My assessment is she started talking with HS boyfriend on Facebook, which led to an affair. She wants it to feel like a real relationship, so she pushed for separation. The romantic song was from him too.

Telling the kids she's dating is so they won't suspect him of breaking up the marriage. Which is stupid because she's still married.

But... I think it's him. If he's married he's a sitting duck.

[quote=indiegirl
But... I think it's him. If he's married he's a sitting duck.
[/quote]

I don't think it's the HS boyfriend. She didn't add him on FB until December and she was showing signs of cheating in October. Also he lives in another state. So her cheating with him would be difficult.

That would actually make it easier. But you need a PI to really know anything.

Here.
Private Investigators

I don't think it's the HS boyfriend. She didn't add him on FB until December and she was showing signs of cheating in October. Also he lives in another state. So her cheating with him would be difficult. [/quote]

She's protecting somebody though, right? Tells the kids loud and proud she's dating - so why the fort Knox FB page?

Women in affairs are under no illusions when they are with a married man. If his wife finds out 'before he's ready to be with me' = dumped from a great height. Hes probably already tried to dump her once already. She will have clawed him back with desperation.

She's been so hurtful this week! I know I had my part in the destruction of this divorce but she is treating me like this is all my fault..

Yesterday was BRUTAL! I can't remember all the hurtful things she said but one of the things that stands out was that her family hates me and could never forgive me for my part in this. Her family was like my own. She didn't get along with my parents and I always chose her over them. So much that my parents felt rejected and ended up moving out of state because they didn't feel a need to stay near us anymore. Now the only family I have known for half my life is done with me. I couldn't stop crying for about 20 minutes. After that I decided to go NC. She's begging to do taxes as we do need the money but she only contacts me when she needs something.

She is wanting so much in the divorce and taking everything that I worked so hard for. It's so hard thinking I have to give her everything in order to keep a little for myself! I am in law enforcement and I hit my 20 years in 2018. I could have retired then! Now she is threatening to take half unless I give her the house. And then she'll only take a quarter. She also wants 25% of the profits from my business as alimony. I told her that although our state is a no fault state, that adultery was cause for no alimony and I would be happy to have her answer to why there was a condom in my home! This pissed her off and she went on a tirade about moving the kids as far away as she could so that I couldn't see them as often and would be forced to pay more child support.

I worked so damn hard! Two jobs, overtime, a business!!! Everything I could so that this uneducated kid who got married to young and started having kids to early, could provide the nicer things in life for my family! I missed out on so much life! My kids life! My life!!! All so I could keep the person who is now rejecting me and abandoning me home to raise them... She's leaving me and taking EVERYTHING I worked so hard for!!! I am being left bruised and bloodied in the gutter while she walks away with the stuff I worked hard for...The amount of hours I worked in my 20s probably has put me well into 25 years of actual hours at work.. I'm emotionally and physically exhausted! I finally reached a point where we were comfortable! And it all comes crashing down... I can't work that hard anymore. I don't want to look back on my life and only see cement walls and plexi-glass!!! I'm so tired!! No one has ever taken care of me! No one has said to me "You worked so many hours this week, let me take care of that" or "let me rub your shoulders" or "let me make you your favorite meal"... My future is OT and HAVING to work my side business just to eat or buy gas for my car so I can go work some more.... I'm so damn tried!

Dont talk about divorce with her.

Prowl,

we totally understand how you feel. You did not deserve this.
But this is a marathon, not a sprint.
You van win this and actually your chances are good. You have a long history with her.
This can be turned around.

Please contact your doctor, because you sound as if you are really really depressed. He can describe antidepressants, so that you can take this 7-headed monster on. Please go to your GP.
You need a clear mind to win this thing.

All is not lost, even if you may feel you are at the bottom of a very deep black hole now and losing everything.
You cannot give up and hand her over to OM.

To fight you need a positive attitude and to be very tactical about this thing. You can do this, but may need some medication to be able to pull this off.

I just noticed this post. If she's truly concerned about your parenting abilities due to anxiety and depression, why is she leaving her children alone with you?

I would log every single visit, note that it's overnight, and even take dated videos of the children in case you need to fight for custody some day.

I would talk with an attorney about the 25% of the business for alimony too. That may be a pipe dream of hers. Hang in there. I definitely feel for you.

I've done some investigating and have figured out who one of my wife's affairs could be. They have been co-workers for years and he was never a threat because he was always "happily married". This man has been coming over to my home and my kids don't like it. After I asked my W about him the very next day him and his wife blocked me from Facebook.

He has been right under my nose the whole time. My wife went on a trip and she told me this man and "his wife" happened to be on the flight too... She told me later she was skipping my sons Dr. appt to go have lunch with this man "and his wife". She knew I would suspect him

I am being told to call this man's wife and ask her questions pertaining to the fact that I know. Find out if she really was with him all the times my W met with him.

What should I do? What should I say to her? I'm sure my W has told her I'm a lose cannon and crazy.

I just went and read your original post, and noticed you were out of the house. Is this still the case?

To answer your question. Yes you should gather all the evidence you can, and talk to the mans wife, and compare time frames and stories. Exposure is the key to bringing her back to reality.

She is still in the full on fog of the affair. You need to be doing the best plan �A� you can, and show her that you are the best father and husband. If she gets angry that you expose to the OM�s wife, then you tell her that you did it to try and save your marriage, because you still love her and want to fix things.

It's been over 3 months since you originally posted.

Did you ever hire that PI.

You NEED clear proof about Who the current or previoys 8 OM were.

By taking so long, her current affair is more deeply entrenched and you lose chances to break it up as each day has ticked by, plus she probably has become more bolder and assertive, even though she sounds like an abusive wife to begin with, based on the repetitive nipple twisting she resorts to as punishment to you when she doesn't get her way.

Time to study the Exposure 101 thread in Melody Lanes signature.

Have you done that yet?

LTL

Yes I am still out of the house... I didn't find out that this man was coming into my home until last week when my children spend time with me and told me about it. She's been on dating sites and apps so she is definately putting herself out there.

The divorce is only on hold because she ran out of money for her attorneys and the house is now in forclosure. She wants me to file a Chapter 13 with her to save the house and the 100K+ worth of equity in it. But the kick in the balls is she will continue to live in it for 3-5 years while we pay back the bank on our past due payments, and I wont. Although I will be the one making the payments for it.

The alternative is refusing to go along with that. Let the house go into forclosure and lose the equity in the house. It will also put an end of anything left to fight over and the divorce will easily go through. I am hoping to use it as leverage to have her reconcile but I honestly don't think that will work

What evidence do you have that it is this OM?

Why can't you move back into your house? Is the RO still in place?

The fact that she wont come clean is a major issue in my mind. If she has an Iphone you can find deleted text messages along with a ton of other info from her phone. Just look up recovering deleted text messages for I phone and a bunch of programs are available and you can do it right from the Itunes back up so you don't need her phone. I found Enigma recovery pro was the best program but it is one you have to pay for to see the info. I know what its like to live with that massive question in your mind. If your not willing to push her to the wall go through her phone email stuff everything than you might as well pack it in. If she has a gmail account there is a TON of info stored you just need to know her password. Just my thoughts...

Last week I found photographic evidence of my wife's affair. It wasn't who I thought it was before, it's a man I have no idea how she met.

That birthday trip she took to California... She took a selfie with her and this man and I recognized him from one of her contacts on a social media page she has. There were also pictures of them on other recent dates since then... I don't know if he is married or not but after researching him a bit I know where he works and a little about his religious background.

Unfortunately I came across this information in a way that could get me in trouble. She found out how I accessed this information and she is threatening to press charges if I try and confront this man.

I've been sick all week! I close my eyes and I see the images of them together. She tells me she "had" feelings for him, but wasn't in love with him. She also is leading me to believe they are no longer seeing each other and that she is dating other men.

I honestly don't know what to do anymore. I've come to realize that I was verbally and emotionally abusive to her over the past few years. I didn't make her feel valued or safe. This isn't re-writing history.. This is me talking to friends, family and even my own kids and hearing stories of how I talked down to her at times.

I have told her that the kids will see the pictures and know she was with this man when we were still together. She just told me she would tell them herself...

She's told me we need time to let the dust settle and let feelings and hearts heal. That there was a lot of hurt that she doesn't know if she can get over. She's calling it taking a "5 Mississippi". Can giving it time heal the damage done? Or is it just giving her more time to forge a relationship with someone else?

It feels impossible that I can do anything about this.

What you should do is expose the affair using the techniques in my exposure thread. Don't forewarn her, just expose the affair wide and far. When you are finished exposing, I would confront the OM.


That would be great. That way you could take your exposure much farther by getting the affair into a court record and possibly on the front page of the newspaper! After you expose, I would invite and encourage her to press charges so her affair can be dragged into the courts and the press.

**EDIT**

Yes, except I would lose my job in law enforcement and have no financial means of taking care of myself and my 6 kids. Not to mention possibly going to jail myself.

No, they would have to prove it in a court of law and adulterers are never willing to do that, because they have more to lose than you.

You are facing divorce as it is, and exposure is your only chance.