Sample Plan B letter, from SAA (revised edition) pages 77-78:

My Dearest __________,
I apologize to you for my part in creating an environment that helped make your affair possible. I foolishly pursued my goals without understanding my responsibility to meet your most important emotional needs. I was not there for you when you needed me the most and we are now both suffering for my mistake. [Add your willingness to address other complaints that the unfaithful spouse may have communicated prior to the affair.]

I am willing to avoid the mistakes I've made in the past and create a new life for both of us that will meet your needs. But I cannot do that until you end your relationship once and for all. Living with you under these conditions has been the most painful experience of my life, and I can no longer endure it.

Until your affair ends, and you are willing to follow a plan of reconciliation with me, I will avoid seeing you or talking to you. Our friends, ________, have agreed to help make arrangements for you to see our children on schedule that is mutually convenient. They will provide transportation. If you want to communicate about the children or any other mater, it will have to be through them.

I ask that you respect my decision to separate from you th is way. You must know about the suffering I have endured because of your relationship, and I simply cannot be with you any longer knowing that you are together. I still love you but I cannot see you under these conditions.

As soon as you are willing to permanently end your relationship, follow precautions to avoid absolutely any contact with the other person, and join me in a plan to restore our relationship, I will be wiling to discuss our future together with you.

I hope that we will be able to rebuild our marriage some day. I want us to be able to meet each other's emotional needs and to avoid doing anything to hurt each other. We can build a new lifestyle together in which everything we do makes us both happy. Then there will never be a reason for us to be separated. I want to be your best friend, someone who is always there for you when you need me. And I want you to be my best friend.

I cared for you when we married and I continue to care for you right up to this day. But I cannot be with you or help you as long as you are in this relationship.

With all my love,
(signed)

This letter should be delivered by your friends to the unfaithful spouse, and a copy sent to the lover with a note at the bottom saying:

I love ______ with all my heart and am willing to do whatever it takes to make her happy. I will wait for that chance.

Thank you BrainHurts....that was the sample I had used, and some of the members were helping me tweak the letter. BR said not to send the letter to the particular OW in my situation.

BR said not to send the letter to the particular OW in my situation.

Dr. Harley recommends sending a copy to the OW also.

Ok, here's the revision. In the last sentence, I did take out the part that said "when we were married", because I don't know if he will get this before or after he is served, and I don't want him clued in.


My Dearest XXXX,

Remember when you used to tell me what a pretty smile I had, and how beautiful my eyes were, it would literally fill my heart with happiness every time you would say those things to me.

I apologize to you for my part in creating an environment that helped make your affair possible. I am willing to avoid the mistakes I've made in the past, and create a new life for both of us that will meet our needs. But I cannot do that until you end your affair once and for all. Living under these conditions has been the most painful experience of my life, and I can no longer endure it.

Until your affair ends, and you are willing to follow a plan of reconciliation with me, I will avoid seeing you or talking to you.

I ask that you respect my decision to separate from you this way. You must know about the suffering I have endured because of your affair, and I simply cannot be with you any longer knowing that you are together with her. I still love you, but I cannot see you under these conditions.

As soon as you are willing to permanently end your affair, follow precautions to avoid
absolutely any contact with the other person, and join me in a plan to restore our
relationship, I will be willing to discuss our future together with you.

I hope that we will be able to rebuild our marriage some day. I want us to be able to meet each other's emotional needs and to avoid doing anything to hurt each other. We can build a new lifestyle together in which everything we do makes us both happy. Then there will never be a reason for us to be separated. I want to be your best friend, someone who is always there for you when you need me. And I want you to be my best friend.

I cared deeply for you, and I continue to care for you right up to this day. But I cannot be with you, or help you as long as you are in this affair.

With all my love,

I can't find anyone who will deliver the plan b letter to him. I may need to resort to leaving it in the PO box, and letting him know it's there. Or bring it to the restaurant myself, drop it off, and leave.

I said I personally wouldn't send one and explained my reason. I don't know if Dr H says to send one to the AP or not but others have sent one to the AP.

...and you will always be in my heart.

This is what I wrote on the bottom of POSOW copy, in handwriting. I will deliver that to her PO box on a different day, I want H to get his first.

I love ______ with all my heart and am willing to do whatever it takes to make her happy. I will wait for that chance