Something doesn't make sense.
Your wife left the state?
Has your attorney filed with a Court to send Marshals to retrieve the children?
What is being done?
Does she have a job? How does she pay for motels and gas?

She has some of her own money stashed away. She put her attorney on my cc before I had a chance to shut it down. She will most likely go to her family who will support her in the short run. It's clear that she has had escape plans for some time.

Have you filed a police report? If not, do that asap. You need legal documentation of her erratic behavior. Also, start a journal. Document her actions, conversations with her or legal people, etc.

There is no way she put this together this kidnapping overnight.she was planning this for a while. You did not provoke this. It would have happened no matter what.

Late to this but here's some thoughts.

1. Cops probably won't be able to do anything. No divorce action has been filed so either parent has 100% custody. Absent a court order....she can travel wherever she wants with her children. You may have to file a petition to get them back. Kids are truant so that's a possible angle. Not sure and depends on the state.

2. What state do you think they went to? Residency requirement require someone to live somewhere for typically 6 months or a year before they can file for divorce in that state. This means, IF you file a custody and/or divorce petition in your state prior to her filing in the other state AFTER the required waiting period in that state for residency then your state control and your children remain considered a resident of your state. She'll have to bring them back, fight for custody there, win primary custody there and THEN file for a motion for petition to move out of state.

3. You mentioned she's been planning this. Hopefully not that long or well. I had one friend in Illinois whose wife went home to Michigan, changed her driver's license and "legal address" to her parent house then went back to Illinois and waited the required 6 months (or 1 years...don't recall). THEN she left with her kids and filed for divorce in Michigan. He subsequently filed in Illinois but for some reason (probably expediency) the Illinois court let the fraud stand and my friend was shafted. This isn't common and I doubt your wife had this much forethought but who knows.

4. As had happened with Jedi, this completely sucks and has you in a complete panic but there is a little upside. It is a good period of time to document your genuine primary concern about your kids versus your wife's unstable mind and willingness to use the kids as pawns in your marital struggles over her affair. I know this is difficult today, but she has to come home with the kids and face this situation like an adult. The longer she plays this game the more a judge, in the future, should punish her for trying to alienate the children's father. You may want to carefully write emails versus voice & text messages keeping in mind that a judge may read these emails someday. Judges are concerned ONLY about which parent in the most concerned and focused on the kid's best interest. State things like "I would never do something like this to you" and express your pain and hurt clearly. Keep asking to talk to the children because her refusals to allow you to even communicate with them are a clear indication to any judge that she is perfectly willing to abuse her children by alienating them from their father for her own pleasure and whim.

5. You mentioned she read HNHN. Did she buy the book? Pretty ironic that an author she read and paid for his book will be the professional you'll be using to support your choices to expose her affair and fight for your marriage.

I bought the book and we both read it. We were both under the advisement of our marriage counselor.

Have you spoken to her or your kids?

Do you have an email for her, her parents?


I'm just a tax attorney. I have no idea how to really help you with a custody matter in your state. You need to get with an attorney IMMEDIATELY to figure out how to best proceed.

PERHAPS...the best thing to do right now is to send desperate emails to your wife and her family asking where she is, where the kids are, are they safe (hinting that you are very concerned about their safety due to your wife's inconsolable and irrational state of mind that you observed). Focus on the children and your relationship with them.

Put an app on your phone that will record all your phone calls...even the ones with the children if and when you speak to them.

DOCUMENT...DOCUMENT....DOCUMENT

Your marriage isn't over but while you fight for your marriage you need to protect your backside and custody of your children in your state. What she is doing should backfire against her in that fight.


My wife's affair was long distance. One of the most shocking wake up moments to her back in 2005 was when she realized I wasn't going to just let her move with our child back to her hometown 750 miles away. That our daughter was legally "stuck" in Michigan which leaves an entitled wayward incredulous but in a predicament. Either the OM has to come to your state OR the wayward wife has to leave her kids behind. When push comes to shove....the affair typically implodes.

It may takes months and a divorce/custody dispute before your entitled wayward wife realizes she can't just up and take "her" kids wherever she wants.

Typicalman, no one is going to be able to help you if all you do is post one sentence responses and leave most of the questions people ask you unanswered.

This is a legal matter now, so I'm hesitant to post detailed responses... I hope you understand that. If there is any way to private message me please let me know.

You sound very shell shocked - can you go to your doctor and get ADs? You will need to rational and tough to ride this out.

You said it yourself, she was planning this even before exposure. Thank goodness you have told people what is really going on before she concocted a story about you.

Will her family support you? Simply call them and tell them you need them to step up and tell her go home.

TM you are totally unidentifiable. There are many threads which are the exact duplicate of yours.

your situation is common.

Additionally, you don't need to be concerned legally. You are seeking marriage advice here, don't let her make you feel like you did something wrong.

In fact this thread is a diary and pretty good evidence of your dedication to the marriage and the kids.

That you sought out the advice of a well respected clinical psychologist and have acted on his advice. That would refute any claims she will make up.

Not that such nonsense would need refuting.

Also, contact YOUR credit card provider and dispute the charges that she placed to retain HER attorney who seemingly provided her advice on what and where to go and to take your kids away.

You will have to follow up the phone call with a written letter.

They will automatically reverse the charges already paid to that attorney until the matter is out of dispute.

LTL

Your situation is run-of-the-mill. Your story matches so many others -- Jedi and MrWondering have both been in similar spots, as have many many other BHs on this forum.

Answering questions so that we can help you is not going to ID you.

Did you do this?

Did you do this?

Did you do this?

I will try to give the best responses that I can. Trust me... I am concerned for my kids and I love them. I am concerned for my wife and I love her. I care for my wife deeply and I want her to get through this and I'd love nothing more than to give her a big hug right now and hear her voice. Make no mistake, I have a VERY level head. I have concern, but not panic. I fully expected her to be upset, but I underestimated her carelessness with our children. Under no circumstances did I think she would drag them into this in this way.. I am shocked by that. Everything suggested here I have done except go to the police. No one locally has indicated that would do any good and from a legal standpoint it seems that she has lots of liberty here until the court has taken action. Unfortunately, it sounds like that is going to take a while. My little boy got pulled out of school, so I will be taking every possible angle to get him back in class. I want what is best for my wife but I understand that her decisions are going to be hers to live with. I am also starting to take steps to make sure that when they return, my wife will have a safe loving support network so returning to her family or the other man will not be needed. I have all the contact information for her family however, they are useless. Her family supports her affair or are simply in denial because a physical part cannot be proven. They are extremely resentful of me for moving my wife far away and giving her a good life. It seems that they have most likely been part of her escape plan. I can't judge if they are good or bad people since they could be simply gaslighted by my wife just as I have been. I know that the marriages in her family certainly don't follow the MD principles in any shape or form, so they also don't seem to understand what a healthy marriage is supposed to entail

sorry.. I meant MB principles not MD principles.

I can't help you when you are vague with answers.

Has your attorney filed anything in court yet?