me mad when he takes my DD out with the OW. It's so unacceptable and my DD gets so confused. I really HATE him.
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
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My attorney is still too soft on him. I need to get out of here and I need someone who will REALLY help me do that!
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
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My attorney is still too soft on him. I need to get out of here and I need someone who will REALLY help me do that! Can you get a new lawyer?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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I was laid off. So I don't have any more money. My mom has none and my dad has declined to help with that.
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
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I was laid off. So I don't have any more money. My mom has none and my dad has declined to help with that. Well your lawyer works for you. Have you clearly and strongly told your lawyer what you want them to do?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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He can file a custody order and get custody of our daughter if I move more than 30 miles away and it interrupts the "status quo" (he sees her three times a week for 3-4 hours at a time). It is presumptive that I can move; however, if it is not "in the best interest of the child" which is defined in CA as "continuous and frequent contact with both parents" then a judge could order that she goes with her dad.
It looks bad in CA to just move with the kid. Judges get mad at that. I have consulted a couple of attorneys. The issue really is would he do it? I have no clue. He actually might. There is nothing in the law preventing your move...nothing. No 30 mile limit applies. If you are too scared to move without his permission then just say so and I will not mention it again. I advised you to file for legal separation in SoCal as soon as you get there. You (or a lawyer is SoCal) can prepare the paperwork now and file it the day you get there. The filing county is the controlling jurisdiction. WH would have to respond to that county and petition for all sorts of stuff. Beat him to the punch. So far he has done absolutely nothing but flap his mouth so I would roll he dice. You don't have a house or a job holding you there either. That is IDEAL!! You aren't walking away from anything. Worst case, if WH actually ever did anything and you were ordered to return, fine. You are no worse off but he will have to deal with the court down there first and explain why he is such a dbag. Plus you have all sorts of correspondences that he was willing for you to move with DD until it was stupid stuff like demanding daily phone calls or facetime. You have all sorts of ammo to use and choose not too. By living with your parents, you also don't have a rental contract either should you have to move back. Your lawyer told you when WH pushed you to not file charges...look where you are now. I'd take your lawyers advice with a grain of salt at this point. As you admitted, she is too soft.
Last edited by black_raven; 12/11/14 11:15 PM.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Wow, those are all really good points, BR
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Yes, I can file for separation, but the custody piece remains separate, as far as I know.
He can file a custody order and get her to return.
Look, I really want to get rid of the man. I already have divorce paperwork filled out to just get rid of him here. However, I want to leave as well, but he can order my daughter back and I am trying to figure our a plan in case I need to come back with no job and no money.
There is no law that says I can't move, but I am not going to abandon my kid to th CA custody gods, who want my a-hole wayward husband get wherever he wants.
Last edited by PigletWiglet; 12/12/14 09:09 AM.
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
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... I am not going to abandon my kid to th CA custody gods, who want my a-hole wayward husband get wherever he wants. I can't offer you advice on this, but as an observation I see most of the courts in California favor the mothers over the fathers in custody. California had a reputation nationwide as terrible with child support. But the stories I hear are 30 years old so maybe it has changed.
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