My mom is here now with me, she arrived this morning.

I did see the petition, and I hope I'm covering everything, I'm so new to this, but I really do trust her, she came highly recommended by more than one person. She is well aware of the situation with the home and business.

Thank you very much for the contact tips for the lawyer. I feel like fish out of water!

Until you enter Plan B.....if in contact with WH, be pleasant no.matter.what
he throws your way.
If he wants to discuss the money, say "I am protecting our financial situation."
Don't get into any elaborate conversations with him.

Even when you do go to Plan B, he may pop up here and there to get you face to face and you never, ever escalate into an argument. Never.

Be cool and calm facing him.

Even if you need to call police, say "You may not be abusive to me" as you call and get them over to protect you.

I think I did ok with that today, and I could tell he was trying to not push the anger with me to bad via text. But why can't it be discussed via text, why must he see me in person?

I'm feeling very uncomfortable, and uneasy. Not just his anger, or irrational behavior, but I've been warned she is doing drugs, and is just as unpredictable. I have no way to verify that, but I'm not feeling comfortable, and I will not put myself in a position to be face to face with him at this point.

Is it typical to be fearful of the situation like this with your WS?

Typical in many cases. Not all but many (after all, your WH is in a very bad place right now). He IS unreliable to you.

Pat yourself on the back.

You are doing Great!!!

I would suggest getting a VAR, Voice Activated Recorder to have on you at ALL times to record any potential conflict or aggressive confrontations.

There are also Apps that you can download for Free on your cell phone.

The one I use is called;
"Smart Voice"

Play with it and get used to it and Use It.

When you do speak with your lawyer, try to always have your questions written down and leave space for her answers.

The lawyer is Not your counselor. Avoid running up the minutes with her crying about any Woes Me and Why Is He Doing This To Me, type of conversations. Keep it strictly about legal business questions and answers.

LTL

Thank you reading and LTL. I appreciate it.

I do have a mini voice recorder, and will use it. I have had my questions typed out for my lawyer, but thank you again for the tip on time management with her. I'm gonna have to remember to keep that in the back of my mind when with her.

It's easy advice to give, but if you are not mentally and emotionally focused, it is pretty darned hard to do for yourself.

My attorney also was my business attorney and also my next door neighbor eventually. My 1st session was nothing but a balling pity party.

Learn from others experiences and save some money as a result.

The most expensive fee is the initial retainer and then after that, of any forensic accounting is needed for discovery.

LTL

I'm definitely trying to learn, I'm getting there, and appreciate the help tremendously!

I have been following your thread and so rooting for you. Although you may owe me a new keyboard after I spewed coffee all over this one laughing so hard at that crazed harlot calling the cops on exposure when she had a warrant out for her arrest. When you're done exposing her on cheater websites you can also add her to some "stupid criminal" websites!

I digress.

The reason he may want to speak to you in person instead of by text is because he knows you are much easier to manipulate in person. Look at how you have quickly doubted yourself in the face of his anger.

He's having an affair and destroying your business and HE'S angry at YOU? That's RICH. Ludicrous to anyone not in your shoes.

But you are in the thick of things and easily thrown off balance. Also, he may want to say things he knows better than to put in writing. So have that VAR ready.

No matter what he says, just don't get sucked into trying to defend yourself or rationalize anything. (Pretend you're a politician and just keep repeating the talking points the pros on here gave you regardless of the question/comment.)

It wouldn't hurt to have your Mom there too. And if you have ANY sense that he could turn dangerous I would not meet with him. In fact, you have absolutely no obligation to meet with him. You could always ignore him or say something like "I am not open to meeting with you. I will address your questions by text or email but I am not open to talking to you."

If it is important he can email it. I can't think of any legitimate reason he needs to speak to you, other than to try to manipulate you or make you feel bad.

No matter what he says remember, as others have said - YOU ARE A ROCK STAR.

Thank you AnyWife. I refuse to see him, and put myself in a situation with him that I'm scared to be in. I'm nervous just anticipating him coming to the house. Via text, I can compose my emotions, and that will have to be good enough for him after what he's put me through. He knows my email too. I think you are right, it's because he knows he can manipulate me. He said it would take 5 minutes, and he would be civil. Yes, and I have a bridge I'd like to sell you too!

I do think it's comical that he says he's going to see an attorney.....what money the POSOW didn't get, I took back, or it went to the restaurant bills. So he has no money to hire an attorney.

I'll gladly replace your keyboard! It was worth it! LOL!

H just showed up on my doorstep unexpected again. He said yesterday he'd be here at 3:00 pm today after talking to his attorney, but he showed up at 10:00 am. He wants to know why I pulled the money out of our account. Through the door, I said I couldn't talk with him right now, and to please have a good day. His aggression then turned to begging, then thankfully he left, only to start the texting trail again.

So now plans to go into Plan B kick in. I have a question. Can he use my plan B letter against me in court in any way?

Is your Plan B letter posted in your thread?

He will continue to show up unannounced. Just expect it. Exclusive use of the marital house will eliminate that unless he wants to get in trouble.

Ginger, just wanted to chime in and say you are doing great with all of this. You are a fighter, you will succeed no matter how this turns out!

Good


I understand you trust your attorney but like anything else you should not blindly trust her. Lawyers are human and make mistakes...even the best ones. You should still approve what goes out. Believe it or not, clerical errors like spelling your name wrong can cause problems. I have seen people's names spelled incorrectly (even multiple ways in the same document); the wrong address listed; other people's information (name, SSNs etc) in the paperwork ; a lawyer using vague, poor wording which will lead to problems...it happens and it happens too often. You are the one that will have to live with any mistakes so verify the accuracy of documents upfront. It will save you a lot of time, money and headaches later on.

Thank you axslinger! . I appreciate your kind words.

Black_Raven, I will post my Plan B letter later this afternoon to be checked over.

I did read through the petition.everything looked good as far as I could see. I'm doing my best, like I said, I feel like a fish out of water right now.

Thank you also black_raven!

Lol, BR..... 85 Typos!!!

See Ginger, by holding your ground, you are establishing a good precedent for him to follow.

Keep it up with no breaks in the plan.

You are doing great.

LTL

Perhaps it would help if you said what you were afraid of?

I'm at a complete loss as to how a love letter, asking him to end his affair, stressing that the emotional pain is unbearable - can make you look bad in any way.

If anything it makes you look like a forgiving saint (although most BSs want to forgive, it's not what Joe Bloggs on the street expects) and your husband a total cad for not not jumping at the chance.

Part of this also is that some members of the staff continue to harass him because of this situation, and his life choices. None of them respect him, or what he did to me. I've tried asking them to stop, and explaining to them what is happening, and that when they do that, how it effects me.....that's it's just pushing him to her. I wish they would just stop, but I understand they have their own issues with him. He's certainly getting pressure from all sides though.

I definitely do see the shift LTL. I guarantee you, he does not expect his timid wife to go for divorce. I do see though, doing the steps I have done is the only way out of this situation. I do feel he's more worried about his sugar daddy money for her, than how this will effect the restaurant.