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Good.
Just keep focusing on moving forward in life.
Im actually familiar with N California. I used to work all over there.
And I spent a while at Disneyland last summer! Im from San Diego.
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Warriors, A's, and Raiders. East Bay style.
You handled things well with your WH. This won't be so hard later. You are in the process of bouncing back.
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He's in the "OC now -----!!!" Ha! Does anyone remember that show!! If I had handled it Oakland style, he would have remembered.
Honestly, the purposefully camping out in front of the house in order to get a glimpse of me is hilariously amusing. He did it three times this weekend. To what end? He likes to tell his lawyer I won't talk to him so she can tell my lawyer that I am not "co-parenting" with him. He has never once told his lawyer what vital piece of information I have withheld from him. Meh.
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
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I took Melody Lane's advice and asked about the slight schedule change (through my IM), and now I regret it. I just don't want to have anything to do with him. My dad really wants to take her to the event though. No more changes after this.
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
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He's in the "OC now -----!!!" Ha! Does anyone remember that show!! If I had handled it Oakland style, he would have remembered.
Honestly, the purposefully camping out in front of the house in order to get a glimpse of me is hilariously amusing. He did it three times this weekend. To what end? He likes to tell his lawyer I won't talk to him so she can tell my lawyer that I am not "co-parenting" with him. He has never once told his lawyer what vital piece of information I have withheld from him. Meh. Have you ever read the link for "Parallel Parenting" instead of trying to fight through this co-parenting chaos? LTL
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Hi LTL,
Yes, I have. The ridiculous lawyers are constantly trying to push co-parenting on me. I have so far resisted.
I don't do anything at all to facilitate the relationship between them besides provide him skype access. I have so far decided to do the following:
1) Try not to change the schedule
2) Not ask him where is going to be staying with her
3) Not tell him when she is sick unless it's an emergency.
For example, my lawyer recommended that I "facilitate" their skype calls by sitting in front of the computer with her and saying nice things about him, etc. I will do no such thing. I turn it on and walk away. I only get involved if there is a technical glich and even then, I stay out of the frame.
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
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I have just contacted a lawyer here in OC who knows about parallel parenting. I have to get a new lawyer anyway since I will be filing in OC and my current lawyer is in Alameda.
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
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A new lawyer is a must have. I see the Skype calls as a huge problem and you need to get a creative mind on that.
Interview lawyers experienced in high conflict problem spouses.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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The skype calls are fine now. I just put it on and walk away.
The bigger issue is just not having to "co-parent" at all and not having that pushed on me.
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
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I have just contacted a lawyer here in OC who knows about parallel parenting. I have to get a new lawyer anyway since I will be filing in OC and my current lawyer is in Alameda. You are doing Great PW. You take the actions needed, when they are needed. Remember, you will land on top when the dust clears. I sense a lot of perseverance to sticking with doing the right things to get through Any Adversity that confronts you. LTL
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Thanks LTL!
Everyone, just pray for the resources to get a new lawyer. I'm really in a bind without a job. I really want to interview the one I contacted yesterday, but he charges 300 just for the first consult.
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
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Thanks LTL!
Everyone, just pray for the resources to get a new lawyer. I'm really in a bind without a job. I really want to interview the one I contacted yesterday, but he charges 300 just for the first consult. Ask if he will waive the consult fee if you retain him? Or, make it a reasonable fee of $50.00 to $75.00 to prove your serious and invested in pursuing this. Tell him that is a big obstacle in considering their services. Negotiate. LTL
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I just tried it. He told me is minimum retainer was 5k and wished me well. Lol.
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
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Wow, that is crazy! 5x what I paid for my divorce.
Happily remarried to wonderful woman who I found using the guidelines in "Buyers, Renters, Freeloaders" 2 baby boys, working on #3 and couldn't ask for anything more. When my ex's affair happened: BH 28, Ex-WW:29 Married: 7 years Together: 8 years D-day: 10/5/2014 D filed: 1/22/2015 D Final: 6/4/2015 My story
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Ouch. The ones I looked at charged $200 for first consult (not in CA). I ended up just filing the forms on my own for $272 dollars. But then, I didn't have a kid. Sorry you are having to deal with that.
Can your Dad help?
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Ask him if he knows of good family law attorney who charges less.
When I filed, I asked an attorney I knew if she could direct me to a strong divorce attorney who could protect my children from my WW's OM. The attorney she referred me to took a call from me at no charge. During the conversation, he told me I could not afford him, but he referred to me to a pit bull attorney who was significantly cheaper. Worked out well.
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Ok, asked. I already have spent way too much money, when we really don't have anything since I supported us for so long alone. I would feel much more secure with good representation. I'll need to figure things out on a shoestring. I could probably do the paperwork myself and have it checked by the courts free legal services and just pay for advice.
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
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OK, that lawyer is a jerk. I asked him for a referral and he basically said that he didn't have anyone to refer me to and that I get what I pay for. Geez. He could have just ignored me.
Back to the drawing board.
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
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I'd try a women's shelter and ask if they know anyone who does pro bono or legal workshops for battered women.
My lawyer does this and the experience makes her excellent with waywards.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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