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WW and OM are doing it in a car at the gym, some out of the way private area in the gym.
OM is traveling for now.
Get that VAR for her car now.
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Well there is nothing going on with Her phone so If it is happening its all through convos in the gym.
Any ideas?
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It could be an affair phone(bought by OM or her), that happens all the time.
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Well there is nothing going on with Her phone so If it is happening its all through convos in the gym.
Any ideas? Has it occurred to you that she has may have an affair phone? It is a very common thing for people to do. That's why you need a VAR.
me-65
wife-61
married for 40 years
DS - 38, autistic, lives at home
DD - 37, married and on her own
DS - 32, still living with us
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Defo no other phone absolutely certain
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Defo no other phone absolutely certain How can you be so sure? You can go to Walmart, buy a preloaded phone with no contract for less than $20, and you are up and running. I doubt you would ever know.
me-65
wife-61
married for 40 years
DS - 38, autistic, lives at home
DD - 37, married and on her own
DS - 32, still living with us
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Defo no other phone absolutely certain Your major Denial is going to severely hurt any chances you have for recovering your marriage. It is only the Betrayed Spouses who ACT and follow up that are successful. My goodnes, wouldn't You be able to buy a $20.00 Trac Phone and keep it hidden if you wanted? Even without using a cell phone, they see each other How Often on a regulations basis at the gym??? Take off your blinders. This happens every day. LTL
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Ouch, this sounds like what happened to me. After 5 months of hell, she is just recently willing to try again. I found nothing so far, but still suspect an EA did and may still be going on. I am no expert, and I am not out of the woods yet, but I did manage to bring her back to the point of trying again.
This is what helped turn the tide initially, along with coaching (which I think is also very important, I could not follow the instructions faithfully without it). **EDIT**
Last edited by MBSync; 12/24/14 12:04 PM. Reason: TOS - Non-MB resource
2 kids
1M 1992
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Defo no other phone absolutely certain Can you afford a PI?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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It's over guys regardless of what I do she has moved on.
We met when she was 17 , had kids and married quickly. I have only been her only sexual partner in all her life. She out grew me a long time ago I think. I like s lot of affection and it's something she has never give in all her time with me. It's not an affair it's just a too young too soon relationship. I like a touchy feel relationship holding hands hugs and kisses she has never been like this. I deserve more and she has told me lots of times , she will always be shallow I think regardless if future boyfriends. She is absolutely stunning though and j don't think I will ever meet anyone so perfect in looks and body in my life, but I would sacrifice that for someone who loves and shares that affection back to me.
Last edited by mab1979; 12/24/14 05:59 PM.
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It's over guys regardless of what I do she has moved on.
We met when she was 17 , had kids and married quickly. I have only been her only sexual partner in all her life. She out grew me a long time ago I think. I like s lot of affection and it's something she has never give in all her time with me. It's not an affair it's just a too young too soon relationship. I like a touchy feel relationship holding hands hugs and kisses she has never been like this. I deserve more and she has told me lots of times , she will always be shallow I think regardless if future boyfriends. She is absolutely stunning though and j don't think I will ever meet anyone so perfect in looks and body in my life, but I would sacrifice that for someone who loves and shares that affection back to me. That's a load of sh*t. Where in your wedding vows did it say "or until you get tired of each other"? If you really think that she has just "moved on" you are still just giving up on your family and your marriage. For your kids sake, how can you not try and make a better life? Marriages survive affairs all the time, yours can survive whatever your wife's problem is. It takes effort and you can't just throw in the towel when its too hard. The two of you can learn to meet each other's emotional needs and recreate the compatibility you have given up on. You can make a better marriage and that creates a better family.
BH 31
Married 5 years
D day-10/8/14
Separated-10/27/14
1 DS3
1 DSS13
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I would and want too but she having none of it.
People do outgrow people it's not all about affairs.
I believe she may be wandering in her head about a better life better lover but nothing going on as yet.
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I hear what your saying but let's just say she is sick of the abuse and arguments and has moved on in her head, how do I get her back from that ?
I'm telling you she is way over me
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I still have my money on an affair.
Did she ever approach you about abuse and arguments in the past?
Your abusive actions are habits that you can overcome. You should read the book "Love Busters" by Dr.Harley.
BH 31
Married 5 years
D day-10/8/14
Separated-10/27/14
1 DS3
1 DSS13
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It's over guys regardless of what I do she has moved on.
We met when she was 17 , had kids and married quickly. I have only been her only sexual partner in all her life. She out grew me a long time ago I think. I like s lot of affection and it's something she has never give in all her time with me. It's not an affair it's just a too young too soon relationship. I like a touchy feel relationship holding hands hugs and kisses she has never been like this. I deserve more and she has told me lots of times , she will always be shallow I think regardless if future boyfriends. She is absolutely stunning though and j don't think I will ever meet anyone so perfect in looks and body in my life, but I would sacrifice that for someone who loves and shares that affection back to me. DO NOT give up mab. There is so much more you can do to change this thing around. Whether there is an affair or not (I think there probably is, if only in her mind), there is a lot you can do to improve and maybe change things. The sucky part is it isn't easy. It will beat you up and take a lot of self discipline, but you will know you went to the wall for your marriage, your wife, your love. Don't quit. Listen to the good folks on this board and you and your wife will be better for it no matter what happens. Merry Christmas and I pray the grace of the Lord is your refuge in this storm.
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People do outgrow people it's not all about affairs. You need to stop getting your relationship concepts from the popular media. Good marriages are built. They don't just happen. People don't outgrow each other. Rather, they fail to meet each other's needs, often opening the door to having those needs met by others. Even in the unlikely case that your wife is not having an affair, she is still in withdrawal. You need to Plan A her out of withdrawal.
me-65
wife-61
married for 40 years
DS - 38, autistic, lives at home
DD - 37, married and on her own
DS - 32, still living with us
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My wife said that too, it was absolutely for sure over, now she is trying again.... It can be done.. It is hard and it takes time and discipline.
All love busters have to stop immediately. All interactions need to be positive and build love. She needs to be feel good about talking to you. This is the hard part because she is rejecting right now and trying too hard or pushing too hard will push her away... Research ***EDIT***
Last edited by Ariel; 12/26/14 12:14 PM. Reason: TOS
2 kids
1M 1992
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Marriage Builders has the best plan I have ever seen to give one the best chance at reconciliation. So what does he need to research? 
Last edited by Ariel; 12/26/14 12:15 PM. Reason: Editing quote
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Hey, I'm not an expert, just trying to say what worked for me.
***EDIT***
Her love bank is closed and needs to be opened. I believe that is key and the most difficult part. I needed more specific help and a plan on how to do this, which was hard to find and I haven't seen anyone mention...
Last edited by Ariel; 12/26/14 12:18 PM. Reason: TOS
2 kids
1M 1992
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Hey, I'm not an expert, just trying to say what worked for me.
***EDIT***
Her love bank is closed and needs to be opened. I believe that is key and the most difficult part. I needed more specific help and a plan on how to do this, which was hard to find and I haven't seen anyone mention... Well, Marriage Builders does have a plan and it is very bad form to come on Dr Harley's free forum and refer people to resources that he doesn't recommend.
Last edited by Ariel; 12/26/14 12:18 PM. Reason: TOS
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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