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He is nearly an hour late with drop off.
I just left to do errands and stopped waiting. I told my IM not to contact him, but just tell him that since he was late, I left, if he contacts her.
I had errands to run.
Did the right thing?
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
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BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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No, he just took her for the weekend. Stayed with his cousin, I think.
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
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This is like torture. I keep thinking that he will take her to back to Oakland (although chances are small given his nomadic lifestyle and lack of responsibility.
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
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I think your IM should contact him and ask him where he is and when he is returning DD. That's what the IM is there for.
ETA: IM should state that he is an hr late so it is documented.
Last edited by black_raven; 02/09/15 03:16 PM.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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He is nearly an hour late with drop off.
I just left to do errands and stopped waiting. I told my IM not to contact him, but just tell him that since he was late, I left, if he contacts her.
I had errands to run.
Did the right thing? This is what I've started to do. I wait 30-60 minutes, document it (by audio and video) and then leave. make sure you document you were at the pickup point on time. This can be done with a time stamped video, or even going to the local gas station and buying a cup of coffee and saving the receipt. He may be like my ex wife and just not care about protocol. She is late more than 50% of the time and I just expect it always.
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Now he is sitting in my driveway. I can see him from a few blocks away. This Gus is relentless. I'm not sure what to do.
Of course, I come back and he is there.
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
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If no one else is at your house, just scoop up DD and go in your house. Ignore him. Don't engage in an argument.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Actually, legally he does have to tell me. It is in our parenting agreement and it is the law... There is a parenting agreement? I thought he didn't sign anything. 
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Did then scooping and ignoring. I tried to think of a way to go around back, but I couldn't do it without him seeing me.
The parenting agreement has not been signed. I took ML's advice and stopped asking.
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
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My father doesn't want WH waiting on his property. Should I tell IM to tell him that?
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
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I would wait until his next visitation. When is the next time he will get DD?
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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PW, you did the right thing in not contacting him. Plan B means you don't contact him. If he hasn't signed your parenting agreement, then have your lawyer handle it.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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My father doesn't want WH waiting on his property. Should I tell IM to tell him that? What do you mean by that? Why would he be waiting on his property? And no, I would not have your IM contact him.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I am staying at home (the house I grew up in) while I look for a job and get on my feet. My father doesn't want my WH to park in the driveway or wait on the porch of the house with my DD, which is what he did today. If he is late and I am not there, he wants him to wait elsewhere.
I just walked straight past them both and opened the door and stood behind it while my daughter walked in. He made some comment that I treat him like a leper and tried to put her bag in the door. I just (gently) shut the door before he could do that. He left the bag outside the door and I got it later.
My lawyer won't be able to enforce anything since we are still married (even if we weren't I am not sure how this would be enforced). I will just leave if he is more than 15 mins late and he will have to deal with it. No talk, just action.
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
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I am staying at home (the house I grew up in) while I look for a job and get on my feet. My father doesn't want my WH to park in the driveway or wait on the porch of the house with my DD, which is what he did today. If he is late and I am not there, he wants him to wait elsewhere. I would ask your dad to handle this directly since it shouldn't be coming from you. That is pretty radical that he won't allow him to drive in the driveway and drop your DD off. How does he want your DD to get to the door? Or does he only mean when he is late?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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He just means he wants him to park on the street and not hang out on the porch if I or someone else is not there. He can walk her to the door. My dad hates him and very much does not hide it.
Last edited by PigletWiglet; 02/09/15 08:14 PM.
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
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I gotcha. Cant say I blame him! Do you have a set visitation calendar?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Yeah, my lawyer and I are working out tweaks to it, but it's set for the next few months. Mostly one visit a month and a couple of months with two visits and two week long visits to his parents, and he wants Christmas. This is for the whole year.
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
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I would prefer she didn't go for Christmas, but I kept her for both thanksgiving and Christmas this year, so it seems fair ( although I don't like it).
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
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