Thanks, ML

He filed. I got notification today of a a certified letter and a also a letter from a skeezy law office offering to represent me in my divorce.

So he read my letter knowing he had already put everything in motion and I had not been notified yet.

Should I tell my kids about the legal stuff going on?

On what grounds?!



Yeah keep them informed of everything. Tell them what you told him - you'd rather withdraw it but can't.

Irreconcilable differences I would guess. I haven't seen the complaint. Have to get it from the post office tomorrow. I'm not even sure I want to read it. My lawyer contacted his and got it sent to her so she can tweak my complaint to be an answer to his.

Why would you pick up the letter? Is it considered properly served just by certified mail in your state? Verify with your attorney.

Yes

Don't you need personal service in your state? If you do, try to avoid service and get him served instead.

Indiegirl--you don't actually need grounds anymore in the US in most places. In CA, I can't even put anything in the record about his affair. Conduct totally doesn't matter.

We were going to serve him via certified mail.

I'm sorry jk, I know that hurts. Just keep on working your plan and getting the help you need for yourself and your kids. You still have a right to financial support, and you have a lawyer to help you get it. Don't be intimidated by him filing the paperwork. You've exposed so there is documentation of his actions, and it cannot be just seen as retaliation for him filing first.

This is true in Indiana as well. What a moral shame huh? I say the Scarlet Letter is the way to go for adulterers. Since body art is all the rage these days the courts should be required to make cheaters tattoo a big A on their forehead. But that would cut into the revenue generated from court fees huh? Just throw morality out the window why don't we.

Alright I'll step off my soapbox now.

Then just use whatever rocks you do have to throw as hard as you can.

Legal beagles, can adulterers use the no grounds grounds?

Yes

All states offer some version of a no-fault divorce. Even in fault states, D can be filed w/o citing fault if the person doesn't want to bring it up.

http://info.legalzoom.com/states-nofault-divorce-states-20400.html

"Beneath the no-fault umbrella, states use various terms to identify the grounds. In New Jersey and California, a no-fault divorce is based on irreconcilable differences, and in New Jersey, you can�t file for divorce until you�ve been of the opinion that you and your spouse can�t reconcile for at least six months. In Florida, a no-fault divorce is the irretrievable breakdown of the marriage."

None of these 'no fault' causes seem designed to allow someone to pursue their own adultery...

I wonder if it's practical for anyone to try and make the point that the marriage is fine, perfectly reconcilable, the affair is causing the divorce.

Did I miss something? All these posts are confusing me because she already filed on grounds of adultery and abandonment. That was a long discussion a couple of pages back.

He beat her to it, I think.

Found this legal article which said that even in California, adultery has consequences.

"In a "no fault" state, marital infidelity is irrelevant to obtaining a divorce or to the division of property.

SO WHERE MIGHT "ADULTEROUS BEHAVIOR" COME INTO PLAY IN FAMILY LAW?

Misappropriation: During marriage each spouse is charged with the duty to manage marital assets (including income) in a way which hopefully benefits, and, at a minimum, does not harm, the family. If one spouse takes money away from the family for a purpose contrary to the family, that is called a misappropriation. Spending community money on a girlfriend or boyfriend, especially expensive gifts, paying for rent or mortgage, or vacations can be deemed a misappropriation for which the "injured" party is entitled to reimbursement for one half of the funds spent, possibly with interest, from the date of the misappropriation.

Interspousal tort. Under non-criminal law, an intentional, unlawful and harmful or offensive contact by one person with the person of another may be considered "battery", for which damages (money) may be assessed. Should an extramarital affair result in the offending party contracting, and giving to the "innocent" party a sexually transmitted disease, that may constitute civil "battery". Such an action might need to be prosecuted in a separate civil action apart from the divorce case, but the two cases can be consolidated upon appropriate motion to the court.

Supported Spouse. Where one spouse is paying spousal support to the other, if the supported spouse thereafter "cohabits" with a member of the opposite sex, there is a rebuttable presumption that the supported person has a decreased need for spousal support. The supported spouse then has the burden of proving continued need. This does NOT, however, affect child support. cohabitation has been defined in cases over the years as being something more than roommates, probably requiring romantic involvement, but not necessarily sexual relations. The income of the new boyfriend or girlfriend or even a new spouse of the payor is irrelevant"

Those are some nifty rules I wouldn't mind having here. The UK is fault, but you can't get anything done about it.

Florida uses it to divide property too.

She didn't file...or at least he wasn't ever served.

Legal websites and attorneys can say all sorts of things and usually do. A person needs to look at the specific divorce code of his/her state to see the exact language of the law. Some people never bother to read the law...which I don't get.

She already made the decision to file on grounds of adultery and abandonment so would countersue those grounds. Don't understand what all this discussion is about when it has been decided.