I see what Prisca is saying about cuting off contact. I can minimize contract by traveling with her, being there for her to talk to each night, monitoring the phone logs.. but I don't know how to cut it off completely. I would think that this would die out... how can her EM's be met long term with such little contact? I think that I am still the one that she has the oportunity to talk with the most.

My advantage is that I am there for her every day.

My disadvantage is that all the real world problems in life with kids, money, chores, being tired,responsibility etc.. gets associated and blamed on me.

"Minimizing" contact is a useless endeavor and indicates you don't understand what you are dealing with. Would it help if a heroin addict "minimized" his heroin use? I assure you it would not because the addiction would be chronically triggered.

You need to strive to kill her affair if you want this to move forward. Your complacence reflects a lack of caring that she won't soon forget if she ever comes out of the fog.

"
My disadvantage is that all the real world problems in life with kids, money, chores, being tired,responsibility etc.. gets associated and blamed on me."

That is not a disadvantage at all unless you are competing with a fantasy, as you are. The solution is to burst the fantasy.

I think that one thing I can do is to talk to the OM and ask him to stay away. He has never been married and doesn't understand what marriage is all about. He is a lifelong friend and I don't see why he would want to ruin her life.

My biggest fear is that that she will take my kids and leave... they are the number one reason why I would fight for her. I also continue to be miserable due to her emotional and verbal abuse and I just want it to end.

Did anyone confront her about the affair? How old are your children? Have you confronted OM?

Where are your children when you are traveling with her? How often are these trips?


You said the affair started several months ago so that right there shows your thinking is flawed that it will die out quickly. OPs can be the biggest losers on the planet (even criminals and/or druggies) and a WS will still carry on with them.

Don't ask him. TELL HIM to leave your wife and family alone or its war.

You need to expose to his family and friends immediately.
Also post him on www.playerblock.com

The trips are about 2ce /year and my oldest is 7.

What makes her suspect that you have had affairs? Do you have opposite sex friends? Do you spend the night away from home?

Generally people do not accuse this out of the blue, they do so because there are circumstances in the relationship that cause them to feel threatened and unprotected. Your attitude that she cannot provide you 'evidence' of this is not a great attitude to have, you should be more concerned that your wife feels threatened and unprotected.

I exposed the affiar to my family but she has not been confronted. A confrentation would be devistating to her. I struggle because with such limited contact, I cannot be 100% sure or even 50% sure she is addicted to this. How can a drug addict be addicted if they only get a very small dose and it's once or twice a month? I'm not saying that this shouldn't end completely, it should.. but how do I unleash the bomb if I'm not 100% sure? How do I know this is not a mid-life crisis? A transference of anger from her childhood onto me? or anything else? How can I find out for sure if this is really the problem?

You need to expose the affair far and wide and EXPOSE to her affair partners family and friends.

Then what's the point of exposure? She wouldn't be devastated. She would be pissed off AT YOU. You are the typical conflict avoider. WW is not having a midlife crisis...people of all ages can cheat, be thoughtless, angry etc.

Look, if you want to keep walking on eggshells because you are afraid of your wife that is certainly your choice but more of her anger is what you are signing up for and it certainly isn't healthy for your children to see this dynamic in their home.

x 2

Is there more to this?

With regard to her accusing me of an affair...

I have offered for her to see my bank records, email, text, etc.. anything that she wants. She quickly drops it. The reason is that she probably doesn't want me looking at her stuff.

She should be suspicious of me having an affair because she doesn't meet my EN's and I leave the home for work each day while she is at home. I have more opportunity. The truth is that there is no evidence of it and she is not interested in me being more transparent.

She does seem to not want to allow me talk to any other women even though I do not have friends of the opposite sex. I am home every single night and I get home as quickly as possible to spend time with my family.

Her stupid friend told her to accuse me of an affair. That�s all their is to it. It's just a smoke screen for her.. or her mind has convinced her of an alternate reality.

But you are not fighting for her. You are allowing an OM to wreck your marriage. Sitting around doing nothing is not fighting, it is rolling over. Unless you run this man off, this is a hopeless situation.

She accuses you of the affair to throw you off balance.

My wife is at home with the kids...
I make the money, I support the family, and she depends on me for more than she would ever admit. She might have felt lack of control or power.. or if I did leave her she would not be taken care of... this might be why she is so abusive now. This gives her control. I went into plan A to try to win her back.. which further puts her in control because she knows I love her and will fight for her so she is in a prime position to be as abusive as she wants. I never had an affair nor gave her any reason to suspect one. This doesn't mean that she is not afraid though or felt powerless.

I believe this is correct

This is a waste of time to even consider.
You need to focus on exposure

Sir, you need to read the EXPOSURE 101 thread and expose it far and wide tomorrow.
Can you do that to kill this affair?

Given all you have written you are in a good position to break up this affair and you are too afraid to nuke it. That OM lives 1000s of miles away and can't even take care of himself are big things going in your favor. Your wife can't just take off with your kids unless you let her and do nothing. Where would she go if she left the house? Does she have family nearby? Have you exposed to her family and not just yours?

Also, did you tell your family and church that she is having an EA with this guy or did you minimize it?