Since you are a SAHM, he can be ordered to pay the mortgage and other household bills. That is usually considered maintaining marital property while D is in progress. That would be in addition to child and spousal support. You should ask for the max. Don't feel bad for him or guilty. If he has to sleep on someone's couch...oh well. He made his bed.

Thanks ml. I didn't think about changing the money as a means if controlling me, but it is. It's all he's got since I'm not talking to him. I am worried that filing will get me less than I am getting now, but you're right about him getting annoyed and taking it out on me through withholding money. This is all so mind-boggling. I keep forgetting that this isn't my husband, it's an alien.

This happened to me. Once I moved, my WH stopped paying anything for DD. It is fine for now since I am living with my dad and getting unemployment, but when I can file for D (I have had to wait because there is a waiting period when moving counties), but I will file for CS right away. It is highly likely he will stop paying for things eventually.

I believe the choice is getting no money versus court ordered support. I see him headed that way. The judge is not going to just give you child support, but will force him to pay your bills also.

If I am not mistaken, this is a link to your state's D info:

http://www.courts.ca.gov/9050.htm

Click on the link for Form FL-300. Notice there is child support spousal support, and property control. Property control is where you ask for exclusive use of the marital home as well. I am pretty sure the request for him to pay the mortgage, car note, etc would be considered the lien. Utilities may fall in this area or be considered as spousal support. You should ask an attorney about a temporary order for support and him paying the bills to preserve your house while the D is in progress.

You can look through that site for a lot of info that may help answer some of your questions. Look under the Self Help Tab and go to Divorce and Separation. By filing, you also protect yourself from WH's spending. He could be racking up debt that you don't know about. As a community property state, you could be liable for this.

I had no idea - I'll talk to my lawyer about this. And no, I don't feel bad for him. He is the only one who can change the situation he has put himself in.

Not my state, but a lot to think about and look into for my state. Thank you. It's so hard to think outside of my emotions right now. I feel so fortunate to have found this forum when I did, and for you all giving so much time to help.

Sorry I got the state wrong but you're welcome. You should educate yourself about the process and law in your state so you are in "the know" vs solely relying on whatever your attorney tells you. Attorneys can suck and can be lazy so make sure he is working for you and your kiddos.

The lawyer I've been talking to is a friend of a friend (we actually have lots of mutual friends), and she has a baby the same age as mine. She is hopping mad on my behalf. But I do still need to do my own research.

So Tuesdays WH picks up the boys in the evening to spend the night. Then Wednesday mornings he comes and gets the baby and keeps them all until 2. An ice storm hit our area last night and got worse all day - now our governor has declared a state of emergency due to the road conditions. It's only supposed to get worse tomorrow. No way are my kids getting in a car. What do I do? I would hope WH has sense enough to realize this and choose not to try to come for them, but he doesn't seem to be using his common sense lately. He's always felt very confident driving in bad weather, but he never had a reason to take the kids out if the roads were bad. I don't know what he will do.

Tell your IM to let him know that the visit is canceled due to road conditions

I am trying so hard not to contact him. I am so anxious just thinking about canceling. I had really hoped he would just tell me he wasn't coming, but it's 4:00 now. He's supposed to be here at 5:30, so it's looking doubtful that will happen.

Just cancel instead of continuing your anxiety. There is no point dragging out the anxiety. Get it over with so you can stop thinking about it. If the road conditions have improved and it's ok to travel then he will have his visit but don't torture yourself. Take action and be done with it.

You're right.

Should I offer him another day when the weather improves? Or just see if he asks for it?

Don't offer another day. Just cancel. He can see them next week.

I wouldn't offer. He can ask.

Ok, I didn't offer. It's hard to fight my natural impulses. Thanks so much, blackraven, pigwig, and jediknight.

jw, I notice you do this ALOT. That is a very bad habit. You drag things out instead of handling them immediately and moving on. I would get into the habit of handling things immediately. The longer you drag things out, the more anxiety you feel.

That's an interesting observation and something I hadn't realized about myself.