|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
Member
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650 |
I have received book, and I am reading it, but I'm still a bit confused how this will make things better. Won't he just forget about me with no contact?
. Plan B doesn't do anything proactive to save the marriage. It doesn't stitch the wound to the marriage. But it does stem the blood flow. It prevents the adulterers continuing to attack you whenever they have a problem which is actually of their own making. You get to safety and they turn on each other. Without Plan B you'd be history. Make sense? It is however very positive for YOU. You can make an attractive life this way. For him to join or just for yourself. Besides, they all keep the letter.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2015
Posts: 350
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: May 2015
Posts: 350 |
Thank you Melody, and indiegirl.......your explanations are amazing, and truly helpful, they get right to the core of understanding that I was looking for.  I'm going to go look up what you recommended to read right now, Melody. con�fi�dence: A feeling of self-assurance arising from one's appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities. I like this one too..... "Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear � not absence of fear." Mark Twain
Last edited by Ginger872; 05/25/15 12:08 PM.
M: 47 H: 52
H asked for divorce: 3/31/15
H Moved out: 4/7/15
H Took divorce off the table: 4/17/15
I filed for divorce: 5/18/15
I entered Plan B: 5/21/15
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2015
Posts: 350
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: May 2015
Posts: 350 |
What you did by exposing and getting legal protection is caused great conflict in his affair. So what does it mean then that H has now friended her on FB, and is playing this out right in front of his family and friends? He hasn't been on FB for nearly 3 years before this. I only know of this because people were informing me of it the other day. I have him blocked, and they now know not to tell me anything. But I'm still wondering how to interpret this behavior? None of his family or friends responded to the posts in any way. She posted to his page, the same photo of the two of them that I shared during the exposure, and a picture of herself, he only hit "like" on both, but no response.
Last edited by Ginger872; 05/25/15 12:48 PM.
M: 47 H: 52
H asked for divorce: 3/31/15
H Moved out: 4/7/15
H Took divorce off the table: 4/17/15
I filed for divorce: 5/18/15
I entered Plan B: 5/21/15
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 136
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 136 |
Means nothing. My FWH did the same thing. Seriously, means nothing.
BW-27
FWH-31
DS-6
Married several years
D-Day- 11/22/13
Plan A+Exposure
NC+Beginning of Recovery-04/2014
In Recovery and happier and more in love than ever
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 136
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 136 |
They're trying to legitimize the affair.
BW-27
FWH-31
DS-6
Married several years
D-Day- 11/22/13
Plan A+Exposure
NC+Beginning of Recovery-04/2014
In Recovery and happier and more in love than ever
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 784
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 784 |
Hi Ginger,
I've been following your 'story' and you are doing terrific.
What does the FB thing mean?
Hard to say. This is what we know:
You are no longer playing their fool. You are taking charge of your life and it's on your terms.
You have been experiencing a loss. A disenchantment, disillusion, dis identification and other dis words.
Now you enter a period where you get to be creative and start to reframe your life.
Your WH has been cake walking and now he gets to experience a loss.
This FB thing is most likely an emotional reaction to his losses. You are now the change manager and he is attempting to see where the holes in your plan are.
BW 58
WH 61
married 35 years
2 adult children
2 grandchildren
"Love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one...It will not be broken, it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable...The only place outside of Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from dangers and perturbations of love is Hell" c.s. lewis
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2015
Posts: 350
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: May 2015
Posts: 350 |
Thank you!! I appreciate the answers to my questions very much. What I do find comical, is the folks who told me about this said his status still says married, and that he left my photos (photos of the grand kids with my pony, and a nice big deer I photographed) in his cover photo and profile photo, clearly with my photographer copyright signature on it for all to see (My studio name, and my name......I was a photographer). OK......moving on now.
Last edited by Ginger872; 05/25/15 01:19 PM.
M: 47 H: 52
H asked for divorce: 3/31/15
H Moved out: 4/7/15
H Took divorce off the table: 4/17/15
I filed for divorce: 5/18/15
I entered Plan B: 5/21/15
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2015
Posts: 350
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: May 2015
Posts: 350 |
I did speak with my insurance agent as well. As far as her driving the vehicle, there's nothing I can do until we have a final divorce, and I can remove him from the policy.
I was also told, if they have already issued a check for the garage repair, the only way to move forward is to get the paperwork back from H.....it will have to be requested he bring it to my lawyers office at the hearing.
M: 47 H: 52
H asked for divorce: 3/31/15
H Moved out: 4/7/15
H Took divorce off the table: 4/17/15
I filed for divorce: 5/18/15
I entered Plan B: 5/21/15
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650 |
He hasn't been on FB for nearly 3 years before this.
I only know of this because people were informing me of it the other day. I have him blocked, and they now know not to tell me anything. But I'm still wondering how to interpret this behavior?. Sounds like they want some external validation that it isn't just shameless pigpen rutting. Seriously desperate. People in happy relationships don't have the time or the need for FB approval postings. Do get yourself out of the drama though. They get worse before they get better.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650 |
What I do find comical, is the folks who told me about this said his status still says married, and that he left my photos (photos of the grand kids with my pony, and a nice big deer I photographed) in his cover photo and profile photo That's nothing - the WH always keeps his wife's things in the loop somehow. We've seen the OW given clothes and hobby gifts that are eerily similar to the BW's clothes and hobbies. And the dumb mistress actually wears and uses them!
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Ginger, you are not going to have any peace until you accept and understand that things were not actually "positive" before you exposed. That was an illusion. He was just using you and that status would have gone on for YEARS with you hanging around as an option while he carried on his affair. In many ways, you were unwittingly propping up the affair. His affair has to be very volatile since the OW is a drunk. But he could tolerate that as long as he could call or see you to add some sanity to his life. Now that you are out of the picture, the affair is very likely to go into a free fall.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650 |
I agree. In fact I think the main barrier to a full recovery will be Ginger liking Plan B so much she won't want to come out of it.
I would definitely see the affair becoming very miserable, very fast. It already is.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,788 Likes: 2
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,788 Likes: 2 |
I was also told, if they have already issued a check for the garage repair, the only way to move forward is to get the paperwork back from H.....it will have to be requested he bring it to my lawyers office at the hearing. Had you thought about reporting it as lost if it has not been cashed?
3 adult children
Divorced - he was a serial adulterer
Now remarried, thank you MB
(formerly lied_to_again)
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2015
Posts: 350
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: May 2015
Posts: 350 |
I never thought of it that way.....that I was the sanity to his current life. That does make sense. It never occurred to me that way until just now. I can see how the negative, and complete loss of respect from the customers and staff will be a benefit to that as well......with me out of the picture, and now that no one from his family acknowledged those pictures either, I can see how this could free fall. It's all starting to make more sense. How will him seeing me in court come into play with all of this? I'm planning to hold my head high, be confident, and let my lawyer take care of me.
Last edited by Ginger872; 05/25/15 02:16 PM.
M: 47 H: 52
H asked for divorce: 3/31/15
H Moved out: 4/7/15
H Took divorce off the table: 4/17/15
I filed for divorce: 5/18/15
I entered Plan B: 5/21/15
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2015
Posts: 350
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: May 2015
Posts: 350 |
I was also told, if they have already issued a check for the garage repair, the only way to move forward is to get the paperwork back from H.....it will have to be requested he bring it to my lawyers office at the hearing. Had you thought about reporting it as lost if it has not been cashed? No, I never considered that before. I know he has it, he told me a couple weeks ago. I spoke with our home loan officer, and she has to sign off on it before he would ever be able to do anything with it, and she won't because I told her what was happening.
M: 47 H: 52
H asked for divorce: 3/31/15
H Moved out: 4/7/15
H Took divorce off the table: 4/17/15
I filed for divorce: 5/18/15
I entered Plan B: 5/21/15
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 3,197
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 3,197 |
So what does it mean then that H has now friended her on FB, and is playing this out right in front of his family and friends? . The answer is...you are in Plan B and don't care one iota what his reasoning for this or anything else is. You will drive yourself batty trying to figure out the reasoning of a completely unreasonable and partially insane person, which is what a wayward in the fog is. So what you SHOULD be asking is...should I paint my nails red or do a frenchie?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2015
Posts: 350
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: May 2015
Posts: 350 |
Well, technically, for me, it's "do I want to play in Photoshop, and edit my sister's photos that I took of her adorable kids, or go brush the ponies?!" LOL! 
Last edited by Ginger872; 05/25/15 03:12 PM.
M: 47 H: 52
H asked for divorce: 3/31/15
H Moved out: 4/7/15
H Took divorce off the table: 4/17/15
I filed for divorce: 5/18/15
I entered Plan B: 5/21/15
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 3,197
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 3,197 |
Even better! But, I'm glad to see you get the point
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2015
Posts: 350
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: May 2015
Posts: 350 |
I'm still curious what effect him seeing me in court will have on the whole plan b situation? Does it start over from the beginning after that, or if I have no contact or conversation with him, it doesn't change anything? Does it make sense what I'm asking?
M: 47 H: 52
H asked for divorce: 3/31/15
H Moved out: 4/7/15
H Took divorce off the table: 4/17/15
I filed for divorce: 5/18/15
I entered Plan B: 5/21/15
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650 |
It won't technically break Plan B since you have no choice about being there and have not made yourself available to him. Avoid him entirely, avoid looking at him.
But in terms of your healing it will affect you - seeing him is painful especially once you've tasted a little peace. If at all possible ask for the court to see you separately or to keep you separate out of respect for your pain.
Dr H recommends ADs for something like this. To be honest they are a good idea for the start of Plan B anyway as withdrawal is the least fun thing ever.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBsurvivor, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
|
1 members (1 invisible),
479
guests, and
66
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
|
