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Originally Posted By: Mark_NZ
Hi Melody

I am here because I hope to find solutions to our marriage's current issue. I need to implement the program in such a way that I ensure we:

(a) Do not lose our house;
(b) Do not lose our business;
(c) Are not sued by disgruntled clients;
(d) Can live a normal and healthy life, taking part in community or sporting activities, which is healthy for both body and mind.

If any of these things happen, I won't have a marriage.

I have found the website very useful, thanks. I have found the posts by some users here, quite useful, thanks. I have found Will Harley's books very useful, thanks. (I own a few) I regret to say, you're suggestions are not practical in our situation, so I'd invite you to waste your time with someone else, and refrain from reading my posts or commenting on my posts, please.

For myself, I won't comment further on your posts, in my thread, so please take your vitriol somewhere else. I find your comments mildly abusive and not in keeping with the forum rules. If you are the owner of this website, then I will remove myself forthwith, but until that fact is proven, I need not do so.

Kind regards,
Mark

From the steps that Dr Harley recommends to recover a marriage from an affair, which ones are you willing to take?


BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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Mark, if you are not using the forum to implement this program, we are going to lock this thread. It is a distraction from our mission to come here and fight with posters who are giving you the steps for recovery. If you are not going to follow the program there is no point in keeping it open. Do you have a question for the posters on ways to implement first steps?


mbsurvivor11@gmail.com
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Originally Posted By: MBsurvivor
Mark, if you are not using the forum to implement this program, we are going to lock this thread. It is a distraction from our mission to come here and fight with posters who are giving you the steps for recovery. If you are not going to follow the program there is no point in keeping it open. Do you have a question for the posters on ways to implement first steps?


Thank you for your comments.
This is what I have done so far:

Checklist for How Affairs Should End

The unfaithful spouse should reveal information about the affair to the betrayed spouse. Done.

The unfaithful spouse should make a commitment to the betrayed spouse to never see or talk to the lover OP again. Done.

The unfaithful spouse should write a letter to the lover OP ending the relationship and send it with the approval of the betrayed spouse. Done.

The unfaithful spouse should take extraordinary precautions to guarantee total separation from the lover OP: Difficult to achieve, but she's making the effort.

Block potential communication with the lover OP (change e-mail address and home and cell phone numbers, and close all social networking accounts; have voice messages and mail monitored by the betrayed spouse). Done.

Account for time (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a twenty-four-hour daily schedule with locations and telephone numbers). Doing this.

Account for money (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a complete account of all money spent). Doing this.

Spend leisure time together. Doing this.

Change jobs and relocate if necessary. As explained, cannot do this under any circumstances.

Avoid overnight separation. We are never separate overnight, never have been, except when one of us had to go overseas for sport or other commitments.

Allow technical accountability. Doing this.

Expose affair to family members, clergy, and/or friends. Have so far exposed to some friends, some family and our pastor, also to marriage councillor.

I'm not fighting with anyone - I do ask though that advice be given that will not result in the complete implosion of our livelyhood. If you feel that's reason to lock the thread, then go right ahead.

Kind regards,
Mark

Last edited by Marcus_NZ; 02/07/15 10:32 PM.
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Thank you for your response. Since you have made it clear you cant follow the essential steps in recovery from an affair, we will lock this thread. If you decide to follow the program for recovery, let us know and we will unlock it. Best of luck to you and your wife.


mbsurvivor11@gmail.com
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