Thanks indiegirl. I expect it to be hard, and I know he will not make it easy for me, especially anything pertaining to the business. One by one he's alienating his staff, and humiliating them when they leave, so I expect much of the same from him. I'm going to hold my head high though, and not give him the satisfaction of knowing how bad he's hurt me!

My mom will be here with me in court for support.......though I'm sure the POSOW will be there too.

I have a question about the court hearing. If I do what I need to do to protect myself financially, how will this effect the love busters in this situation? If things come out that will really hit him hard, how is that gonna reflect on the potential of ever hoping to save our marriage? He's literally going to hate me for first taking the money, and then destroying him and the business. The way he already views it, everything is happening because of me, it's my fault because he's not taking any ownership.

Love Busting is
Selfish Demands
Disrespectful Judgments
Angry Outbursts
Annoying Habits
Independent Behavior
Dishonesty

The only one that would be considered part of what you are doing is
Independent Behavior

You took money without discussing it in advance and filed for divorce without discussing it in advance.

Even that isn't really Love Busting since you did it to protect yourself from further financial abuse by him.

Either he will eventually be able to get his act together to be a good mate for you or he never will. You can not control his actions and choices but only your own.

Is she driving while under the influence? And no one stops her or calls the cops? This is just a disaster in waiting.

Thank you reading. I hope he gets his act together, I really do.

Oh yes, BrainHurts.......she is. Even H calls her a mean drunk whore!

It is true that exposure and legal actions cause massive love bank withdrawls.
However, sometimes a cancer patient will need to undergo procedures which kill their own immune systems In hopes of killing the cancer.

I can only hope that POSOW will leave him once she realizes the money is gone, many have told me to expect that from her, she jumps from relationship to relationship quite fast. But, I expect her to hang on as long as she can as a matter of spite, given the situation. I think she gets a thrill out of the game, just as much as he does right now. Hence, her reason for posting pictures of just herself on his FB page yesterday.

The best thing that can happen is for the business to go under, and get the free flowing cash out of his, and her, hands IMHO.

My other hope, that his family will continue to show him how wrong he has been, and just how childish. His cousin told me last night that she loves me, and that I have her support in this. I've never met her in person, it's just the type of relationship you build by being kind to someone. She is an amazing friend, and great support. Just wish she lived closer.

Somebody should call the cops when they know she is there at the bar drinking and she drives away. They should give the plates of the car. There are signs all over the highways an interstates telling people to call if they suspect a drunk driver.

Ginger tells us about what you will do for you in Plan B.

Hi indiegirl. I'm working on losing weight....for me, and I have a goal of being comfortable on a horse, riding again, with my neighbor. I also need to find a job.

I'm also considering renting out the house to the family who bought the land next to me, and then moving closer to my family for a while after the court hearing, and after the garage is fixed. I know they would love to buy it, but I don't know if I'm ready to sell yet.....I need more time to think about that. Plus, a lot will depend on the hearing outcome.

I think I might take 3 days this week, and go stay with my family too. I need a hair cut, and I love the stylist I found over that way when I was visiting earlier in April. I have to see if my neighbor can feed my kitties for me first though.

Good Plan B-ing!

Thank you indiegirl!

Can anyone please tell me what to expect from the hearing? Am I going to need to speak, or will my lawyer handle it?

If H hasn't been able to afford a lawyer, is he given one, or does he just represent himself?

It depends on your local court. Thats a question your lawyer can answer best.

Typically, a court would not supply a lawyer for one party.

There are legal aide services that may, but they are overburdened with more desperate situations rather than a 1 on 1 divorce hearing.

Plus, he is not homeless or indigent. Just because he throws away his funds on affairville does not mean he is broke. They would insist he spend his income judiciously.

LTL

Thank you Jedi_Knight and LTL.

I do have another question. The night I did the exposing, and H called me, he was so very angry both times he called me. He said to me, "I knew you hadn't changed! It's still the same old controlling XXXX!"

I had been working so hard at becoming more positive, and building that relationship with him, I guess I'm still confused as to how the exposing and divorce doesn't just ruin everything?

I do understand I needed to put an end to his ruining us financially, and the reasons I had to take the money. I even believe the best thing that could happen is for the business to come to an end to get rid of the free flowing cash, but how will he ever trust me again?

I have received book, and I am reading it, but I'm still a bit confused how this will make things better. Won't he just forget about me with no contact?

Maybe I'm just over thinking things.

How can HE ever trust you again?!

LOL.

You must see the problem of thinking of things that way?!

You do what any betrayed wife in your given situation should do, would do, must do and do not participate in enabling the betrayal and do not worry about him ever trusting you.

If he ever ends his affair.................he will need to think about how YOU could ever trust HIM again.

Ok?

LOL......I do understand that, reading. I really do.

I guess I'm saying if I put the mistrust back out there, how will he ever consider leaving the affair?

His affair ruined everything. Exposing ruins the affair, hopefully, so that gives you your best chance at recovery. Anger over exposure is a sign of the fog.

Things were going "positive" between you and your husband as long as you shut up and went along with his affair while he stuck it to you. But that only enabled the affair. It didn't help your marriage one bit. In fact, you were only propping up his affair. That arrangement could have gone on for years!

What you did by exposing and getting legal protection is caused great conflict in his affair. He was going along so nice and easy, having his affair and keeping you around as an "option" - you screwed that all up. With you gone, he will be just him and the drunken OW. Since he lost you and is now being held accountable legally, his expectations of her will RISE. After all, she owes him because he scarified so much for her, right? That will cause more fighting in the affair. If you want to see how this usually plays out, read about Greg and Sue in Surviving an Affair.


He should never ever "trust" you to allow him to stick it to you again. He should never trust you to go along with his affair again.

"Sweetheart you can TRUST that I will never keep an affair of yours quiet. I am your wife and care about your soul and about keeping you mine. You can also bank on me always spying on you. You would never get away with another affair.

"But of course I would need you to be voluntarily transparent and remorseful if you wish me to remain in this marriage.

"I cannot control you, I don't have that power. If you were to wish to be an adulterer a murderer, an addict, a child killer - I couldn't control any of that.

"But I can control my reaction to evil and I will control what I accept in a husband".

Or just go paint your nails and let him figure the obvious points here.

Seriously you're not supposed to listen to him when he talks. Play a tune in your head.

Controlling!