I suppose you are right.

Noooooo! That place is trigger central. It will just make your withdrawal drag on forever if you keep triggering yourself.

Consider the affair as a raging fire which has quite simply gutted and ruined everything it touched.

Plan B is about new scenes, new experiences - don't look back at the ruins!

Get your friends together and go to the beach, have a barbecue or a nice lunch somewhere new.

It gets very tempting to feel like 'I have every right' - because you do. But having the right to visit a trauma scene is not the same thing as it being a good idea.

So, at 4:30 pm this afternoon H decides to show up unannounced to work on the garage. He's not supposed to be here without permission, and he only has permission to be here next Tues and wed.

He's trying to call all the shots, on his terms. He's trying to manipulate me in ways besides talking to, or seeing me.

I don't want this to get ugly, but do I call the sheriff? He's just going to say "I forgot".

I do not know, but I would take pictures and document it.

I did get a picture of H's vehicle, and the other person that is here with him. I have emailed my attorney as well. He needs to follow the rules set by the court, and not try to make his own. He lost that right when he walked out, and had the affair.

Guaranteed, he's doing a half assed job, just to get it done. I'd like to know where the money is coming from for this.........since the business is in the red, and he couldn't pay me back, according to him.

Why don't you meet them somewhere else?

In Plan B you don't go where your WH will be at.

He's being quite inventive at breaking your Plan B, he couldn't do this if your supporters were physically nearby. If my FWH had tried this my father would have turfed him off the property. Can you just have it fixed yourself and remove his excuse? Would any of your friends come round and tell him to leave, or possibly supervise the work so it actually gets done?

Yes, we'll meet somewhere away from the restaurant.

I won't break Plan B......he actually makes me very nervous to be face to face with him, he's changed so much, and is very intimidating and controlling around me.

I don't have anyone close by that could come on short notice when he shows up, but I possibly do have someone that could finish the garage to the point all that's left is to install the overhead door, which the overhead door company can do without H having to be here. He left it a complete mess when he was here, inside and outside the garage, and left his cigarette butts all over the garage floor too. That was on purpose, because he knows I hated his smoking. Jerk!

My attorney told his attorney that H is supposed to contact me to agree on a date for him to finish the garage, but he hasn't contacted my Intermediary at all, so either he will just show up again, or put it off till he feels like doing it. He completely blocked off the service door, and the garage door opening, so he made it very inconvenient for me, on purpose I'm sure, to deal with it.....especially when hauling in groceries, I have to walk all the way around the house, through the long wet grass........because he's still holding my mower hostage too of course, and I can't mow lawn either.

His attorney is just as shady as H is! He's dragging out signing the temporary order too, so he can avoid supplying what he's supposed to supply as far as financial records. I'm sure his attorney is educating him on how to hide funds. My attorney sent an email stating she was filing it on Fri, and he had 5 days to object to anything.

I'm actually to the point I'm ready to move now. That had been a great source of sadness for me, but I'm tired of wondering when he's going to show up next. It's not worth it!

What H doesn't understand, is that the more stunts he pulls, and the more we have to involve the attorneys, the more this will cost. My attorney is trying to get the judge to agree that H pays my fees, and the stupider he acts, the better chance I hope I have of that happening.

If I bring someone else in to finish the garage, can I legally get in trouble?

Waywards will pull stunts that increase legal fees. Just expect that.

I would get the garage fixed and employ someone to mow the lawn. Take care of yourself better than this. Sell something or get that roommate you were talking about. Get into debt if you need to.

You won't get well until Plan B is locked in. I know you don't want to break it - but he is.

My attorney said I cannot get a roommate, if H finds out, guaranteed he will stop maintanence payments, and he will find out.....he only lives 20 min from me, I'm sure he's driving by at night to check on me.

I've sent my attorney an email this weekend, and said I will pay for the stupid mower just so I can get it home! She was trying to hold him accountable, but he's being an a*s about it......and so is his attorney. I sent her a picture of my lawn so she can see how important this is. She told me earlier that any debt I have to pay for, that he was supposed to pay, will just show up as a credit for me when the restaurant debt is itemized. It takes almost 5 hours to cut our lawn, it's pretty big, I couldn't afford to pay someone to cut unfortunately.

I am trying.....and I am taking care of myself in most ways. Eating very healthy, exercising, staying in touch with people, and I've been reading a lot too. Never been one for reading books before, but I've discovered I really enjoy it. I start my job next week too.

I found reading helpful too.

So can your husband legally stop maintanence payments if you have a new source of income? Wouldn't that rule apply to your job too? Or is it merely that your lawyer is afraid of angering him?

I was told my XH could prevent anyone he didn't want there from living in his property - but when I asked 'how?' it sounded like an unenforceable legal nicety I could have safely ignored.

This is a bit left field, but what about a room mate who gives you help rather than cash? Five hours worth of work a week on the lawn, plus domestic help. I know how hard it is even to cook when you are in this stage of dealing with things.

Your bank account - and hers come to that - could prove at any time no funds were being exchanged. And if she chooses to stock the kitchen with groceries, that's hardly his business, is it?

You'd have to know something of the person first though, because such an agreement could be open to abuse - it's not as clear as a monetary agreement. But you take a risk with any roommate.

You could ask your local church or shelter if they could recommend someone of good character who needs the same kind of support or company you do. There's loads of women in your shoes, it would be great if you could team up with someone else going through the same thing.

Funny, but a while back when my friend advertised for a female roommate they found out within hours they were both alone because they had both been betrayed....They are lifelong friends now.

A bit of a crazy idea but I do worry about you being on your own.

Thank you for worrying about me indiegirl, that makes me feel so cared about! I'm doing OK, I'm not afraid to leave the house if I'm leaving to go somewhere, but I don't hang out outdoors to much, other than to take care of the ponies, or sit on the deck.

My attorney said H would argue "why should he support another person living in this house by paying the bills?" She said if the person was willing to pay half of the house expense, it would be fine. The July 9th hearing will also be used to discuss my job, and adjust maintenance I guess......so technically, the job will effect maintenance too.

I'm ready to let the house sell, and move on, but H's actions will likely drag things out. He's very passive aggressive. At this point, like you said before, indie, I can see myself not wanting out of Plan B now too. I am actually beginning to see how aggressive and controlling he was, and how everything was my fault in his eyes. I have more sadness about everything else in my life being in disarray, and not so much to do with him, other than the overall loss of companionship. I've realized just how lonely I was in that relationship, and how it effected me emotionally.

If there is something I need to let H know, I can pass it through my Intermediary, correct? I have all his things packed, and in a specific location for him to pick up. I also need him to arrange pick up for his piano. I want it out.

If the piano has any value.....you should wait until the division of property so that he will have the value counted towards his half when things are split.

Thank you reading......it doesn't have any value.....he paid $50 for it, and honestly it should have been free, it's all scratched up. It's more a pain in my butt, it's in the way, and I have no room for it.

H is not cooperating with the Intermediary, he's not responding, and I have some very time sensitive information I need from him now. What to do? My attorney is out of the office this week, so she's not available.

I was contacted by the people who want to buy the house, they want to be in by July 30th, if we can't close by then, they want the option to rent. I need to come to a agreed upon counter price offer with H,but he's not responding.

For the buyer, they have an offer on their home, so our price is Dependant on the offer they accept.

I found out through speaking to the buyer, when they contacted H before our first hearing, he told them he was going to sit on the house as long as he could, he didn't want to sell. Then in court, upon hearing my attorney request I get use of the home, he went full force pushing for the sale of the home. He's also still dragging his feet at finishing the garage. I believe he's hoping to delay enough, that the buyers walk, and i honestly feel he's thinking he'll get me to move, and he can then move his whore in our home. I'm wondering if that was why he brought her here that first day he picked up his clothes. Let her see where they would live.

But right now, I'm just concerned about getting a counter offer in place, what can I do at this point? I have partially explained the situation to the buyer, and asked them only to be in contact with me at this point, and I would work with my H. I felt I needed to at least give them a small understanding of what is going on right now, so they understand any time delays.

I don't see what you can do other than getting ahold of your attorney and having her facilitate the offer. I am sure he would just love to have you contact him directly so he can tell you to go to hell.

LOL.....I'm sure he would, Melody.....but I won't put myself through that.

He's so foolish....he doesn't realize that if the buyers walk, all that will happen is he'll be stuck paying the mortgage that much longer.

Definitely contact your attorney. That is such crazy behavior.