Thanks markos. In the short term...I think it is working some. she has allowed some things that were previously off limits. She still makes sure that I know that a sign on her part doesn't necessarily mean she has come that far --- only that she is testing the waters.

My problem occurs when she is silent. As much as I try to avoid it, my mind runs away with all sorts of scary thoughts when she is completely disengaged. When we interact, things settle down. I am putting my effort into reducing/eliminating that anxiety so I can "allow her to miss me" as she put it.

I'm far from being an expert and appreciate all of the comments and direction.

What do you do when you are feeling anxious? Make sure that you don't become demanding, disrespectful, or angry.

Dr. Harley also has some good relaxation therapy exercises you can do to reduce the anxiety.

When I get anxious I get paranoid and imagine all sorts of stuff. Makes me want to go to her for reassurance. I know better and am working on it. I am using Dr. Harley's relaxation tips as well as those I got from my counselor a while back.

Thanks

sorry, forgot to address the other part of that.

I have made it a point to avoid the LBs. In fact, I have printed them on small sheets of paper. I have one in my money clip, one taped to the back of my debit card, one on the screen of my computer, one on the washing machine (i spend a lot of time there...lol) and one laminated and slipped into the cellophane of my cigarette pack. I refuse to let something under my control stand in the way of getting my marriage back -- better than it ever was.

You see, having studied Dr. Harley's writings, I have come to the conclusion that for almost 27 years, we were winging it. Its not surprising that we have had troubles. As far as I can tell, we both did almost everything wrong. Now, I don't tell her that she was wrong for 27 years....I'm not that stupid. There will be a time that, hopefully, she will get into MB and realize it for herself. For now, I am identifying my mistakes and putting a fresh face on tomorrow. I am learning to replace the poor choices of the past with wiser ones that I have recently learned.

When she had me move out in 2004, she didn't come back until she saw that I had given up and moved on. I'm afraid that it might take that for her to come around this time. I won't; however, voluntarily leave the house this time. I have learned the damage that can cause.

I am realistic in that this might not come together. If no, I will be a better man for the experience. As I told someone...I am becoming a better man for me. I just hope that she sticks around to reap the benefits.

Thanks again.

It's been 10 days and nothing has changed. I am not committing LB's and am trying to make deposits in any way that I can. I know that I need to be patient.

I'm doing the best that I know how.

Lets see.....she moved out on my birthday, we reconciled in january 16, bought a new house, things started going south again after about 6 months, now she's dropped "filed" divorce papers on me effective 28 Feb 2017. She feels that I never quit Manipulating everything and everyone around me in order to get what i want or to turn things around and make them all about me. maybe true. i got 3 doctors or psychologists trying to help me figure it out.

This one is done. I can see the writing on the wall.

You can figure it out yourself.
You never followed the program consistently and you and our wife where not in love.
What do you want to do?
You will only see good results if you do the work.
Are you on board?