You've barely had a taste of Plan B yet. From almost the minute you implemented it, you were anticipating the hearing, experiencing the hearing and I have no doubt you are now rehashing the hearing. Your Plan B preparations were all very good, and now this is out of the way you have prepared a safe place in which you can go through withdrawal. It isn't fun at all (incredible understatement) and I urge you to get anti depressants to get yourself through it. Blame the recent hearing and have your doctor put that on your medical docs in case they make you do this again.

No it's not fun at all, but it is temporary. The first three to four weeks are the worst - and no matter how positive a person you are, you wont be able to feel very positive at all. That's normal.

The only thing you can do is take care of yourself and not expect too much of yourself. Ride it out.

These days I don't consider myself to have lost very much at all by ending the marriage (At times I break out in a sweat over nightmares that he came back before I moved on into my amazing new life) but at the time it felt like losing a limb - and like I was expected to do the surgery on myself. Cold turkey from a 15 years dependency on the strongest drug known to man was no picnic and positive thinking was no help at all. It just out and out sucks.

But keep walking. You can get out from even the shadow of a mountain if you keep walking.

There will be no relief just yet indiegirl, I have things I have to do to prepare for July 9ths hearing. I was hoping it would just die down, but it won't. On top of that H will be here in a couple weeks to work on the garage. Maybe after that I can move on.

Then most certainly try getting anti depressants.

Can you get away for a while during the time he's due? Get alarms and locks on the property and go stay with a friend or take a trip.

You know your lawyer can file a continuance in 2-3 weeks to postpone the next hearing. You may want to ask her if you have to give a reason but usually you are allowed one without even having to give a reason. You shouldn't kill yourself in the D process GInger. Tell your lawyer you would like to drag things out a bit until you can get your bearings. The emotional turmoil, a new job, etc...it is perfectly understandable. There is always some reason you can offer for a continuance...unable to find all the documents you needed so why waste a hearing, a family member has fallen ill and you need to go help, you are fall ill, your attorney has a conflict that day, you have a conflict that day, etc.


No one is suggesting you "move on" Ginger but you do need to put one foot in front of the other everyday so you don't get stuck. Hugs to you.

I may go stay with my mom and step-dad, and do a little fishing, but I'm not sure yet.

My mom just left, and I sent her a slip of paper with how to find this site, so she can read, and learn what I'm learning. I thought it might help her understand as well. She's confused by alot of H's behaviors, and way of thinking, I thought if she could read here it might be helpful.

Thank you for the suggestion black_raven, I'm actually going to do that, because I am literally overwhelmed. The new job was hounding me for paperwork and lab testing yesterday, same day as the hearing, and now I have to schedule a physical before orientation. I'm feeling so dragged out, emotional, and I know when I start my job, I will be overwhelmed as well.

Ginger...if the business is truly worthless, then ask the judge to liquidate and divide the proceeds. Same as selling the house, selling and dividing the equity. If the business is NOT truly worthless your WWSTBXH will fight for it and try to assign a low value to it. Once it's NOT worthless, you can negotiate what it IS worth.-

He's trying to get me to speak to him again. Our lawnmower broke down a couple weeks before I filed for divorce, and H offered to have it picked up, and brought in for service, to be billed to him. It's finally repaired as of yesterday, and was supposed to be delivered to the house today. H intervened, and said he would speak to me to find out where it's supposed to be delivered, and who's supposed to pay for it.

He knows where it's supposed to go, we haven't divided property yet, and he's obligated to pay as of yesterday......and at least stand by what he said he would do.

So, I'm going to communicate with him via the intermediary. I know that's not what he wants me to do, but I refuse to let him take back my power, and get me out of my Plan B.

I have communicated this with my lawyer, but I won't hear from her till tomorrow.

Can anyone give me a sample as to how I should word my communications with him? I want to come across positive, but I wondered if there is a specific way to approach my communications with him via the intermediary?

Right now he is supposed to hand over the records for an account of the finances, they'll start with that first my lawyer said. He was ordered to give me back access to the bank account, and I will find out from the bank if there is more than one account where he could be hoarding money as well. This way I will know, and be able to follow what is going on financially as well.

He is also supposed to hand over copies of his daily reports, and receipts to my lawyer on a weekly basis. My lawyer did warn me there's only so much she can do to handle things financially, if he wants to hoard money, she has no actual way to prove it.

Say nothing. Absolutely nothing.

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Plan B should be complete silence. If he contacts your IM, she can respond to him in her words only.

If he contacts your IM, and she is unsure of what to say, invite her to email me.

Got it!

I have had to line up a new intermediary, my uncle is unexpectedly going to be gone for a fair amount of time, and my sister will be doing it for me now. I'm curious if when she's set up, and she makes the introduction to H , if there would be any valid reason to include a copy of the Plan B letter? H commented several times Monday that he didn't have a way to contact me, and I'm not sure if it's mind games, or truth. I know he got the original letter, it was gone from the PO Box when I checked, but he's always misplacing things too. I wouldn't doubt it if he did.

My understanding is that it's your intermediary's job to explain the conditions of Plan B to your H when he attempts to contact you directly or otherwise tries to undermine Plan B with your IM.

Oh, yes, she will be contacting him, not me, I have nothing to say to him. So are you saying not to include the plan b letter then, just let her do an introduction?

So you are sure he got your original Plan B letter, but not sure if he actually READ the letter? Didn't your uncle initially also contact him, to introduce himself as the IM?

My guess is he is using it as a tactic to attempt to manipulate the courts and make you appear unreasonable. What he is really saying is that he doesn't have a way to contact you *to his liking* and that, is not your business.

I do not see any reason why you need to include the Plan B letter again. You can simply have your sister reintroduce herself as your new IM. If he has any questions about what an IM is, what he is supposed to communicate through her, etc. (which he should if he never read the letter), he can ask her when she emails him.

Make sure she keeps a copy of her contact email, and any subsequent emails. She shouldn't be showing them to you, but it will establish if needed that he does have a way to communicate with you.

Yes, I'm sure he got the original letter, and read it, I checked myself that the PO Box was empty a couple days later. I did put a copy for the POSOW in her PO Box as well. My uncle did introduce himself also, but H has not emailed at all.

He tends to misplace things very easily, because of the chaos of the restaurant.......or maybe his whore......but either way, I'm sure your explanation is accurate. Especially since it seems he's trying to do stupid things daily trying to get me to speak to him.

Will definitely do! Thank you!

When you start your new job you may be overwhelmed, but hopefully it will also serve as a distraction from all this, give you a purpose and someplace to be, and connect you with people. Hang in there, you're doing awesome! Someday this will all be in your rear view mirror.