Is this your show?

Radio Clip of 1234qwer's show
Segment #2
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Brainhurts,

Yes it is my second show.

Jedi and Didnt quit,

My wife has stated that she needs a passed polygraph before any consideration so she knows everything is on the table.

Markos and Prisca:
I understand. I will not travel out of town without her. If I do, I will plan a family trip during the trip to ensure we are together.

Will be posting more questions and an update later tonight.

Some more questions:

Markos and Prisca: In the widrawn state that I have sent my w, how do I go about trying to spend time with her if she does not want to? I am following Remarks thread also and Markos you said to continue to try. It obviously worked for you all, but what actions allowed for the walls to come down?

Was it stopping the LBs/ENs and implementing POJA in all areas?

I am very interested to hear both sides in your marriage and what emotions were both going through, because I would like to understand fully what I SHOULD be doing and how she is feeling.

I do not want to hurt her and our girls for a second longer. I am following through with what actions she wants to move forward with and allowing her space. Is this the proper way in our current situation?

One of the biggest hurdles you face, 1234qwer, is your dishonesty. Your dishonesty makes recovering with you very risky for your wife. Openness and Honesty is a huge emotional need for a lot of women, and that makes your dishonesty feel even worse for her.

I have heard Dr. Harley say that dishonesty is one of the hardest lovebusters to overcome.

You are going to need to get a hold of Dr. Harley's 5 Steps to Romantic Love and work through the worksheets in order to overcome your dishonesty. You are going to need to get in touch with Dr. Harley and ask him to help you.

You are going to have to make yourself completely vulnerable to your wife. No more secrets, no more lies. She will need to know so much about you and what you're doing and thinking that she could walk all over you if she wanted to.

Signing up for the online program to be able to talk to Dr. Harley on the private forum is what really helped us, and I think you need that one-on-one help from him. He's your best resource and your best chance right now.

The big difference between you and Remark is that Remark is not concealing a secret second life.

Prisca,

Thank you.

I do have already the have the workbook, but should I be including my w in completing them or give her the completed copy of them? With the focus on Dishonesty?

Also, is there another questionaire (other than the personal history) to be completely vulnerable to her? Would a sit down with her be more beneficial? Should I be asking her all of these questions?

She has stated she just wants the truth and it is not about what I have done, it is what I keep doing...and very sadly I have not given this to her...

Beyond your dishonesty, I question your sincerity. You strike me as somebody looking for the easy solution. If you put can out this fire, then you plan go back to life as usual. You need to put some real proactive effort into this. Do you really have any concept of how much you need to change to be a safe spouse?

Why should I think you are not sincere? Just look at the effort you put into picking a screen name. Just hit the first few keys and don't really bother thinking about too much. It sort of belies a minimalist intent, doesn't it?

Even if you do complete the questionnaires, how will she know that it is the complete truth this time?

In my opinion, you need the direct guidance of Dr. Harley. You should contact him and ask him to help you come up with a plan.

Time to tell the truth.

Mr. Eureka,
I admit I have been someone that did the easy solution but I do see the seriousness of my behavior because of how my w feels and how much I have disregarded her feelings.

The screen name is part of a password to the computers I use for work to train Soldiers. It is something I use on a consistant basis and could remember.

I want to be the safe person for my wife and that is one of many reasons why I want to ask questions on the forum and getting the individual help that is needed to deposit love units for my w.

Prisca,

I will email Dr. Harley tonight and will update once I get a response.

I have given my wife the truth about my affairs and looking at pornography.

The issue is that I have lied so much, nothing is believable which I completely understand.

Today, I found a video that Dr. H did this year explaining Why Women leave men. It is based off the Article which he wrote located on the site.

The video showed me just how much I have hurt my w and how she feels neglected. Dr. H gave the action plan on how to prevent this from happening in the video also. I took a lot of notes and will re-watch.

There are a lot of problems that I have created in my marriage, but the one I am focusing on is dishonesty and why I am dishonest with my w.

Tonight, I mentioned the video to her and what Dr. H's plan was to prevent continuous neglect.

I have been told by people on the forum and my wife that the fix to my problems is telling the truth and show real change instead of talking about it. I feel that the only way start any type of recovery is to take another polygraph to confirm what I have told my wife. We have talked also about if it comes back again deceitful what actions she was going to take.

In our conversations, nothing I say is believable because of the polygraph results (I completely understand). Would/Should another polygraph be our next step?

If I were your wife I would not even give you the time of day unless you took AND PASSED a second polygraph. And if you took a second poly and failed a second time, I would consider your chances of reconciliation over and would drive directly to my attorney to file.

Word of advice: you need to come 100% clean. 100%. You cannot leave even the slightest detail out, whatever that may be, however hurtful you may think it, however embarrassing it is to you, even however unimportant you may think it is. It is your ONLY shot to start down a new path. If you do not plan to do that, then stop wasting your wife's and everyone else's time.

Have you heard back from Dr. Harley? What did you email him?

I agree to the polygraph and the she has every bit of infidelity information that I have done. The other lies I have told about random things I have been telling her as I remember them. I know that may sound shallow as I have lied so much. I was sitting in our neighborhood and I remembered a lie I told her and I wrote it down and told her. Anything that is a lie I will run to her to tell her.


I emailed Dr. H on 2 May and have not heard anything back as of yet.

Took my second polygraph today. My w and I agreed on the terms and she wrote the questions. Awaiting the results

You, of all people, should know what the result is going to be.

What did you say?

The results are back and it was failure.

I cannot believe the results at all. I have come absolutely clean to my w with all the details of my past affairs and pornography viewage and now with the results of the test my wife now will leave me.

I am shocked and hurt for my family and the results are not the truth.

Before the test there was a lot of nervousness on my part. I was not nervous because of any deciet that I was hiding but because the whole weight of my w life/kids life depending on these test results. I know that this sounds like a bunch of junk, but I did not lie on this test. My position on trying to be a better person for my family will not change. My posting here will not change, because I do despartely want to fix myself and my family.

With these results, she will be leaving me and filing for divorce. My Pastor and I were having lunch when she called him with the results. It has made me hurt to the deepest extent for my w and girls. The results are just not true, but I cannot be believed and I know that.

I have emailed Dr. H today again letting him know what the results were and asking for his guidance. There has to be someone within his experience to be in the same situation I have found myself. I am not hiding anything from my w and want to deeply apologize to her and my girls for these results. They are a gigantic mistake and I do not know now what else to do.

I have given to her every piece of information about me and have been truthful with her.

What questions did you fail?

All of them. My w wrote the questions this time. We were able to write 4 questions. I do not want to lose my family nor hurt my wife for a second more, but again these results are going to make that so.

I volunteered for this second test and want to clear this up, but the results again are what they are.

I do not want to accept well that's it and just not stand up and fight. Again, I do realize how much hurt I have caused my wife and girls and how difficult this news was to her.

But it is not true...

I had to take multiple polygraph tests during my civil service career. While it is a flawed technology, it does have its utility. You must have reacted to the questions. In all likelihood, you are such a habitual liar that even the "truth" is some form of fabrication in your mind. Most of us can speak truth effortlessly. But if you are in a habit of lying, you probably do a lot of mental processing even when you are trying to be honest. In other words, you have lied so much that you don't even know how to speak the truth effortlessly.