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Ill be back in a few minutes with suggestions based on Dr. Harleys methods
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Are you willing to follow Dr. Harleys methods?
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I am willing to do whatever it takes to protect our children from the dangers of this situation, and be the best father I always should have been. If what I do saves my marriage, so much the better.
Me: 35
Her: 31
Together: 05/03/2002
Married: 10/14/2004
Children: D10,D8,S5
Bomb: 08/26/2014
Wife's Affair Ended 10/01/2015
Reconciliation, without commitment .... Yet
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I am willing to do whatever it takes to protect our children from the dangers of this situation, and be the best father I always should have been. If what I do saves my marriage, so much the better. Well to protect your kids you should have visited a lawyer a long time ago. Take a look at the email you almost sent. It says that you dont want your son to spend time with you. That doesn't look good to a judge does it?
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I know how that sounded. And I hated it, but I am not lying when I say I cannot accommodate him, it's not an excuse, and I would not say no - But it would be a hellish 3 days.
And I had no money for a lawyer. I went to about 14 of them over the course and I was able to get each to waive the consult fee. I was broke and that changed a bit recently and now I have one, but literally only as of last week.
My emotions killed me, I have no way to defend myself for that excuse.
Me: 35
Her: 31
Together: 05/03/2002
Married: 10/14/2004
Children: D10,D8,S5
Bomb: 08/26/2014
Wife's Affair Ended 10/01/2015
Reconciliation, without commitment .... Yet
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Posts: 11,239
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So you are renting a bedroom to live in?
If you get divorced the Children Services and Court wont allow you to keep kids overnight without adequate housing
Last edited by Jedi_Knight; 02/24/15 10:51 PM.
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I live with my mother in a two bedroom the living room is smaller than either room. I sleep on the floor I don't have a bed.
My wife plans to move out of our home. My plan is to squash the court order preventing me on the premises, and move back in. I have taken over the mortgage,and she has not paid it since I moved out.
My plan and the lawyer agrees is to move in and get custody so they can stay in the same schools with th same friend and prevent her relocating them as is her plan to move 15 miles south closer to OM.
Me: 35
Her: 31
Together: 05/03/2002
Married: 10/14/2004
Children: D10,D8,S5
Bomb: 08/26/2014
Wife's Affair Ended 10/01/2015
Reconciliation, without commitment .... Yet
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Posts: 278
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To be clear. I want my marriage to work. I know that I failed miserably when all this started. Excuse or not, I had to heal some before I was able to do anything else. I do not believe I am strong enough to try Plan A again.
And I am not worried about what she thinks and feels as far as mentioned in "Plan C: "It's what you do when you're afraid of WSs reaction."
If the situation arises where we must talk, in passing or attorney visit or court, of course I would be kind/cordial.
I would love to have an intermediary, I asked many people 2 months ago when that last situation happened - to prevent going through that again.
I am stronger now, and I am not afraid to do what I need to do by our children. And If I can save my marriage, I will do what it takes.
Me: 35
Her: 31
Together: 05/03/2002
Married: 10/14/2004
Children: D10,D8,S5
Bomb: 08/26/2014
Wife's Affair Ended 10/01/2015
Reconciliation, without commitment .... Yet
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I suggest you email Dr. Harley your update and ask how he feels you should proceed.
He typically likes to see the man do a long plan A.
However, Melody posts to you stated that she saw little chance of success with your serial cheating wife.
In that case, a full legAl assault makes more sense to me.
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I just spoke to the lawyer and we agree that filing for fault divorce is the best way to go. It scares the hell out of me, but there is the legal assault you mentioned. Also as the lawyer said, filing doesn't mean it has to happen.
Me: 35
Her: 31
Together: 05/03/2002
Married: 10/14/2004
Children: D10,D8,S5
Bomb: 08/26/2014
Wife's Affair Ended 10/01/2015
Reconciliation, without commitment .... Yet
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I think you have to attack this legally full throttle. You stated you want to protect and fight for your kids, i think you are doing the right thing at this point.
DO NOT GIVE UP ON THEM KIDS!!!
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DO NOT GIVE UP ON THEM KIDS!!! I never will.
Me: 35
Her: 31
Together: 05/03/2002
Married: 10/14/2004
Children: D10,D8,S5
Bomb: 08/26/2014
Wife's Affair Ended 10/01/2015
Reconciliation, without commitment .... Yet
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I just spoke to the lawyer and we agree that filing for fault divorce is the best way to go. It scares the hell out of me, but there is the legal assault you mentioned. Also as the lawyer said, filing doesn't mean it has to happen. If your state doesn't automatically issue a Standing Order which prevents your WW from moving the children to another school, etc., your attorney needs to file for Temporary Support, exclusive use of the home, and all the stuff that prevents her from moving the children, co-habitating with OM, etc. This should be done all at once and not piecemeal.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Posts: 278 |
If your state doesn't automatically issue a Standing Order which prevents your WW from moving the children to another school, etc., your attorney needs to file for Temporary Support, exclusive use of the home, and all the stuff that prevents her from moving the children, co-habitating with OM, etc. This should be done all at once and not piecemeal. That is the plan, at first I was only going to file cust/supp/visit, but he said that it is better in this case to file fault, then we can talk on every issue at once and not just the piecemeal.
Me: 35
Her: 31
Together: 05/03/2002
Married: 10/14/2004
Children: D10,D8,S5
Bomb: 08/26/2014
Wife's Affair Ended 10/01/2015
Reconciliation, without commitment .... Yet
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Posts: 278
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I asked the lawyer how I should reply to that email, and here was the reply:
Mark and I are working on a response to go to her directly from us.
Keep you posted,
--
I will get CC'd I'd imagine? And will you need her email address?
--
Yes, definitely will be copied on transmittal, and yes, I�d thought you�d left her email address in the threads, but I see now you�ve left it out.
Please provide so we can get her a message today.
Me: 35
Her: 31
Together: 05/03/2002
Married: 10/14/2004
Children: D10,D8,S5
Bomb: 08/26/2014
Wife's Affair Ended 10/01/2015
Reconciliation, without commitment .... Yet
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DO NOT GIVE UP ON THEM KIDS!!! I never will. Billman, I'm sorry to see it come this far this direction for you. I still hope and pray that things will change for you.
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Thank you. I still have hope. My daughter confirmed that the OM is going to NY with my wife and my two daughters. And they went I his place last night for dinner. He sees them more than I do. I forwarded this to the lawyer also.
But again I do still have hope.
Me: 35
Her: 31
Together: 05/03/2002
Married: 10/14/2004
Children: D10,D8,S5
Bomb: 08/26/2014
Wife's Affair Ended 10/01/2015
Reconciliation, without commitment .... Yet
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Posts: 11,239
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Posts: 11,239 |
Does the OM have a criminal history? Did you to conduct a full background check?
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I almost wished he did. The lawyer did and he's clean sadly.
Me: 35
Her: 31
Together: 05/03/2002
Married: 10/14/2004
Children: D10,D8,S5
Bomb: 08/26/2014
Wife's Affair Ended 10/01/2015
Reconciliation, without commitment .... Yet
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Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
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Posts: 11,239 |
Email Dr. Harley your update and ask for advice.
Tell him the lawyer is filing for divorce and you need to know if you should be in plan a OR b.
Give him the date you were on the radio show so he can remember your call and the status of the Restraining order.
Are you court ordered to pay the mortgage?
Personally I would have left her penniless and mailsd the house keys to the bank. You could have rented a place where you could house the kids but now you are paying for a place for your wife and boyfriend to live.
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