By the way.. I know my wife very well. When it comes to our relationship, she has only acted out of emotion.. never logic. The fact that she stands the risk of losing her house, children, family, and financial support means nothing to her because she feels that she is "angry" about something. She never, never, never appologizes for anything in our years and years of marriage. I always reach out to her after every single fight. I had gotten used to living with her this way.. and I always loved her anyway. She has completely gone off the deep end... The idea that a rational person would at least try to pull a marriage back together after a minor emotional affair is completely lost on her. I love her.. but, there is something seriously wrong with her.

I am really shocked that you would agree for her to see her boyfriend much less go with her. This reflects an extreme amount of enabling and capitulation. I can why your wife is so hostile. You don't seem to give a damn about your marriage.

Can you explain why in the world you would agree to go with her to see her boyfriend? I find that shocking in its complacence.


Really? I would like to see this happen. Additionally, I would like to seee a more caring, proactive approach to your marriage. What do you do when your wife says she is going off to hang out in bars with losers?

She is NOT a rational person. She is an addict.

It honesty doesn't matter who she used to be. Read the other threads. The other WWs spitting and hissing are exactly the same.

One WW had her husband committed, told him she hated him - he just shrugged it off. She told him she'd never forgive exposure and it humiliated her. Shrugged it off. She joined the OM in getting a restraining order against her husband. But the BH kept chasing him off.

Weeks later she fell into his arms and said she was so glad he'd never given up on her. OMs life was made so difficult he'd dumped her but her husband had persevered for her.

X2 very uncaring.

Right, while the other WWs did it because it would be good for their finances, marriage and reputation.

Good gravy man, she's nothing special.

And there is also something very wrong with your approach. Rather than help your marriage recover, you have offered her "forgiveness" even though she has never ended her affair. Check this out:

Check this out:

and this:

here

My wife told me that she was going. I do not have a choice. She said that I could go or stay home and that was my only choice. She made the bet that I would not go and she was shocked and angry that I went but I did.

What else can I do? Can I tell another adult what they can and cannot do? I thought that being by her side was the best approach to stand up for our marriage.. and at the same time avoiding any kind of fight with the OM.

You need to stop being so timid.

Why didn't your exposure targets come around and ask her if she could explain why she was flying off to see her boyfriend? Why wasn't she informed that you would do exactly nothing to help her see him? Why isn't OM in fear of legal action and public exposure? Why wasn't the party organizer or guests exposed to?



I'm just trying to imagine being told by my spouse that we are flying off to see the bit on the side... I can't.

It's only men who seem to fall for this 'you're being controlling' nonsense. Women sort it out.

With some heroic Plan A exceptions.

I could never be married to a man who would stand by the side of a decision to see my boyfriend!

This is what happens when the wayward drives the bus.

I would have exposed her affair wide and far and made a major fuss about it. Going with her just smacks of enabling. I am unclear on how it was standing for your marriage by standing next to your wife and her boyfriend?

Like we have told you many, many times on this thread, if you want to turn this around, you need to expose her affair and run this guy off. It sounds like you have many other problems but that would be a great first step.

Have you ever confronted him about his affair with your wife?

I need to know how to tell my wife that she can't go. Legally, what can I do? We are usually going to also see her family.. so it's not a trip purely to visit the OM. We just happen to be in the same town and she says "I'm going out tonight" I would love it if there is some way to forbid her from going and seeing her friends whom are toxic.. how do I do that? This is why I am on the forum.

No.. I'm happy to confront him and I think there is a good chance I could run him off for a while. At a bar with alcohol involved is not the right time or place for this confrontation, but I would be happy to do it. I have his phone number.. and I'd like to find his address too. Can I take legal action? That is only a possibility in some states I believe.

I'd very much recommend full on snooping. You'd also get lots of dirt on the enabling friends.

Can you read the exposure thread in Melody Lanes signature? You need supportive exposure targets to help you drive home to her how skanky her behaviour is.

You can also expose OM to family, friends, and expose him online so his name is trashed in a Google search. Completely legal to tell the truth.

You should see what your legal options are with your local laws, ie restraining orders, alienation of affection, being named in any divorce he contributed to.

Who is this guy? Is he married, what's his line of work?

Here's a thread about confronting OM.

Good ways are confronting him publicly, at his workplace. Or calling him up to tell him you care about your wife and he is not welcome to contact her. OM are pansies so the hardest part will be not laughing as he wets himself.

You tell him he will never be accepted by the family and you will do everything in your power to keep her safe. Recording the discussion or having a friend along as witness is a good idea. Or to hold you back!


http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/u...in=170321&Number=2791622#Post2791622

Not married, self employed.. it's hard to make a good legal case because they have barely talked in months.. and all I do have is a couple weeks worth of texts with an "I love you", "I'm always there for you", "I miss you".. that sort of thing.. after that, the communications were all just normal.. Hi.. how are ya.. kind of stuff. This is a wishy-washy affair and hard to substantiate that it is an on going problem.. That makes the exposure so difficult. When I show people what I do have, there is no argument that it was inappropriate but that part of it seems to have completely stopped.

I think that the main issue that my wife possibly had was that if I cut her off from this individual, I would be cutting her off from other friends as well.

How do I step up the plan A so that she will want this relationship and all this other nonesense with the friends will not mean so much to her... ?

Typical wayward wife. Nothing new or surprising there. ANY BH could've written that.

If you confront the OM in person, buy a VAR and wear it. It wouldn't be a huge surprise for him to try to say you assaulted him/threatened to hurt him and the VAR will exonerate you in a circumstance like that.

First off, you have to snoop to find something. As you said earlier, your wife told you to stop and you pretty much do what she dictates.

Secondly, just because lovers have "normal" communications [what does that mean??] does not mean the affair is over. Any contact at all is a resumption of the affair. That would be like an alcoholic changing the name of his drinks to "business drinks" and pretending to be sober. Your wife and her boyfriend can't go back and be "friends" because their feelings have surpassed the romantic love threshold. So every time they communicate, those feelings are rekindled.

You really need to do some sleuthing and find out what is happening, because she very likely has other means of contact since you TOLD HER YOU WERE SNOOPING.

I see a lot of denial here..

We told you. Expose the affair and run this man off. I would also do everything in your power to run off these toxic friends.