If it develops?

You answered!?

Change your number. Don't waste another five minutes on this clown.

Well- right now I am still in denial. I care about him. He stood by me through many difficult times. I just being typical me- this is how I handle situations: "Oh, you poor thing! I am sorry you feeling bad dumping me. Let me make you feel better." I guess the reason I posted this on the forum is because there are many types of personalities and women that dealt with similar situation in totally different way. I am not "cut off loose and never look back" type of person. I still have hugs with every my ex, minus one. I am nice. I look at myself and try to figure out what I did that caused the situation and take responsibilities for my actions. And while I have excuse- I was stressed, I did not handle many situations well and could of contribute to this situation. Shouldn't I want to hear his New Year story? He says- he almost got in trouble. I want to see if he is really going to go through with the new life. I want to see if I have it in me to turn it around. I am curious if he admits to sleeping with somebody. This would make huge difference. I would not be able to deal with his lifestyle if I did not trust him 100%. The question is- is he worth saving. I want to hear his thought process. Yeah, ok, I still act like it matters. I just have hard time to imaging that we would have lives apart.

On another hand- I kind of excited about the opportunity to start dating again. But I know- it will wear off soon, because I have done that for years and met nothing but losers and more losers. But I do not want to give him an idea that I am going to beg him to stay with me. If I only say, "Hey, may be it is not such a good idea to break up now- lets wait and see if we can work it out..."- he is going to have this bored face like he is trapped and just found another obstacle to his freedom to ruin his life. I should of not reply, but then I would miss out on all the drama. I am predictable. I wish I act not predictable- may be it would change something. There are many ways to accomplish the same result- this is the way I usually choose to respond.

Now- I probably should figure out what I want to accomplish. Am I ready for complete freedom and life without him? Yes and no. Can I expect significant improvement if we talk and decide to keep these relationships? I dont know. May be slight improvement. That is all under condition that he did not sleep with anybody. Do I want to date and meet other people? Yes. Would I consider open relationships? I am not sure. Again- it would not be the same if we start to sleep with other people- there is no way back from that. So what is the conclusion? Realistically? It is either moving on or more of the same, right?

Making mistakes and learning from them is how we reach wisdom. How could we reach wisdom any other way?

MB is an incredibly powerful way to create and preserve strong relationships. So powerful that in fact you can use it to get anyone to fall and stay in love with you. Learn how to do it and you will get the added benefit of also be teaching your child how to build strong relationships.

Decide never again to have a relationship like this last one where you were a distant second for far too long. Better to be single which is tons of fun too by the way.

But give yourself some time to grieve and recover first.

Thank you for taking your time reading this thread. I was single for 20 years. Nothing good came out of it. I do not need a man to provide for me or to move in to his house- I can make independent living, this is why I could afford fun guys with personality. This one has multiple personalities and mild insanity that he hides well most of the time. he needs to be carefully medicated for his own good. But he is fun- very funny- I just dont laugh at all his jokes any more- I heard them all. He says- he is not good for me. He wants to get out of relationships to free me to have what I deserve (my words). He can not function up to my standards, I guess. Single is not fun. Not 20 years of it. I was really enjoying to have my own man with family to go for Christmas eve and breakfast in the morning. You, married women, taking it for granted.

I will let you know what he has to say. I did not know he would be resisting having normal life that hard. When we started- we wanted the same things. I can not make any decisions without talking to him. It sounds like everybody else around already figured it out. I need to know WHY he can not have normal relationships.

No he was renting you for seven years of having needs met. This guy doesn't want a home. He knew this day would come.

Of course you still care about him. It takes time. You will need three weeks of no contact with him before you feel better. It's like a bad flu.

That withdrawal clock of cold turkey hasn't started yet because you haven't started it.

Don't repeat your pattern of volunteering as a continued punch bag until another loser thinks he can swoop in vulture style.



Everyone on Facebook knows it. He is so totally contemptuous of you he does it openly.



Ewwwwwwwww. Open relationships?!!!

You really dont think much of yourself do you.

If you lose the chain of fools you are still in contact with you will meet lots of nice guys.

A nice guy won't date a girl who hangs out with exes like you do.

I would describe the aging Peter Pan act as more of a pose than a personality.

Nobody cares. He is a playah and they are very predictable and dull.



I'm not married. On the advice of this forum I chucked my husband of ten years because I deserve to be number one.

I did not date until a period of grieving but I honestly had amazing fun with just female friends and activities.

Now I'm in love again. I haven't had a single bad day, or hour with this man in two years because my bar is high.

I would not be here today if I had stayed in the swamp licking my wounds. You have to get up and go even when your heart is breaking.

Indiegirl, you are so smart- it is scary. I am happy that you found what you were looking for. I am sure it is possible. My excuse is- I am in arts and need a man that can help me with it. This is why I hang out with this type of crowd. Normal guys most of time do not have any idea what I am talking about, when I bring up my interests or technical stuff.

My "likely soon to be xBF" is not player- he only had couple of girlfriends in his life- all long term. He dated one 15 years. When I picked him up- he was very innocent. I know it is like an excuse, but it is like trying to loose weight when working on chocolate factory. I guess he can not control himself as well as he thought he could.

And yes, you are right about the Facebook. His Facebook page looks like he is single. No "family" pictures- very few with me. The girls at work taking pictures every time and he is not afraid to pose- it promotes him. But this is what I wanted- to date somebody like Tom Cruise- a public figure in small town. Living my childhood dreams.

The Xes... We are in very small circle- everybody knows everybody. In fact- after we separate, we will still likely see each other on and off in the community. It is easier to act like we are best friends. Otherwise, there would be too much politics. But, yes, I am guilty of hanging on to Xes.

All that "healing" stuff... having man to me is = having social life. I do not have female friends. When I was young, I was the type most of women did not want around their husbands. I was absolutely harmless, just stand out. So- no girls nights out for me. Going out alone is dangerous, this is how women get hurt. And going to safe classy places is good chance to run in to him, as he works everywhere. So the only way out is line up the dates as soon as I can and start interviewing people for the boyfriend position. That is the only was to convey a message that I am moving on, and I should look happy, because everybody is going to talk and say, "Look- she changed such a great guy for that ugly dude..."

I feel sorry you allowed this relationship to go without marriage for so long. Did HE convince you to follow this life style? Or was this all your idea? Believe me, the "new" love of his life will insist on marriage and you'll be in shock when he marries her after a 3 week courtship! This happens over and over. His outlook and life assessments will all change for HER! So....that being said, get out! Don't make this mistake again. You sound like you have a lot to offer and you'll find a better man who is worthy.

I heard all so many times about these situations when a man marries new woman in 3 months. I strongly believe- marriage was possible for us- I chose not to pursue it, due to his financial situation. He lost a house early in our relationships and I did not want it on my credit. Plus- we both were not stable financially enough... for me to support myself, a child and another grown up child. Now that he is making enough to at least RENT a place for us to live as a family, he suddenly does not want a family. He does not really know what he wants. "I will go on Broadway... " is not a life plan, is it?

I wouldn't. And I've been called the "most eligible bachelor in America" by some...

That is if your goal was to create family. Many people, especially when they young date "for now." Many go out with different guys or girls. Again- these are my memories from my 20ties. But in 4th and 5th decade, many men just want to have steady GF to go out for dinner and spend a night with. They do not call in between.

Of course. many young men just want the same thing too. Date and sex with no strings attached.
That is not a mutually caring relationship. If you get in a car accident and are unable to have dinner and sex will the same men come around on their timetable?

Well- that is my point. When I said "open relationships", I did not mean sexual. I meant- going out have fun, do things. It takes loooong time before it gets to the sex now days. With me, any way. I would ask a man to go take HIV and STD test, if he disagrees.... I was assigned to work in an STD clinic for short time. You would be surprised people you would see there. Nicely dressed educated people with good jobs have bad conditions. I felt like I wish to remember their faces to make sure I don't see them on a dating site. The point it- if it gets to sexual side of relationships, there is no way back to the X. It becomes unfixable. This is why I like to know if he did or did not do it.

Dr. Harley recommends to not have any contact with ex-lovers.

Almost a week later we did not make any progress. We still going to break up. From one conversation we had, he did not understand why I had problem with him going out to woods with 20 years olds. He does not sleep with any of them. He told me that he did it many times before, he just did not tell me because it would not go very well. His problem with me is that I am mean, unpleasant and always arguing with him. He is very busy, has so many exciting things happening at the same time- he has no time to meet my expectations. He has many friends and many of them are female. He cannot help it to notice that the person he went to woods with is beautiful, has blue eyes and great hair, but she has a boyfriend, other than that- he gets alone with her very well- much better than with me. He cannot wait to tell her about all the accusations I am making. The reason I don�t have any men calling and inviting me to go out with them is because I am mean and have no friends, and nobody likes me. He did not invite me to go to the woods, because I would not go. He knows because I do not appreciate the nature. He is all crazy and insane, art is his life and this not going to change, and I need to move on because I cannot handle it.

Shocker.

We told you that a while back. Hopeless case. He is looking for volunteer victims, replenished every several years if not sooner.

A man who makes excuses about the finances of marriage, a man who doesn't want to make you his wife within two years, three tops, is just passing his time and wasting yours.

Would you spend several years with another renter or would you consider using MB next time?

Actually it is shocker. I thought we were taking care of finances to be able to live together one day. I was waiting first several years for him to get stable job, now that he did, he does not need me? This is soooo classic- it is not makes sense.

Marriage builders... if I was offering MB tips to him, for example, he would laugh, probably, because he is soooo different than everybody else- the rules do not apply to him. All he wants is to be creative and stay busy doing what he likes. I guess it may be important for somebody who just got busy- finally he found what he wanted. The way he talks now reminds me myself in my 20ties. Spending lots of time with young people and receiving relationships advice from 20 years old makes him sound like overgrown teen. We all used to value friends over family. When we mature, we supposed to start value family over friends. He is still in the "friendship" stage.

To try MB principles on another man? So far- I was not able to find anybody, who would be interested for more than 3 e-mails. It has been 2 weeks- I was just looking for somebody to keep me company while this resolves. I don't know if I want to raise expectations that much- I find MB ideas not realistic. It may work for some. With age people become more cynical. Right now reading MB stuff makes me feel like failure because this is exactly what I could not accomplish. It puts unrealistic expectations on couples and demands this super loyalty and commitment that not reachable under many circumstances. I am not idealist.

Please take time to heal. You are moving much too fast. Nobody worthwhile wants to 'keep you company while you resolve'. Going out and meeting people will be fun and exciting when you are ready. Of course reading MB stuff depresses you now, we all felt that way when we discovered this place. If only you had known eh?

Nothing unrealistic about it, it is just logic. Spend time reading and listening to MB radio. One of the most enlightening things for me was just hearing the deeply respectful way in which Dr Harley and his wife treat one another. If they can do it that, so can you.

LW, people able to put a "face" for the public. We used to be a couple of the year because we looked so good together.

What I meant was- I was not looking for super- promising marriage material guy- just anybody who meets some of characteristics, for now- to have some fun. Not going to get married right away- I can wait 5-10 years- lol. Men must be talking to many women at the same time and can not keep up with parallel conversation.

Healing is nice. The best way to heal is to find somebody else. Nothing is worse than to sit by the computer and wonder where your X is and what he does. I do not have expectations to be swiped off my feet by a superhero- anything like that. Not looking for anybody to counsel me through this time. I dont know... I am not happy to start all over. I mean- we had problems, but it was not that bad. Appears- it was too much work for him- I dont know what kind of relationships he is looking for. Everything I said "might" happen did happen, but I dont like to be right and say, "told you so..." I told him 2 years ago- if he continues such behavior- this is how he will feel about us in the near future. And here we go... I hate my life experience. I know too much... Men suck...