I'm sure you will not be surprised to find me here. If I thought there was any hope of saving this thing, I would post in SAA but obviously with my track record I can't expect much help. But I would still appreciate it if anyone is willing to spend their time. Especially if anyone thinks this can be saved or should. I doubt both, frankly. I just want to know how to handle what is going on now with the most dignity and respect that I can, and to make sure the health of the kids come first in this process.
Original thread 10/24/11 follow up thread 10/7/14 Crib Notes Version:
DDayoct 2011
Divorced August 2012
Never moved out (I lived in the garage)
after "dating" the cop a little bit she dated me
Remarried May 2013
Didn't stay consistent with EPs - reverted to SSL of porn / craigslist personals (no EA or PA's)
Went through maybe three cycles over the last year and a half.
Markos and Melody Lane were absolutely right (as usual) in my follow-up post. I didn't do what it took. I'm not sure if Amy was supposed to be doing anything on her end but she certainly hated me for trying to do EPs and wasn't interested in learning anything or working on anything. (I found out recently that her password on the desktop computer since last year was "Crazyboy14" because she had such contempt that I needed to have a password on the computer.)
We (I) had actually been doing much better over oct/nov/dec/jan - and we had decided to get my vasectomy reversed and trust God with the size of our family. So I went on 1/18 to get my vasectomy reversed in Oklahoma. And while on travel there, alone, with a computer, I looked at craigslist personals. Anyway, I understand our (my) mistake was to violate the EPs about travel and computers and that it wouldn't have happened if I had been diligent on my EPs. I also watched porn a couple of times after I got back, but told her about it.
Amy discovered the craigslist thing around feb 6th or 7th and I tried to lie about it. I still don't know why I tried to lie about it. It was so stupid and she would have gotten over my stupidity but things were going so great... Ugh. This was the last straw for her, though. She decided over the next few days that it will never change and she doesn't want to live with it. That she would file for divorce asap.
She spent the next week texting Chris, the cop with the huge thingy, but that didn't really go anywhere. Monday night the 16th she went over to his house, got drunk off whiskey (she never drinks whiskey) got naked ***EDIT*** She wanted to screw him out of anger but she couldn't, and admitted to me that it was because she's only been with me and couldn't do it.
The next day she started texting the nice guy in her Surgical Tech class, John. The one that is so nice that she tried to hook him up with her best friend for 3 months prior to this. He is a divorced single dad of 2 boys living in his mom's basement while he goes to the class they are both in.
Up until then, we were still communicating like a married couple, albeit not happy but she would still text me about life, the kids, send me pics, et cetera. That stopped almost immediately when she started texting him.
They texted all hours and she started going out to see him that week at night. We filed the dissolution on 26 Feb. I basically did everything with the kids the last 2 weeks, except for the 2 or 3 nights I was in class. She spent every minute she could with him. She got home at 5 in the morning and slept through church the last 2 weeks. The kids ask me things like "Why is mommy spending so much time out with her friends?" She wasn't home when the 3 yr old went in to sleep with her in the middle of the night like she does every night. I do 90% of the cooking, cleaning, all the laundry, et cetera. Saturday the 28th I hear that he has told her he loves her, and as she tells her mom this she chokes up over how happy it makes her.
Saturday the 28th she insists we tell the kids we're getting divorced. We tell the kids.
Sunday the 29th I find out from my oldest daughter that she had planned to have the kids meet John at the park that afternoon. But then "they" decided it was too soon. The day after telling them we're getting divorced.
Thursday march 5th they spend their day off in Santa Barbara. The kids asked her that night if she was with John and she said yes.
I meet her at our daughter's art show to take the kids home for the night and on the way home have the following conversation with my 6 year old:
Kate: where's mommy?
Me: she went out.
Kate: with JOHN??
Me: yes.
Kate: I have a big feeling mommy's gonna marry john.
(20 seconds of silence while my insides twist into knots)
Me: how do you feel about that?
Kate: I want to meet him. To see what his attitude is. To see if he's nice.
Me: mommy wouldn't be with him if he wasn't nice. I'm sure he's nice.
Friday March 6th she leaves me with the kids all day/night for her first overnight. After seeing the contents of the car the next day, they seem to have spent the night somewhere in my car at a beach or campground or somewhere.
Saturday March 7th she decides to introduce the kids to him. They go to the dog park and hiking. All my kids think he's really great and nice and funny and calm.
So now that she has introduced them she can talk about him freely with the kids and does. She tells them what John said he liked about each of them. this makes the kids feel awesome. The 6 year old is super excited to talk to him on the phone sunday night and is very excited that mommy has kissed john.
Finally, this morning she leaves her phone on the dresser while I'm getting the kids ready for school and I glance over and read one text of hers. It says: "I already feel trashy from the car sex I don't think dumpster (or maybe it said back alley) sex is a good idea"
So she has already had sex with him. Probably Friday night in my car.
She called me on the way to work all worried I was going to tell the kids and was talking all about how she's probably going to marry him and she doesn't want me to turn the kids against him and make blending their families any harder. She wants to all be friendly and have holidays together and stuff. She was going on and on about how she doesn't want to ruin their relationship with John et cetera and I just stopped her and said "Amy you didn't dime me out to the kids when I committed real, no kidding, hurtful adultery. I'm not going to dime you out for committing technical adultery. I decided about ten minutes after I found out that I wouldn't tell the kids."
Wow a lot can happen in one month. I may have set a record here.
So - anyone's thoughts on how to get through the next 6 months until we sell our house and go our separate ways?