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Prisca, yesterday you asked please answer why WW always asks what im doing. wouldnt mind your response to that aswell as todays reply. I asked if you were going to do Plan A. But Dr. Harley says you are forced into a Plan B, so that is the route you should go. If you are going to Plan B, don't worry about why she asks about what you are doing. Start preparing for Plan B and to cut her out of your life.
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I had a choice. The DR would have given them to me. I elected to go the try and get real sleep ( which i did last nite). I'm getting over the inital shock of the affair and she is heavy into the fog. My key logger has me into her FB now which I can clearly see they are having sexual conversations. and have been ***EDIT*** WW grandparents called me today. i was hesitant but told them about her affair. she asked me if i would stay with my WW if she stopped i said ofcourse i want nothing more than that. she has my WW wrapped so mabye she'll bust her out IDK they are coming up fo x mas.
Last edited by Toujours; 12/02/14 03:21 PM. Reason: TOS: graphic
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Be careful. What will look worse at the court case is if you can't control yourself because of anxiety/depression.
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I see that he has said you should be in Plan B. That means that you can NOT have anymore exchanges with her like the one you had above. He also talked a bit about your anger, and what a problem it is: "Several things need to happen, first of all I want you to take care of your anger."
"You may argue that she triggers your angry outbursts and all that, but I've got to tell you that YOU'VE GOT TO GET TO A POINT, SOON, where you no longer have angry outbursts."
"Your anger is your worst enemy."
"Everybody gets angry once in awhile, right? YOU cannot get angry."
"You've got to see somebody professional so that you work on your angry reactions so that you don't have them." So, what are you doing about that? Please answer and tell us what you are doing about your anger.
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I'm currently living at my mothers house. i tenatively will be back in my home possibly tomorrow if im not being lied to again. then i will clean and straighten up my home. i still have my daughter on certian days. and then i will go dark for plan B. but its not gone well at all latley i will say. also the sleep aid has allowed me to sleep thru the night twice. I am also speaking to friends and doing things for my enjoymnet to some extent.
I will say text WW usually dosent go well and anger does seem to be both of our issues. I actually told her to calm as soon as im back in the home and she is in her new place i promise her an overdue cool down period.
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Bump. WW making random abusive text. new thing. I absolutey try not to respond WW works her comments in between conversations about our D4.
WW moved out then had an incident between OM father and brother was the victim. so police were called to that residence. sunday WW text me she may be staying in my house till spring till she can afford her own place. i worry she pays nothing towards the home as its only in my name and always has been aswell as i have a pre neptuial aggrement. propane in my name(address) electric ect.
to many things i will need a laywer for at this point.
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Clinton,
You are supposed to be in Plan B.
In Plan B,she cannot call or text you.
Have you read about Plan B in Surviving an Affair?
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You should have no communication with her until she has ended her affair and is willing to never see or speak to the OM again.
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well yes I have Read Plan B. states I may communicate about visitation with child D4, I'd asssume property, as i currently was told WW would only be there a week to move out when WW set up the RO in court. is what she told Judge. so i have a bag of clothes. I have snowmobiles i need to get use of. aswell as WW was supposed to move out and i back into the home. home is out of propane and its winter... I need to have WW arange for me to get some prpoerty of mine with police there ect. i would call it conversation. i get text from WW like ignoring me again ect. as i do not reply to WW. If WW filed i will likley open a thread in the Divorce forum. I am retaining a laywer who does both criminal and divorce so he knows the whole story and ideally i wont skip any important details if i need to proceed. curently she has no real right to my home. as i built it years before WW & I got married. its only in my name and i have a pre nup. i need to file in probate to superceed WW RO and remove her. But its touchy WW has stated she would use her marrige privalge to drop charges. its purely of her own free will. therfore i am complient for now. The state has bassically nudered me at this point. so a strong plan B will happen fully when i get past the first hurdle (marrige privalege or VA action to drop whole this.
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well yes I have Read Plan B. states I may communicate about visitation with child D4, ... No, Plan B states that you do not communicate with her at all. An intermediary handles all contact, and passes on to you only the facts that are really necessary. All the drama is filtered out. You have no direct contact with your WS, and they have no way of getting to you without going through the intermediary.
me-65
wife-61
married for 40 years
DS - 38, autistic, lives at home
DD - 37, married and on her own
DS - 32, still living with us
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well yes I have Read Plan B. states I may communicate about visitation with child D4, I'd asssume property, Plan B is *NO* contact. Zero. Nada. None. Any essential information should be screened through your intermediary.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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oh. well I cant ive been advised by my laywer to be complacinet not upset WW until charges are dismissed. I also to not speak to WW about anything other than children D$ or Property at this point. I ignore/don't respond to most of what WW says half of it is unreasonable accusations based soley on WW imagination.
Mabye I'm on plan C.(lawyer advise...I'm not focused on relashionship more focused on charges and carrer issues currently)
But once I file in probate the house and she cant go there. I will go dark and give myself the recovery I know I need.
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oh. well I cant ive been advised by my laywer to be complacinet not upset WW until charges are dismissed. I also to not speak to WW about anything other than children D$ or Property at this point. I ignore/don't respond to most of what WW says half of it is unreasonable accusations based soley on WW imagination.
Mabye I'm on plan C.(lawyer advise...I'm not focused on relashionship more focused on charges and carrer issues currently)
But once I file in probate the house and she cant go there. I will go dark and give myself the recovery I know I need. Why can't you use an IM to contact with your WW? IM Training School Parallel Parenting in Plan B
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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oh she is pregnant. but I tried for 5 years WW issue. WW using a fake pregnacy (possible) (3rd time) to hold this POSOM together WW still think OM sees other women aswell.
Last edited by clintonior; 12/29/14 02:47 PM.
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ok. so here is an update after 3 months.. i probably wont be able to capyure all the happened..
1 i got my house back. i filed a motion to remove my address from WW RO as my home was abandon with 5 feet of snow in the driveway and propane could not be delived..WW took this as a time to congratulate me on my sucess..(odd)this was three weeks ago,
2 WW has stated she wants counseling and try to reconcile..
3 WW tells me she is not "with" OM..
4 picked my daughter up yesterday at a mall 5 mins from OM house. WW lives hour away but it is the mall WW & I frequented.. and D4 said OM was inside and was with her all day..WW picked D4 up and then called me stating i have to stop asking D4 if OM was with mommy. and WW then told me she was not with OM but with a best friend. D4 said otherwise D$ also said she had no lunch but then said she did later and called them snacks. this has been very tough on her im sure.
situation is I took my Vows and meant them I feel i could reconcile still. but I'm still being lied to..also after i talked with her i recived a random text from OM saying " have a great night" which tells me WW contacted OM after talking with me.. this also leads me to draw a conclusion that OM hasnt been into WW and when i get involved he pays attention to her as if the Affair is what drives the contact...?? not sure.. anyways I'm being lied to.. Ive comne to the conclusion if i do divorce i want an aggreed petetion for separation and 50/50 JPL custody of D4.. any advise as i feel a false reconcile is revealing itself. I said to WW we wont fix us with out counseling as im convinced she is using pathalogical lying as a psciopathic manipulative tool. and narsacistic as she took her affair and made me out to be an abuser which was a false accusation.
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Are you actually thinking she's done with OM?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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nope.. WW Said she isn't "with" OM the only conclusion I draw is it may not exclusive to her perhaps.( I use the term are you still with the OM or you r are still with OM.. ect..). WW still seems to address him as a great friend who came to her in a time of need ect.... which is BS to me as WW let a one year marriage fall on its face ect. one issue I'm dealing with is obviously if I still love WW.Trust is gone WW still lies constanly. I have had to much time to think thru this at this point. I'd assume this would be a common issue.. curently anytime I talk to WW about D4 she asks who I'm with.. this has remained the same since Nov separation.. WW seems to want to validate my faithfulness thru this.
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ok. so here is an update after 3 months.. i probably wont be able to capyure all the happened..
1 i got my house back. i filed a motion to remove my address from WW RO as my home was abandon with 5 feet of snow in the driveway and propane could not be delived..WW took this as a time to congratulate me on my sucess..(odd)this was three weeks ago,
2 WW has stated she wants counseling and try to reconcile..
3 WW tells me she is not "with" OM..
4 picked my daughter up yesterday at a mall 5 mins from OM house. WW lives hour away but it is the mall WW & I frequented.. and D4 said OM was inside and was with her all day..WW picked D4 up and then called me stating i have to stop asking D4 if OM was with mommy. and WW then told me she was not with OM but with a best friend. D4 said otherwise D$ also said she had no lunch but then said she did later and called them snacks. this has been very tough on her im sure.
situation is I took my Vows and meant them I feel i could reconcile still. but I'm still being lied to..also after i talked with her i recived a random text from OM saying " have a great night" which tells me WW contacted OM after talking with me.. this also leads me to draw a conclusion that OM hasnt been into WW and when i get involved he pays attention to her as if the Affair is what drives the contact...?? not sure.. anyways I'm being lied to.. Ive comne to the conclusion if i do divorce i want an aggreed petetion for separation and 50/50 JPL custody of D4.. any advise as i feel a false reconcile is revealing itself. I said to WW we wont fix us with out counseling as im convinced she is using pathalogical lying as a psciopathic manipulative tool. and narsacistic as she took her affair and made me out to be an abuser which was a false accusation.[b][/b] Dont diagnose your wife. Youre not a psychologist and she is just another cheating woman. Nothing exceptional about her.
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nope.. WW Said she isn't "with" OM the only conclusion I draw is it may not exclusive to her perhaps.( I use the term are you still with the OM or you r are still with OM.. ect..). WW still seems to address him as a great friend who came to her in a time of need ect.... which is BS to me as WW let a one year marriage fall on its face ect. one issue I'm dealing with is obviously if I still love WW.Trust is gone WW still lies constanly. I have had to much time to think thru this at this point. I'd assume this would be a common issue.. curently anytime I talk to WW about D4 she asks who I'm with.. this has remained the same since Nov separation.. WW seems to want to validate my faithfulness thru this. You aren't regular in posting so its hard to advise you. But at this point you should be in Plan A and trying to make love bank deposits. Are you doing that?
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ok I will not diagnose her. just the shoe fit. continuing on. I had posted if you read up an few. i recived no feed back when i was looking for some insight. either way I continue to see my D4 every friday after work till sunday am.. I contact WW and call my D4 during the week. I feel i make suttle love deposits. WW came in the house last weekend plopped down on the couch explaing how my D4 was sick. then proceeded to call her work and try to get out of working stating she had to stay home with our sick daughter who then stayed with me. but during that unessasary lie telling i was not at all argumentative and caring. later on that sunday nite i had aranged to have my daughter for st patricks day dinner. and WW asked me to meet her at pet smart to pick up my daughter. WW got a new Husky puppy she showed me that morning when i arrived WW was outside with D4. no puppy..I asked D4 who was inside with the Puppy. D4 was hesitant but told me OM i asked no are you sure not mommies best friend female name.. D$ said uh uhh.. ok so she is inside with OM.. who WW claims she is not "with".. then D4 gets picked up dinner was fun. and i get a text. " i was not With OM" ok. well she goes onto say she dosent like being accused ect, i said i did not mention anything to you nor accuse you then she told me she was with her bFF female name. which D4 said she was not ect..i made no big issue of it nor did i really care at this point. so.. mabye that brings it into focus a bit??
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