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Have you read about the friends and enemies of good conversation yet? No, I haven't. Where is it? Here, and also in the Conversation chapter of His Needs, Her Needs: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5056_qa.htmlDid you read what I said to do with them?
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Join her whenever possible, especially when she's relaxing, engaging in recreation, or escaping. Come up with fun activities and invite her to do them with you. She may decline, but keep coming up with new things and asking her.
Stay in contact with her every day as much as possible. Call her during the day from work just to say hello and ask how she's doing. Use texting, instant messenger, email, or whatever other means of contact is available to you. Call her on your way home.
Read Dr. Harley's Q&A column on affection and start doing the things it lists, daily. Tell her you love her. Write her notes and leave them for her when you go to work or slip them into her lunch, books, or whatever else. Buy her a card. I believe this is what you were referring to Markos?
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W came home from work. It appeared she had a bad day. I went to the kitchen to give her a hug -- she sidestepped and started reading her phone. Went to the deck and listened to her talk about work. I decided that it was time to do some investigating. I asked her that if she could do anything she wanted for a week what would she do. She said Paris. I asked more questions to see what she would want to do and where she would want to go and it was nice to see her lighten up while answering the questions. Then she finished her smoke, grabbed her stuff and went inside without as much as a word.
Is that the definition of taking the good with the bad?
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W came home from work. It appeared she had a bad day. I went to the kitchen to give her a hug -- she sidestepped and started reading her phone. Heh - it bugged her a bit that you were being affectionate. It doesn't mesh with her view of you as a husband she's not in love with any more.  Went to the deck and listened to her talk about work. I decided that it was time to do some investigating. I asked her that if she could do anything she wanted for a week what would she do. She said Paris. I asked more questions to see what she would want to do and where she would want to go and it was nice to see her lighten up while answering the questions. You did good! Go on in after her and have an enjoyable evening with her.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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We met some friends for snacks and drinks. I love her smile. Just wish she would donut when it's just me.
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Try to finagle that around to doing something alone with you next time. Get creative, and be persistent and patient. So, I assume you're home now, so go spend time with her. Be charming and fun to be with, like a guy in high school who's interested in a certain girl and wants her to start dating him.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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I tried markos, I really did. she was more interested in diving into facebook then going to bed. I couldn't join her (not that it would have led to anything) because I still had work to finish.
I had a thought today. She says that I am asking her to act against the feelings she has by coming nearer to me. On the flip side, she is asking me to act against the feelings that I have by keeping my distance.
Cruel world, huh?
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I tried markos, I really did. she was more interested in diving into facebook then going to bed. I couldn't join her (not that it would have led to anything) because I still had work to finish. Keep trying. Ask her about her facebook conversations. Just like a friend would - you're interested in her life, and you want to be a part of it. I had a thought today. She says that I am asking her to act against the feelings she has by coming nearer to me. Part of me wants to respond to that by rolling on the floor laughing. It's so true. This is exactly how the love bank works. She has negative feelings toward you. She'll never know what hit you as you make love bank deposits and, gradually, her feelings change. BUT Let me hasten to add that this really sounds like a red flag for an affair! That sounds a bit like a woman who is feeling loyalty to someone else! Which makes it important to get some spyware going and find out who she really is talking to once Facebook, y'know?
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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she was more interested in diving into facebook then going to bed. 
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While I understand the red flag concerns, I monitor FB daily. Nothing going on there.
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While I understand the red flag concerns, I monitor FB daily. Nothing going on there. Keep it up. And make it a topic of conversation. Use conversation to investigate, inform, and understand your spouse. Did you re-read the friends and enemies of good conversation today?
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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I hope that your monitoring includes a keylogger.
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I have re read the conversation piece, and the key logger is in place.
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Trip out of town for the evening to see daughter's band play. She's kind of standoffish. Making the best of it. Planted seed for a little bit of intimacy tonight. Will see what happens.
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NOPE. as much as I tried, couldn't even get her to hold my hand in the truck on the way home.
Still, I persist
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How do I keep from being disillusioned. How do I persist in the face of such rejection? How do I stay on track without feeling lost?
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Think about all you have to lose if you give up. Maybe think about all the years your wife endured disrespect and angry outbursts. Given years of bad behavior it is going to take time to build up your account in her love bank because you are overdrawn.
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But remember, deposits can be made even if she doesn't want them, so keep at it.
Would it help to write out your plan overview then create a detailed weekly plan? That might keep you better focused.
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