The thought of speaking the truth effortlessly is definetly something that I struggle with. I am trying so hard to not let another lie come out of my mouth and anything. I have confessed everything to her and as I posted before, any lies that come to my mind I have gone to her and told her. I do as you put "do a lot of mental processing" before I answered the questions.

I do not know how to explain the hole this has created first for my w, kids and me.

I do not know what else to do at this point in time except try to be there for my w if she needs me. But I think at this point she doesnt... and I completely understand...

My w is what I desire to please more than anything in this world, but she has accepted these results.

Even if you were telling the truth and the poly were somehow flawed, your track record convicts you.

Of course she would accept those results.

Game over.

What were the questions?

DidntQuit,
I realize that I have lied up until 2 days after my first lie detector test and I am very regretful for this and for the hurt of my w and girls that I have caused. I do not consider these results or my family's life a game.

Black Raven, Below are the questions (i took out some of the names)

Other than w and (known affair), have you had sexual intercourse with any other woman since you have been married to w? ANSWER NO

Have you had any inappropriate sexual contact (this was explained intercourse,groping,oral sex etc) with any other woman other than w since moving to (state we live) in April of 2013? ANSWER NO

Other than the one time you have disclosed to w, have you viewed pornography since the birth of your child in July 2014. ANSWER NO

Regardless of the questions being asked today, did you come here with the intention to be truthful? ANSWER NO

I am going to see a counselor that my w and I (separately) started to see last week. I called him after meeting with my Pastor. He said we will discuss some things tomorrow when we meet.

Through all of the despair and hurt that this is caused my family, I am still very determined to the MB process on fixing myself and show everyone else that I am being truthful with what I have said about these test results.

I noticed in my un edited post that my w name is in one of the questions.

No???

Sorry....YES!!!!!!

Below was posted to me earlier in the thread...

I am going to establish someone in my life to be accountable through starting tomorrow. I realize that I am a habitual liar. The failed polygraph is not true, but the reason for the accountablility is to prevent from the behavior from ever happending again



Originally Posted By: Dr. Harley

Your husband's problem with honesty is serious enough to warrent a program of intense accountablility. For one thing, it's threatening his marriage, but it threatens much more if he can't get it under control. Honesty is extremely important in life, and when a person's dishonesty has spun out of control, it can get him into all kinds of trouble.

Marriage has a way of straightening us all out, because our spouses will not let us get away with the self-destructive things that we are sometimes motivated to do. So by not putting up with certain behavior, it ultimately saves us from ourselves. This is most obvious with drug and alcohol addicts, but in your case, dishonesty can work the same way.

Your husband now sees the problem with his dishonesty, and is willing to do whatever it takes to overcome it. My advice is to spend a few weeks, or maybe even a few months, with a person or persons who care enough about him to correct his misstatements about common events of the day. It could be family members for some parts of the day, and you for other parts of the day. The point is to recognize that his problem with honesty is so serious that this radical step is necessary to break his habit. His dishonest statements must be identified and corrected as they occur.

I know that you are absolutely fed up with his lies, and maybe you can't participate in his recovery because each lie would be too upsetting to you. But somehow, he should be "shadowed" for at least a few weeks to help break him of this very bad, and self-destructive, habit.

Technically, all self-destructive human behavior can change if a person will allow someone who they trust to prevent them from engaging in those habits for a while. Once they are doing the right thing, the "coach" can be involved less and less until the risk of the bad habit has been eliminated. Ultimately, you end up being in the best position to be the coach that your husband needs, and you'll find that eventually, you won't have to go to special lengths to check up on him. But your husband should never go back to having privacy again. Even when he is able to give you accurate statements about his events of the day, he should create a transparent lifestyle where he never does anything without at least someone knowing what he's up to. I live that kind of life myself, and it's not a punishment for past sins. Instead, it's a way to make me accountable to others, especially my wife, which, in turn, makes me a better people. If someone with a video camera were to followed us around all day, and the tapes could be checked out of the public library, we would all become essentially sinless.

Best wishes
Willard F. Harley, Jr.

Comeon, qwer. That's not even a good believable lie. Come clean.

Markos,

There is nothing more to come clean about. I have told my w EVERYTHING.

I am determined to the MB program and apply it to my life to be a better person, husband and father for my family.

The test results were wrong and I hope Dr. H emails me back soon to help me understand what he believes should happen going forward. The lies are out and I have not lied to my w since 2nd day after my last polygraph.

I am very ashamed that my wife and kids have to go through this and want them in my life so much.

That is not believable. Especially since you lied on the first test.

I am confused as to what you have admitted to. How can you cheat before your first affair? Sex vs no sex? How many women are we talking about here and what was the type of affair you had with each?

I doubt that.

Which questions were failures?

So you have had sexual intercourse with at least one other woman since you have been married to your wife.


So you have had sexual contact with at least one other woman since moving to your state in April 2013.


So you have viewed pornography more than one time since July 2014, including at least one time that you have not disclosed.

See - the truth is easy. Hiding it ruins marriages.

I completely understand from all the feedback that I am getting here and fully expected it because of my track record.

The results of the test are wrong and I will be taking another from a different person. There were mixed reviews on the polygrapher that I used for the two, we just went for the cheapest. His price is also differes from the general range of all of the other certified polygraphers. Also, I contacted another polygrapher that said their appointment is significantly longer than the 40 mins I had with the first two. Bottom line is, it is a more thourough test.

I am not wasting anyone's time here and have told the truth and stopped my behavior of lying to my w. I have set up two accoutability partners (one in state and one out of state) to discuss daily activities and being honest in any lies that were told each day. These will for the time being take the place of my w until the results of the test are clearly shown to be false.

I am here to change my destructive behavior and get help. I will continue to post to gain insight and answer questions that you may have. Please understand that I do not mean this in any form of pride or to neglect my w at all.

Nothing from Dr. H as of yet,

Black Raven,

Here are the affairs:

1st: Kissing a girl while at my first duty station in the military in a bar.
2nd: Kissing another girl with touching on outside of clothes.
3rd: Full blown affair with sexual contact.

These were in 2005 and before. Since then, there has not been any Sexual Contact (kissing etc) with any woman other than my w. I am guilty of lying about the existence of the two kissing affairs until the 24th of April of this year. 1 day after my first polygraph. I have come clean with all of my affairs and am not hiding anything else from my w. I know that the results of the second test say otherwise, but the test results is wrong.

Markos,

All the questions that we paid for came up as failures.

I know that a passed polygraph will not fix all of my marriage problems. But sadly, a passed polygraph is what is needed for any hint of recovery.

I see the passed polygraph as a foundation that we both can place our feet onto to move forward. There is a lot of damage that I have created, but want to do everything I can (tell the truth in which I have) to prove to my w I am serious.

This is the 2nd failed polygraph, correct?

You realize, that you need someone to "shadow" you throughout the day, right? Later, you would tell your version of events and they would work with you to correct your misrepresentations, since naturally you will make them. You need a program of accountability where it would be impossible to lie, and where you actually learn how to notice the difference between the truth and any variation of it.

Will the accountability plan that you are considering accomplish BOTH of those objectives? How can someone do that from out of state?