I left. They started talking about activities so the families could get to know each other and taking the kids out if the room, and I grabbed my bag and left. I am so angry right now. He knew I would be there. Because he knows I go to these things, and because he has the 2 boys right now and they knew I was going. So angry, all my thoughts are *censored* right now.

There's no tour to do later, it's a new school that will open this fall. But I can contact the principal.

The thing is, he has always gone to these type things, too. He's always been a very involved father. And he hasn't cut back on the boy scout activities either.

Have you seen this? Important/Special Events in Plan B

You did the right thing!

I have, but I need to read it again. I had no idea he was planning to be there tonight. I didn't even realize he had gotten the information about the meeting. I didn't tell him. I realized after I walked in and saw him that they had his contact info as well.

You handled that perfectly.

Thanks. At first I thought I'd just sit on the other side of the room, in a low chair where we couldn't see each other, by the door, and leave a little early so he couldn't try to talk to me. But I realized pretty quickly it wouldn't work and took off. My 11yo, who hasn't seen or spoken to WH since thanksgiving, was incensed, asking DID YOU KNOW HE WAS GOING TO BE THERE??? She was really very glad to leave.

Of course, I burst into tears in the parking lot.

The more I think about it, I don't know if he wanted to see me. I think it was probably a power play - to make sure I know he's still the father. Does that make sense? Doesn't matter why, I don't need to expose myself to him.

This sounds like something my WH would do. He sat in wait for me several times this weekend and all the time when I lived in the same city. He would do special occasions for my DD too at preschool.

It doesn't matter his own convoluted reasoning--to talk to you, to make himself look like father of the year. It was good you just left!

How are you doing today jkwpurple?

What Plan B self-care do you have on the horizon?

Thanks for asking BrainHurts. That was a rough night for sure. I came home and pit essential oils in the diffuser I just bought myself and poured a stiff drink. I am feeling pretty good today. It's a relief to NOT be thinking about whether he's going to answer what I've asked or not, and what he's going to want to do about taxes (I decided that I don't care. I've got until April 15 to file, and even then I can file an extension. No big deal. Certainly not worth worrying about WH over right now.)

The dreams stopped the day I came on here and realized that I was letting him get to me. The lab test stuff worried me, I mean doctors don't personally call patients with normal results, but my sister helped me realize that just because it's not a normal result doesn't mean it's terrible. Could just mean he needs some medication or a follow up. And my worrying about it doesn't help anyone.

I am taking a college class online this semester, so I have something positive to use my brain for when I can't get it to turn off.

My 40th birthday and my sister's wedding are coming up in the next two months. I was feeling pretty bummed about my birthday, but I am trying to plan something for myself that will be fun and low key and involve lots of people who care about me. And planning a girls' day with my sister and both of our daughters for dress shopping for the wedding and some fun girly time. I expect the wedding to be rough. The plan was for us to spend the seeking of the wedding in a cabin near the venue. So I'll be doing that with just the kids.

For now, I am trying not to think about that too much. Trying to take it one day at a time.

I have a question. It seems WH is still under investigation at work, which is causing him some financial strain. He has let my IM know that he has even less hours this month than in the last couple, and will be giving me far less money next month. Now, a couple of things I'm keeping in mind - 1) he has said this several times without really acting on it and 2) he is paying the mortgage, utilities, credit card, medical bill (all the bills) before he gives me anything. The money he gives me is for food, clothes, kids' activities, gas, that kind of thing.

Would you worry about this? Take him to court for support? Wouldn't filing for divorce, even to get support, be counter to my goal? Go for food stamps?

If he is paying all the bills before giving you any money, I would apply for food stamps, he has a permanent address and he is paying for your home, you will get money for food and maybe even some cash, then whatever he does give you can go to gas, clothes and kids' activities. I think you will lose more if you file for child support, as that is only a percentage of his income and that would be all you get and you'd have to figure out how to pay for all bills including a place to live. Now,if he stops paying all the bills, then definitely I'd file for child support.

If you would get more money than he is giving you at this time, than I would file. He is living in lalaland and it might give him a touch of reality, what it will cost to support two households.

You may want to get info from a lawyer or social department to find out what your rights are and how much he would have to give you exactly.

Your goal of reconciliation is in your Plan B letter. Regardless if you have to file for divorce or not.

This is what I was thinking, too. That I'd be worse off if he stops paying the bills.

I've talked with a lawyer. She can't tell me exactly what/how much support I would get because so much is up to the judge's discretion. I talked with the human services office, and I can apply for aid without filing for D but I'll need a statement from WH saying how much he's giving me. I don't know if he would do it, or if he does he might just decide to stop giving me anything above the bill money if he knows I'm getting aid.

I know. I'm afraid if I file he'll assume ive changed my mind about that. He tends to do that - make assumptions and act on them without ever verifying that his assumption is correct.

You need to file for divorce so you can force him to support you legally. He is currently withholding support to punish you. It is not counter to file for divorce under these circumstances.

All you need to do is file, get orders in place for financial support and visitation and then DRAG the divorce out. I predict the affair will crumble well before the divorce is ever final.

And you can have the IM tell him, at the right time, that you do not want a divorce, but are filing to ensure financial support.

jw, you all may not be aware that your H believes that withholding financial support is the key to punishing you and getting you back in control. Your IM has an email that stipulates how he has purposely withheld money to teach you a lesson.

Currently, you are at his mercy and it is only a matter of time before he cuts you off entirely. You CANNOT depend on a wayward to be honorable. You need to file for divorce and get legal protection. He will continue to play these games until you do something else that annoys him and then he will cut you off entirely.