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Well, she read the basic concepts and isn't ready for MB. She says it is 5-6 steps ahead of where she is today. She's crawled so deep in a hole that she can't see tomorrow. She maintains that she needs to deal with her demons before she can consider working on us. This is probably the most difficult part for me. I have to wait till she figures herself out before I can learn if we are gonna work on us.
I've decided to be a better man. FOR ME. I'd love her to reap the benefits of the better man, but I don't get to make that call. I don't know how to live in the shadows...waiting for her to want/need me.
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I have been battling major depression with anxiety for years and have had difficulty dealing with our young children during their "rebellious" stages. My outbursts caused many problems both with the kids and with her. Adding to that, my doctors were constantly changing my depression medication to find a combination that worked. In 2010, things got weird.
The best way to describe it was that I fell into a fog. I don't remember much from that time. I know that I reconnected with an old girlfriend (not an affiar) and she questioned whether or not I was truly happy in my marriage. after our talks, she was convinced that I was giving up my own identity to keep my wife happy. I rolled with this and made a decision to separate by moving out of the house into our travel trailer to get my head together and find out if I could find my backbone. The day I was supposed to move, she found me almost catatonic sitting on the front porch. Needless to say, I didn't move out. We went back to counseling and things began to get better.
Here's where today's problem picked up its momentum. From that time in 2010 until about 6 months ago, I remained in the "fog" in one fashion or another. We were like roommates. My sex drive went to zero. We still hugged and kissed, but there was no real intimacy. My job was stressful and my fog was real. I coasted for almost 5 years. Hrm, looks like she 'lived in the shadows' waiting for you to want/need her for a very long time.
Last edited by unwritten; 06/05/15 11:09 PM.
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What does this mean? What kind of investigating have you done?
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Snooped quite a bit in April. If she led a Secret Second Life, she would need more hours in the day to pull it off.
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Snooped quite a bit in April. If she led a Secret Second Life, she would need more hours in the day to pull it off. Keep quietly snooping. Women in withdrawal can be vulnerable. She may not have a SSL but she could meet someone today or next week. If you catch anything that looks suspicious, come back here for advice. Do not confront her.
3 adult children
Divorced - he was a serial adulterer
Now remarried, thank you MB
(formerly lied_to_again)
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Today is our daughter's graduation party. W is doing her homework and I've been getting stuff from the store. It's amazing how civil two people can be when they aren't around each other.
It will pain me to see a genuine smile when our friends are here. When they leave, it will be back to just us and the smile will disappear.
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Snooped quite a bit in April. If she led a Secret Second Life, she would need more hours in the day to pull it off. You don't need any hours in the day to pull off a SSL. It can be done by phone and email while you are doing something else.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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I hope that's not an issue. I want her to crawl outta this cave and let us put MB to work.
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Made it through the evening. She got really reminiscent towards the end missing her daddy. I wish she would have let me be s shoulder for her.
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Snooped quite a bit in April. If she led a Secret Second Life, she would need more hours in the day to pull it off. She does not need hours in a day to carry on an affair. What kind of snooping did you do in April? Do you have full access to her phone, computer, social media accounts, etc?
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What kind of snooping did you do in April?
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both email accounts, facebook, all communication on her cell phone. We have an application on our phones that shows one another where we are. it has stayed active
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Scotty,
I heard your segment on MB Radio last week. Did you find it to be helpful? I thought you and the Harleys did a good job outlining the situation, but I don't recall hearing specific suggestions you could use to help bring your wife out of withdrawal. Maybe there was more to your conversation off the air.
Regardless, how are things going with you? Any LB's recently? Any signs of a thawing frost between you and your wife?
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As far as I can tell I've stopped the LBs. W is still pretty withdrawn. She focuses on work and her masters. This past weekend, I went out of town to help my mother and give W some space. My daughter stayed behind. There were some grumbling about my "running home to mommy" but in the same breath she said the silence was good. I'm living my life and being there to provide what she will allow.
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This past weekend, I went out of town to help my mother and give W some space. BAD idea.
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As far as I can tell I've stopped the LBs. W is still pretty withdrawn. She focuses on work and her masters. ...I'm living my life and being there to provide what she will allow. Sounds like you're doing the best you can given the circumstances. It must be frustrating knowing or suspecting that her love bank is closed to you, but all you can really do is continue attempting to meet her EN's in the absence of LB's, and hope that some of those deposits somehow make it through and have an effect. I can imagine that it's painful to have your love for her unrequited when you're apparently trying so hard. Hang in there.
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This past weekend, I went out of town to help my mother and give W some space. BAD idea. Please tell me why. My mother needed help and she needed me to give her space.
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You can't coax her out of withdrawal if you aren't there.
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Also a major part of the program is not being apart over night.
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