I hand wrote it. but I could scan it. whats the site, I thought we could use links.

Edit - Ill just type it.

I see parts that may not be right, please help me correct them.

----Letter----
Dearest Name, my wife, my love, my everything 12-12-2014

As much as I know you do not want to hear what I have to say, I must for the sake of our family fight with everything I have.

I cannot accept your decision to end our marriage; I cannot accept your decision to continue this affair. But alas, I know I cannot control you, or force you. But I must do everything in my power to prove myself to you, to our children.

Your decision to end our marriage from your perspective is justified. But from my perspective we have an opportunity to build a beautiful, loving, prosperous, and most of all happy marriage. A happy family. This must first start with you forgiving me and yourself for our past. Forgiveness is never easy. God I know it. But also I forgive you, I always have.

What you are doing now is hurting our family, the one you tried so hard to keep together. Don�t give up on your hard work. Our children are going to suffer so much more than you can possibly understand right now. To our children, their precious little lives began on a foundation of family values that kept us together. To break those values will break bonds, hearts, and spirits of three innocent lives.

My Love, I understand more than you realize the pain, confusion, and fear you are facing. So let me say this: I told you I would lay down my life for you, if that is what it would take for you to survive. I would do the same for our children as well. I will fight for this family until my heart shatters from emptiness.

I will not beg, plead, or grovel. But I do implore you to find the strength to save your children, to save your family. I know you are tired, I know you are exhausted. I will do most of the fighting, but I need your help.

I am not mad at you, I do not hate you. I am not ashamed of you. I will never hold this over you or make you feel guilty. I have already forgiven you. I would be so proud to show you to the world as my wife, the mother of our children. All I ask is that you step back and trust your instincts, that what you are doing is hurting our family in ways you can never repair if you continue on this path.

You are my home. You are my other half. You are my soul. There is no length that is to far to be there for you. I am here for you, I always have been, and I always will be.

My Loverly, my wife. I know this road I offer you will not be easy. But saving a family means so much more than the path to save it. It is worth it, beyond all else. Find your strength my darling, find your way. I promise to hold your hand and walk that road with you. There is happiness at the end of the journey that compares to no other.

I promise, All of my love, your husband, Name

Who was that that reconciled? Justthe3ofus? I would love to get his spouse comments as well if possible..

"This must first start with you forgiving me and yourself for our past."

This seems demanding the way it is worded. I completely understand what you are saying though. Maybe instead of "must" you can say that you feel it must or that "we must start..." I would try not to put to much of it on her.

Remember that Dr.Harley says that BSs should not expect an apology.

" But I do implore you to find the strength to save your children, to save your family."

I'm not sure what would be better to say here but, I know my WW would view this as me using the kids against her. It might still be OK though.

"All I ask is that you step back and trust your instincts, that what you are doing is hurting our family in ways you can never repair if you continue on this path."

To me, asking her to trust her instincts is like asking her to trust her feelings. Feelings lie. I would not say this. There may be a better way to say it though. You are also defining her "instincts" for her; it may come across as controlling.

Other than what I have noted (and I'm no vet) your letter seems excellent. I am taking notes from it.

That sounds like a great idea.

It reads far to judgmental and weak (the multiple endearments is too much for a wayward who is checked out) I suggest the following or something more like it:


Dearest Name,


Your decision to end our marriage from your perspective is justified. I am sorry that I have not met your most important emotional needs. This created a void that allowed OM to try to meet them.

I believe that you and I have an opportunity to build a beautiful, loving, prosperous, and most of all happy marriage. A happy family.

That we have made it to this point where everything is seemingly lost is so very heartbreaking. Let us work together to turn things around and create a mutually satisfying marriage for us and our children. I am willing to do this with you. I pray that you have a change of heart and decide to join me in doing so.

I am here for you and our children


All of my love, your husband, Name

I typed my letter/note until I got the way I wanted it, then hand wrote it. That way I didn't mess up hand writing it, but it was more personal that way. Anyway, the site for future reference is: http://0bin.net/, you could scan docs and the site encrypts them.

You need to go to "my stuff" - "preferences" and set your preferences to have topics on your watch list emailed to you.

I think that letter is very judgemental and hostile, and sending it would be a serious mistake.

@SugarCane, can you offer something different. How about what @reading suggested. And how about @face1's response, I have two wildly different opinions.

And @SugarCane, what do you think of @ Jedi_Knight's post?

This is an example of what I've sent my wife, based on the template Justthe3ofus provided me:

http://0bin.net/paste/8RFhCWUZIwRY2PV2#VYET+wqzl-J5WJmldgYCN88ba8H9Qsc+a0YVK4pHlL7

In whatever you send, I would not tell her she's justified in leaving you, because she's not. Reasons but no excuses for an affair.

I would also steer about a million miles away from telling her that you know how she's feeling, that there are limits to your desire to please her (e.g. I won't beg/plead/etc), or anything else judgmental or presumptuous. Stick to positives about her, positives about what you're willing to do for her, and positives about your past together.

I'll have to come back to this later. I have no time to post now. I posted earlier because I urgently wanted to stop you sending that letter. I think it would be wildly counter-productive.

The short answer is that you need to keep your goal in mind. Your goal is to convince her that if she will give another chance, you will deal with her complaints about the marriage, and that the horrible behaviour that you displayed when she lived with you will never happen again. You should be writing a love letter to her. That letter you drafted would not sound like a love letter if I were in her position. It tells her off, it lays down the law ("I will not beg"; why say this at all? How does it help her to fall back in love with you? You are STILL mixing DB nonsense with Plan A), it expresses anger and it expresses impatience.

It would be better not to send anything at all than to send that. That letter needs to be scrapped, not edited and salvaged.

What he said.

Spoke to her this morning. Her step mother told her if I truly loved her I'd let her go. I told her I cannot accept that, true love never gives up. I stopped there to not argue. When she was going to end the relationship, the reason she decided to continue was because the OM told her I was brainwashing her into having feelings for me, and she believed that.

The conversation did not end well, I did not break (get mad or mean or harsh), and simply listened and said I was not brainwashing you.

At the end she said, from now on if we talk, it is about the children only or I just will not talk to you.

How do I compete with Letting go vs not giving up.

Her stepmother reads to many romance novels.

Of course the OM told her you were brainwashing, that is the exact tactic of a brainwasher.

Dont listen to her nonsense, keep doing your Plan A best.

That's exactly what PM's WW POSOM has been banging into her head about him.

It must be a Playahs Script thing.

LTL

Her brother is on my side, but is unwilling to help me fight. I asked if he could talk to his father. He said he'd try but I do not have any confidence that he will accomplish anything. My wife only chooses to go to the only people that will not fight with me. I pray they open their hearts, but I do not see that possible. I am at such a disadvantage.

Have you drafted up a new letter, yet? I agree with the others, do not send your previous letter. It needs to be a love letter. Have you ever wrote your W a love letter before?

Yes I have, writing it today I will post once ready

Dearest Name, my Loverly, My Wife, My love, My everything,

When we first met, it took me over a month to get the courage to ask you out. I knew how to talk to a girl and I knew what I could say to win you over. But there was that way about you, your smile, your eyes, and the sweetness in your voice that melted me. I never felt that way with anyone ever. The day I finally found the courage to use my words, I knew you were the one.

That night in the park, while you were on the swing, that moment has lasted forever in my heart. I remember telling you how I wish time would stop so we could live this moment for as long as we chose to stay in it.

Last year for our 9 year anniversary, you told me how happy you were that we made it as far as we have, after all the struggles and trials life seemed to throw our way. I was so happy to hear your words. This is the reason I would always say �Thank you�, and you would reply �for what�. �For loving me�, I replied.

Every time we held hands, I would touch the ring I placed on your finger. I would kiss it and kiss you. I would smile and see you smile back every time. I made it a point in my life to make you smile at every chance I had, and I was always able to do so; even now.

I feel nearly broken, my heart is breaking in ways I never thought imaginable. I thought we were happy, and I was so blinded by the day to day, I could not see your smile was fading. But yet you still smiled. There was a glimmer that was still there, I would swear that even now I can still see it, albeit faint.

It saddens me more than I can express, in words, in tears, or in actions, on how life has come to be today. I am deeply hurt by your decision to leave our marriage for this affair. I have so many hopes and dreams that I know are before us, our marriage can be better than ever. There is a path we can take to enable us to find the romance we used to have and lost along the way. I ask you, dear wife, take my hand, and fight with me to rebuild our trust and love. Walk with me on this path so we can find that happiness.

I promise you that we can both find the happiness that you so desire, that you so deserve, if we can both learn to meet each other�s emotional needs. We never have to walk that lonely road ever again.

I realize this goes against your desires as I have been a flawed and imperfect husband. I am sorrier than these words will ever express for my role in hurting your heart and destroying the love that we had shard so deeply. Falling out of love does not mean an end, it is not an excuse to say goodbye. It is a problem that we can face together with our heads held high, so that we can reach the end of the road more in love, and happier than we ever have been before; and to stay that way, for better or worse, until the end of forever that I always promised you.

With all my heart, you Lover, your Husband, Name