I hope you are heading to the bank immediately to protect your marital assets.

He WILL try to starve you out and beat you into submission.

LTL

It is great to see you come here and start to take control of your life. I remember how scary a waywards anger can be and the doubt it brings on.


Stick with us. Your WH is at a huge disadvantage because we have all been here and we have his number. His bullying and scare tactics are typical. He has no plan and his fantasy is falling apart. So yes he is angry.


You, on the other hand, have found a gold mine of experience and wisdom with MB. The reason there are so many long term posters here is because this place saved us. I am pretty sure that I would be institutionalized by now if I had not found MB.


Remember, if a waywards lips are moving than he is lying. So stop listening to him and take his power away.

Trust only what you can personally verify.

You WILL get through this and you will come out a stronger person. Hang in there. Cool, calm and in control...unlike the waywards.

Have you been to the bank and the attorney yet? How did it go?

Cool. A woman with no true friend is a pushover of a foe.

You find this with the truly nasty habitual type OW.

I just got back from the bank, and attorney. The attorney really was of no help, because unless I go into legal separation, I can't do anything.

You need to go into legal separation and get legal protection. Otherwise you will find yourself in the street.

I'm getting nervous. Only a very small handful contacted H, but there was alot of action from OW side. I feel like the reason he was angry is because of what he feels was done to her, and not so much him. This could be very detrimental for me?

She is known to harass people, and he may just go along with it. Her daughter keeps trying to friend me.

I am having a deputy be here when H gets here, just in case OW is with, and he tries to cause a scene.

All locks have been changed as well.

Melody, I just don't have the funds. How can that work. The lawyer said it would be very expensive.

Of course not. That is great that he is angry about the effects of exposure on her.


I agree you shouldn't friend her, but I would send her a PM and ask what she wants.


Good girl!! You don't plan on letting him in, do you? Why is he coming there? What does he need?

Do you have a credit card of your husbands? Did you take money out of the bank?

He won't be allowed in, and I changed all the locks.......even to the spare room in the barn where some things are kept that he wanted.

He wants his clothes, and some paperwork.

No, we don't have a credit card, and to be honest, he doesn't have the funds either. The restaurant doesn't do that well, he never has extra money, this is a very rare occasion to have extra funds in there. But it's summer. That has alot to do with why he pays so few bills, and probably why he hasn't proceeded before with anything.

I did take money, but not half. Part of me is still thinking with the business brain, I don't know how many checks he has out there, and bouncing checks will add alot of fees, and will be damaging to the business.

I don't know why I'm so afraid of him, to be honest.

IndieGirl has a good quote in her signature when she posts.

It says something like:

"We would you do if you were not afraid?"

HE is going to remove ALL of the money from the joint account and try to starve you out into submission. That's what Waywards do.

You should not be worried as much about the business funds right now, as your own assets for you personally.

I would go back to the bank and do an additional withdrawal.

Did you ask the attorney about taking out money to safeguard it against the POSOM and your Husbands affair spending? Heck..... He is paying her in cash and you don't even know how much.

Can YOU fire her?

Isn't the business half yours too?

He has NO Reason to come into YOUR Residence today.

Have him make a list and provide it first, with the Police or Sheriff there to follow him around.

Oh, he will Love being scrutinized like that?

LTL

What are you nervous about?

If everyone on OW's side is supporting her, then what on earth have you done to her other than rally her 'friends' around her? Clearly not everyone is supporting her and she is taking some heat, that is why WH is angry at you. Basically it means you have dealt the affair a sucker punch. And that is exactly what you wanted to do. So there is nothing to be nervous about!

One more thing.

If you are short of funds and your husband earns more than you report, some states allow the lesser financially viable spouse to use what is called, "Leveling The Playing Field", which is written right into the dissolution of marriage statutes.

What that means is, that he would be court ordered to pay some or all of your necessary legal fees.

Also, even without that as a statute, if pled for, a judge can order that himself.

LTL

Dr H says even if you need to divorce, you should do whatever you have to, to protect the money and credit. He says you can always remarry later after the affair dies. Whatever their former persona, a wayward will run through all savings and borrow funds. They will bankrupt you long before the A dies a natural death.

He always tells the betrayed spouse to protect the funds.

You could even add something in your Plan B letter to inform him the legal separation is not what you want and you will happily dismiss it when he is ready to end his affair.

See, waywards like to TALK separation - so long as they don't have to actually do any paperwork and face any changes to their lifestyle.





Sounds green. Can you find a lawyer more experienced with contentious separation and divorces? You need to stress you expect financial irresponsibility and require protection.

I won't lie to you it is expensive. But sitting there and hoping he isn't going to run through it all will be MORE expensive.

He will. Guaranteed.

I spent an absolute fortune on protecting myself. It was money I simply did not have. But I am better off financially now than I have ever been because of it.



This is 100 pc normal. It's natural to be afraid of someone abusive and without moral compass. He has great power to hurt you and he will wield it.

But we'll have you in Plan B and he will be without his ace card - his abuse of you.

Abusing you excuses his conscience, impresses his mistress, makes you I'll and unable to disrupt his A, keeps you available on the backburner, which keeps his mistress keen too.

You need out of the triangle until the all-clear siren. Have you ever read the Art of War? The greatest position of strength is the fortress.

I know you have enough 'ginger' to carry on, wounds and all, even in fear. That is true bravery. Acting as though you are not afraid when you are.

Is there any way you can get an emergency overdraft on the account? something that will cover a bounced check even though you have the funds? call the bank and ask for options. Just say you've removed funds but if checks bounce is there any way they can alert you etc...

Sorry to tell you but your business is already damaged and your WH will likely sink it. Running a restaurant (even under the best circumstances) is an extremely rough business...you stated as much in your second post. This is why I said running a restaurant will not work if you ever recover your marriage. High stress and little UA time would be a dealbreaker. Plus, your WH is allowing OW to abuse the employees as well.


And he is a lazy, delusional wayward.

The business loan you mentioned...is that a fixed loan or do you have a line of credit? If you have a line of credit you can write a check from that.

Ahhh gotcha. Knew there was something I was missing. Indeed.


Plan B should be approached as a single lifestyle - would you want the restaurant if it was just you?

Will it mean keeping contact with WH?

I'm just so overloaded, and overwhelmed! I just want to curl up, and cry.

Sorry Ginger

Do you have family or a close friend who can come over?