You're welcome, Ginger. We have all been there and it is heartbreaking.

I made a minor change to my previous post.

Hugs to you.

Thank you black_raven.


Is this line in red OK? I tweaked it a little.

I ask that you respect my decision to separate from you this way. You must know about the suffering I have endured because of your affair, and I simply cannot be with you any longer knowing that you are together with her. I still love you, we�ve been through alot together, but I cannot see you under these conditions.

Just so everyone knows. It is what Dr. Harley wrote in SAA (which is the example letter I posted). Dr. Harley is the one who wrote the Plan B example with the following to the AP.


I just want to make it clear this is what Dr. Harley advises.

]
That is perfect! That is the exact verbiage out of SAA. It lets her know you are not giving up and her days are numbered.

I did write the word "him" in there also, not "her". But I'm confused now, should the letter have been tweaked the way it was, or use it word for word as the sample is....of course replacing her with him, and taking out the part about the kids.

I will leave the sentence to her as worded in the sample letter.

Just for reference again, this is the letter to H.

My Dearest XXXXX,

Remember when you used to tell me what a pretty smile I had, and how beautiful my eyes were, it would literally fill my heart with happiness every time you would say those things to me.

I apologize to you for my part in creating an environment that helped make your affair possible. I am willing to avoid the mistakes I've made in the past, and create a new life for both of us that will meet our needs. But I cannot do that until you end your affair once and for all. Living under these conditions has been the most painful experience of my life, and I can no longer endure it.

Until your affair ends, and you are willing to follow a plan of reconciliation with me, I will avoid seeing you or talking to you. If you have to relay any pertinent information, it will have to be communicated through my Intermediary, XXXX. His e-mail is: XXXXXX Please respect my wishes to not contact me directly.

I ask that you respect my decision to separate from you this way. You must know about the suffering I have endured because of your affair, and I simply cannot be with you any longer knowing that you are together with her. I still love you, we�ve been through alot together, but I cannot see you under these conditions.

As soon as you are willing to permanently end your affair, follow precautions to avoid
absolutely any contact with the other person, and join me in a plan to restore our
relationship, I will be willing to discuss our future together with you.

I hope that we will be able to rebuild our marriage some day. I want us to be able to meet each other's emotional needs and to avoid doing anything to hurt each other. We can build a new lifestyle together in which everything we do makes us both happy. Then there will never be a reason for us to be separated. I want to be your best friend, someone who is always there for you when you need me. And I want you to be my best friend.

I care deeply for you, and I continue to care for you right up to this day. But I cannot be with you, or help you as long as you are in this affair.

With all my love,

My Dearest XXXXX,

Remember when you used to tell me what a pretty smile I had, and how beautiful my eyes were, it would literally fill my heart with happiness every time you would say those things to me.

I apologize to you for my part in creating an environment that helped make your affair possible. I am willing to avoid the mistakes I've made in the past, and create a new life for both of us that will meet our needs. But I cannot do that until you end your affair once and for all. Living under these conditions has been the most painful experience of my life, and I can no longer endure it.

Until your affair ends, and you are willing to follow a plan of reconciliation with me, I will avoid seeing you or talking to you. Please respect my wishes to not contact me directly.

I ask that you respect my decision to separate from you this way. You must know about the suffering I have endured because of your affair, and I simply cannot be with you any longer knowing that you are together with her. I still love you, we�ve been through alot together, but I cannot see you under these conditions.

As soon as you are willing to permanently end your affair, follow precautions to avoid
absolutely any contact with the other person, and join me in a plan to restore our
relationship, I will be willing to discuss our future together with you.

I hope that we will be able to rebuild our marriage some day. I want us to be able to meet each other's emotional needs and to avoid doing anything to hurt each other. We can build a new lifestyle together in which everything we do makes us both happy. Then there will never be a reason for us to be separated. I want to be your best friend, someone who is always there for you when you need me. And I want you to be my best friend.

I care deeply for you, and I continue to care for you right up to this day. But I cannot be with you, or help you as long as you are in this affair.

With all my love,

XXXX

(handwritten)
I love XXXXX with all my heart and am willing to do whatever it takes to make him happy. I will wait for that chance.

You did the right thing.


perfect!

Thank you, Melody. I appreciate your willingness to help very much.

Absolutely perfect letter!

I am a wee bit concerned that your IM is a man? Is this a relative of yours..?

Indiegirl, this is what she said earlier.

I have concerns now to, I've been thinking about that as well. If it gets to the point where H would consider coming back, will he relay the info. I'm going to tell him that it is not his duty to make that decision, it's no ones but mine to make, that he must send it to me, and let me make my own decisions as an adult.

I sent him the text, letting him know that I had put something in the PO box for him that would help explain things. I don't have much faith in that method, apparently he hasn't been to the PO to pick up mail for almost a month. Then I thought too, what if POSOW gets the text instead of him. This is not going well.

If your uncle is protective and concerned it might be an issue. Being an IM means you hear some quite provocative stuff that would anger someone who loved you.

I would say no way to a father doing it, but an uncle might be alright.

If he can be neutral and just pass on relevant info and block the spam - fine.

You just need someone who can present a neutral face and not get baited into debates about the A. It doesn't have to be anyone close, you can have an email only IM -this is preferable really.

No it's fine. He will certainly go to see what's there when he cannot reach you any other way.

Your IM can send him an 'introducing myself' email. The IM could say the letter in the sd box explains his role. If he claims he didn't get it your IM could send him a copy - and explain about your text etc which would be just as good and just get OW in trouble.

I would see how you uncle does to start with. Have someone else in mind maybe if you need to switch him out.

Thank you indiegirl......it is set up as email only, my uncle doesn't want to communicate with H any other way. I will tell him he needs to remain neutral, and like you said, I can always switch if need be.

GREAT point about the text, and PO Box! I feel good about that now.

I will drop off the POSOW's copy Saturday at the PO. I know her PO box.

Thank you!

Email this to your IM.

IM Training School

He has it! Thank you!

H has his Plan B letter, he picked it up from the PO box same day, and POSOW's Plan B letter copy was delivered to her PO box today!

H has been served his divorce papers, and our temp hearing is June 1st. I'm very nervous, I don't want the divorce! My guess is he is just gonna run because he is pissed because of the divorce. But, I will try to keep the faith, and stay positive, moving forward in Plan B to work on me.