I'm sure you will not be surprised to find me here. If I thought there was any hope of saving this thing, I would post in SAA but obviously with my track record I can't expect much help. But I would still appreciate it if anyone is willing to spend their time. Especially if anyone thinks this can be saved or should. I doubt both, frankly. I just want to know how to handle what is going on now with the most dignity and respect that I can, and to make sure the health of the kids come first in this process.

Original thread 10/24/11

follow up thread 10/7/14

Crib Notes Version:
DDayoct 2011
Divorced August 2012
Never moved out (I lived in the garage)
after "dating" the cop a little bit she dated me
Remarried May 2013
Didn't stay consistent with EPs - reverted to SSL of porn / craigslist personals (no EA or PA's)
Went through maybe three cycles over the last year and a half.

Markos and Melody Lane were absolutely right (as usual) in my follow-up post. I didn't do what it took. I'm not sure if Amy was supposed to be doing anything on her end but she certainly hated me for trying to do EPs and wasn't interested in learning anything or working on anything. (I found out recently that her password on the desktop computer since last year was "Crazyboy14" because she had such contempt that I needed to have a password on the computer.)

We (I) had actually been doing much better over oct/nov/dec/jan - and we had decided to get my vasectomy reversed and trust God with the size of our family. So I went on 1/18 to get my vasectomy reversed in Oklahoma. And while on travel there, alone, with a computer, I looked at craigslist personals. Anyway, I understand our (my) mistake was to violate the EPs about travel and computers and that it wouldn't have happened if I had been diligent on my EPs. I also watched porn a couple of times after I got back, but told her about it.

Amy discovered the craigslist thing around feb 6th or 7th and I tried to lie about it. I still don't know why I tried to lie about it. It was so stupid and she would have gotten over my stupidity but things were going so great... Ugh. This was the last straw for her, though. She decided over the next few days that it will never change and she doesn't want to live with it. That she would file for divorce asap.

She spent the next week texting Chris, the cop with the huge thingy, but that didn't really go anywhere. Monday night the 16th she went over to his house, got drunk off whiskey (she never drinks whiskey) got naked ***EDIT*** She wanted to screw him out of anger but she couldn't, and admitted to me that it was because she's only been with me and couldn't do it.

The next day she started texting the nice guy in her Surgical Tech class, John. The one that is so nice that she tried to hook him up with her best friend for 3 months prior to this. He is a divorced single dad of 2 boys living in his mom's basement while he goes to the class they are both in.

Up until then, we were still communicating like a married couple, albeit not happy but she would still text me about life, the kids, send me pics, et cetera. That stopped almost immediately when she started texting him.

They texted all hours and she started going out to see him that week at night. We filed the dissolution on 26 Feb. I basically did everything with the kids the last 2 weeks, except for the 2 or 3 nights I was in class. She spent every minute she could with him. She got home at 5 in the morning and slept through church the last 2 weeks. The kids ask me things like "Why is mommy spending so much time out with her friends?" She wasn't home when the 3 yr old went in to sleep with her in the middle of the night like she does every night. I do 90% of the cooking, cleaning, all the laundry, et cetera. Saturday the 28th I hear that he has told her he loves her, and as she tells her mom this she chokes up over how happy it makes her.

Saturday the 28th she insists we tell the kids we're getting divorced. We tell the kids.

Sunday the 29th I find out from my oldest daughter that she had planned to have the kids meet John at the park that afternoon. But then "they" decided it was too soon. The day after telling them we're getting divorced.

Thursday march 5th they spend their day off in Santa Barbara. The kids asked her that night if she was with John and she said yes.

I meet her at our daughter's art show to take the kids home for the night and on the way home have the following conversation with my 6 year old:

Kate: where's mommy?
Me: she went out.
Kate: with JOHN??
Me: yes.
Kate: I have a big feeling mommy's gonna marry john.
(20 seconds of silence while my insides twist into knots)
Me: how do you feel about that?
Kate: I want to meet him. To see what his attitude is. To see if he's nice.
Me: mommy wouldn't be with him if he wasn't nice. I'm sure he's nice.

Friday March 6th she leaves me with the kids all day/night for her first overnight. After seeing the contents of the car the next day, they seem to have spent the night somewhere in my car at a beach or campground or somewhere.

Saturday March 7th she decides to introduce the kids to him. They go to the dog park and hiking. All my kids think he's really great and nice and funny and calm.

So now that she has introduced them she can talk about him freely with the kids and does. She tells them what John said he liked about each of them. this makes the kids feel awesome. The 6 year old is super excited to talk to him on the phone sunday night and is very excited that mommy has kissed john.

Finally, this morning she leaves her phone on the dresser while I'm getting the kids ready for school and I glance over and read one text of hers. It says: "I already feel trashy from the car sex I don't think dumpster (or maybe it said back alley) sex is a good idea"

So she has already had sex with him. Probably Friday night in my car.

She called me on the way to work all worried I was going to tell the kids and was talking all about how she's probably going to marry him and she doesn't want me to turn the kids against him and make blending their families any harder. She wants to all be friendly and have holidays together and stuff. She was going on and on about how she doesn't want to ruin their relationship with John et cetera and I just stopped her and said "Amy you didn't dime me out to the kids when I committed real, no kidding, hurtful adultery. I'm not going to dime you out for committing technical adultery. I decided about ten minutes after I found out that I wouldn't tell the kids."

Wow a lot can happen in one month. I may have set a record here.

So - anyone's thoughts on how to get through the next 6 months until we sell our house and go our separate ways?

I love the way you started out describing how you violated EPs and were trolling for sluts on Craigslist and then proceed to cite a whole laundry list of your wife's sins, portraying yourself as a victim. You are very different from the usual wayward in that your affairs are not accidents. You are actively trolling for action. That makes you a dangerous man.

Anyway, I have nothing more to say about this other than I do hope you get divorced and do it quickly. But I won't waste my time posting to someone who is not serious.

And how to get through the next 6 months? Move out.

MelodyLane, I am not saying I am the victim. At least not the only victim. We're all victims here. Amy sees no sins in what she's doing because she has filed. I think it is really really soon to be replacing me with somebody else with our kids.

I was trying to get input as to how to handle what she is doing? I don't know. There's a lot of people on here and I'd like to know if what she's doing seems reasonable?

Unfortunately, we can not afford to live separately until august when she graduates and we are able to sell our house. Not that I would move out. I'm handling almost everything with the kids. I guess you missed that part.

So you came here to throw your wife under the bus and get us to beat up on her after you destroyed your marriage. So yes, you are playing the victim. But you are no victim and you won't get our help in your effort to throw your wife under the bus.

It doesn't matter if we think your wife is "reasonable."

You're a smart guy, so I am sure you can figure out a way to move out.

You have been trolling for skanks on Craigslist for years and that has never stopped. Your wife has every right to end this horrible, sickening marriage. Why not move out and leave her alone?

x10000.

You are a real con artist. You think we are going to fall for this?

This is not your first time posting here to try to get help after your W discovers you have continued with your cheating ways.

As I told you before, it is truly DISGUSTING that you would try to get the help of BSs when you had ZERO intention of protecting your W from this cruel behavior.

Disgusting.

How convenient that your wife is acting up so you can ignore your own hand in the destruction of your marriage. She wants a divorce. If you had any decency you would move the hell out and let her get on with her life. I know why you are "waiting 6 months." You are hoping it turns out like it did the last time and she changes her mind.

**THUD**

Welcome to divorce. You have NO say in what your W does unless it is putting your children's safety at risk (exposure to drugs, etc).

Your W has already divorced you once before for this behavior and yet....you continued, knowing full well the consequence.

We all see what you are doing and it's not going to work. I hope your W doesn't fall for this, again.

I think I am going to be sick.

Your kids have two role models that are teaching them that lying and adultery are what marriage is all about! You should be worried more about the lessons you are teaching your kids, than who your wife is shagging in your car.

Good grief what a mess.

But no, you don't want to 'dime her out' by telling your kids the truth about either of you. I don't even know what that means, it is like some sick twisted pact of 'you lie for me and I'll lie for you.' Sad.

Please note how Shlag minimized his actions as merely "didn't stay consistent with EP's" and then proceeds to write paragraphs about his wife. He is doing the same things that led to his divorce and have plagued his marriage for YEARS. He is not in the least serious. But what disturbs me is that wants to focus on his WIFE after he has destroyed his marriage over and over again. He should never get another chance to wreck her life. Divorce is the definition of success here.

Yeah don't worry, MelodyLane. I won't get another chance.

I apologize for minimizing my actions - they are explained in the previous threads. I was just trying to relay what is happening now since my last lie.

I feel ill that I couldn't get my crap together and destroyed my family. I promise you.

I will do Amy's will for the next 6 months, leave her alone, fulfill my duties to God as a husband until the day I am not, be there for the kids, and support her in any way I can.


Good point. That's about all I can focus on.

Thanks.

No there's no hope of that. We don't go over 2 years of residency for capital gains on the house until august 6th. We cannot afford to live separately until she graduates in August as well. And with her in school, I would be at our house all the time anyway. She has told me that her decision would be the same even if john dropped dead tomorrow. I believe her. I have no hope of saving this. I do have hope of being friends as does she. We will probably be much better friends than we were spouses.

So how do I fix myself?

How do I enter into another relationship someday without screwing up someone else's life?

Start doing the stuff that Marriage Builders says to do. You could have done this all along. You are not broken.

Stop doing stupid stuff.

And start listening to the radio show every day. Make it a priority.

(I'm surprised I beat markos to the punch on this advice. After all it's in his signature).

Did you even read my post on your last thread?

Why do you ask this question over and over again when the answer has already been given to you? I told you exactly what to do. You didn't do it. You could do it now. You're not broken.

No, I posted it to him on his last thread the last time he showed up. Does that mean I beat you to it?