(said before lying on a poly - okey dokey)

Yes understood.

I am very guilty.

Reading others posts and taking Markos advice.
I fully confessed to my wife new information today to the rock bottom. As I heard my daughter crying today on the phone at 1151 today and added self motivation to change, caused me to give it all up. She begged me to come home and was crying. This made me think of my wife and how much she is dealing with right now. The rock bottom is how much I regard I held for my lies and not the most important people in my life's feelings,emotions,future. Talked to one of my closest friends (he already knew from his wife) about it today.

Wrote an email to the Harley's with an apology.

I am a liar and a serial cheater. I have cheated on my wife and have gone online to look at other women. Reason I am exposing myself to you all is for help in accountablity. The serial cheating was years ago in the fog of my first affair and before.

Stopped behavior and will document the progress by posting nightly and ask questions to ensure I document my weaknesses. Also I will be filling out worksheets as I apply these principles to win my wife's love back. Recovery starts today 24 April 2015.

All, I deeply apologize...Reading my post this morning the "serial cheating" statement being years ago was not true. My wife found me on Match.com dont remember the exact dates, but I believe it was in 2013. I have completely stopped this behavior and we have both agreed to put extraordinary precautions in so there will not be a possibility of this ever happening again. Just wanted to expose myself. I will make sure that I am reading my posts to ensure there cannot be anything that is not true.

I want to change desperately and leave no room for errorany longer.

What?

You aren't exposing yourself when we already know you cheated and lied yet again.

Ok understood. Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can fix my marriage????

I am desperate and hopeless

Today, I exposed myself to a man that I have a very high regard for. We have arranged to meet as often as I need to discuss how to save my marriage.

It is another step by admitting my failures as a husband, father and Christian.

**The above question should not be "fix" my marriage, it should be "SAVE" my marriage.

Dr Harley told you how, when you were on the radio show. You chose not to do it.

BTW, I think the first and last line of your signature line need erasing. You haven't stopped you destructive behaviour yet.

SugarCane,

Changed at your suggesting.

I will make sure I listen again to both of the radio shows I was on to ensure I follow through with what was said.

Markos,

Wrote an apology to my pastor today and tonight will start with my kids.

I don't have any advice for you on how to save your marriage but I do have some advice for you. Respect your wife's decisions, don't manipulate her or your kids with pity parties and do right by your wife for once...without expecting something in return like saving your marriage. Improve yourself and stop your destruction behavior because it is the right thing to do...because your children deserve a better father...not because you want another chance to save your marriage.

Until you do things without a "what's in it for me" attitude, your wife should stay far, far away from you.

Thanks for the advice.

I am not happy with what I have created for my wife and kids and my ultimate goal is to be better not only for me, but most importantly for them. NONE of this is manipulation

Browsing the forum, I found the 30 days to a better man. It has some daily tasks to go through. Reading through 1st lesson and will be including this in my daily taks.

Nightly post 1:

Throughout my day, work, meeting with the established mentor and back by myself, there was not any dishonesty today to add to the sheet. Not an inclination to either.
Today, while sharing my story to my mentor it shows me how far I have dug.

Also though, shows me that how far I went, my mentor explained there is not a situation that God cannot fix. But will I let Him?

Not how far I went, how far I am...

You are wasting your time. Old forum posts are not going to help you, and many of these ideas are actually harmful to you. Dr. Harley was very clear with you. Anything other than following his direct advice is folly.

Do you have any idea how many men in precisely your situation have come to this forum and behaved exactly the way you are now doing? They consistently fail, because they are not sincere about changing themselves. If you really want to fix your marriage, you are going to have to embrace radical honesty totally. It isn't a matter of doing some things to document progress. You need to willingly transform your habits so that every room of your life is open to complete examination by your wife. You need to proactively open up. It is not good enough that you do just a few things and then go back to old habits. You need to make your dishonesty impossible. There can be no secrets.

So, instead of documenting your failures, why don't you figure out ways to allow verification of what you are up to. Make a secret second life impossible. Give your wife the keys to every room of your personal space.

"30 days to a better man" actually has some concepts that are diametrically opposed to MB, such as "I do not ask for permission", I do not sell out who I am to placate others" and "I choose which of my friendships to maintain". Adopting some of the attitudes on the list would mean not using POJA, and not putting your wife's perspectives on your marriage at the front of your concerns. The whole list suggests that what women say they want from a man is irrelevant; what is relevant is what other men tell a man to do. Of course, you should not be seeking advice from "women", but you should absolutely be seeking advice from YOUR woman, your wife, and not ignoring her in favour of what other men tell you to do. That is anti MB. So is this:

"Are there activities I used to do for fun that I no longer do? Is someone interfering and am I resentful because of it?
Are there valuable friendships with men I�ve let slip away?
Where am I currently having problems (unhappy, frustrated, sad, angry, resentful) in my life, and did compromising myself�and what�s important to me�contribute to my feelings and/or the situation?
What dreams have I abandoned?"

If you follow that advice, your marriage stands no chance of ever surviving.

You need to ignore anything you see on the forum that is not from a Harley book, article, email, forum post (by Dr Harley) or radio show, if you want to use MB to save your marriage. If you use those alternative sources, they will conflict with MB in places, and they will destroy your marriage.

Yet another lie.

Thank you for all the of the information.

What a shame that Dr Harley and Joyce spent all this time trying to help, and you just squandered the opportunity to finally begin to fix your M.

How sad for your kids and wife.

Agreed. I sent the Harleys an apology letter. I have and will continue to listen to the two shows to gain what I should be doing

Is there another post that I could be reading on where the MB principles were being done outside of the house? My w and I are not in the same house, but sent an email to her asking exactly what she needs from me at this point in time. I know what she has said and what she has needed before and without any current information, I will direct all of my efforts to stop those behaviors.

Spent some time with my kids today and it is only more motivation to stop my behavior and do what my wife asks.

Let me blunt:

Your word means nothing. You are the kind of person who can't be trusted to say what he ate for breakfast.

I'm sure these affairs were obtained through lying to OWs about all sorts of crap that a dumb OW would believe. You are used to lying to get what you want.

You have no honour. None. Zip. Zero.

Stop TALKING and start doing. Your word is worthless. You KNOW what she needs, be quiet and start doing it instead of talking your way put of it.

Nightly post 2:

Church service this morning the title of the Pastor's message "God does not lie" Titus 1:1-4.

Alis:

Posting is part of doing as she as asked me to post and read on the forum but I will leave out the ramblings.

What is the purpose of posting this?