His mom is wonderful. His father left the family when fiance was 21 for another woman. Needless to say that woman (whom he still lives with) will not be invited to the wedding,

He still needs to know. He will be forever confused and always in the dark for the real reason for the D.

I do not have a crystal ball, but they have done such things before. The stress of this has been quite awful. I love them and want peace, but I do not want peace at any cost. My family is somewhat famous any very much into appearances and how things "look".

I know. I am sitting here with tears in my eyes over this.

Well your sister needs to take responsibility for her actions and you're just helping her out.

jersey, I am appalled that you have to weigh whether or not to be honest, based on your family's anger if you are, indeed, honest. I guess I'm more militant; I think that, if they have a problem with honesty, they need to examine their own morals.

And kudos to you for growing up honest and straightforward in a family that enables poor behavior.

Regarding your original question, i would say yes.
I sit in AlAnon meetings and hear all kinds of bizarre reasons for "keeping secrets".
The secrets are other peoples self destructive behaviors but covering up such behaviors is ENABLING.

There can be 1000 reasons why your dad wants to keep family secrets;
But you are entitled to make your own moral decisions.

You do what you know is right. The people who truly belong in your life will support you.

Hi, just wanted to post an update and a question. I did end up exposing my sister and, as predicted, the pushback was absolutely vicious from both her and my family. I actually had a significant falling out with my mom and dad (esp. mom), although they have gradually come around to at least accepting my reasoning. Sadly, however, I believe there is still resentment against me for "butting in", "meddling", and "airing the dirty laundry", as they would put it. Honestly I am past caring about that, because I know I did the right thing. Unfortunately, my sister's husband suffers from full-on, early-onset dementia and now has no recollection of anything that happened. But perhaps that's for the best. She still has no interest in reconciling with him or in taking care of him in his illness, as a spouse ought to, which leads me to my question:
My fianc� and I really have very little interest in spending time with an unrepentant adulterer and someone who has constructively abandoned her spouse during a catastrophic illness. My fianc� especially is adamant about not wanting to spend any time with her, and according to POJA, which I believe in, I would never ask him to or expect him to. However, if I 'hate the sin but love the sinner' OUGHT I to be open to having some kind relationship with her? She has made it clear that she did not and still does not appreciate my "heavy-handed" and "judgmental" tactics, so I feel that I have done all I can in that regard. Christ says to confront someone no more than two times, after which you essentially leave someone to the natural consequences of their actions. In this case, part of those consequences would be losing a relationship with her sister. But what is my Christian duty now? Do I simply wash my hands of her? How have others dealt with unrepentant adulterers in their families? I am really struggling with this. But I just don't see how I could have any kind of real relationship with her, given how she has shut me out FROM THAT ASPECT OF HER LIFE. She has made overtures to basically "let bygones be bygones" (for example, she wanted to throw me a birthday party recently), but still will not discuss the situation with her husband with me, nor will she apologize for lying about me, railing against me, and calling me judgmental.
Thank you again for all the input previously. This site has been a treasure of wonderful information and kind, helpful people.

I'd cut her loose and tell her to look you up when she stops cheating.

You'll feel tonnes lighter.

PoJA makes for wise moves!

So it's interesting to me, Kiwi, that your fiance has such strong feelings about your sister. You practice the poja too? It looks like you've been engaged for 3 years or more. Just curious why you haven't married?

The Bible tells us clearly to not associate with works of darkness. Your Christian duty is to expose evil [which you did] and do not associate with people who practice darkness.

How come?

Yea. I think it's because he himself was a victim of infidelity (his dad leaving his mom) so he has very strong feelings about it. He tends to have very definitive feelings about most things, which I love.

We actually have a date set for next fall. We're very excited about it!

He was a victim of his own dad's waywardness, so he has pretty strong feelings about infidelity (he hates it). Which I understand and fully agree with. Also he cares a lot about my brother in law and feels that he has been dealt a terrible hand by my sister. Which he has.

Obviously he feels strongly about fidelity, which is good, and yet he's not married. There's not enough information here to know why, but I wondered if any of this has something to do with why they haven't tied the knot?

Thank you Indiegirl. I don't think she's cheating anymore, but it doesn't really matter because she is still defending what she did - minimizing it, placing the blame on BIL, etc. Still in the wayward mindset, which is revolting to me.

Kiwi, my question was to Didn'tQuit. I was curious why she found that interesting. It seems like quite a normal reaction to me.

His feelings reflect a normal person, though. Most people have strong feelings about adultery.

No nothing to do with that at all. He was diagnosed with a chronic life altering illness that really threw him for a loop. He's been gradually learning to manage the illness, and getting back to working again. We both agreed that we would definitely get married, it was just a matter of when and how. One major life change at a time.