Here is my story in a nutshell...

On Jan.12, I came home to a scene that will never be able to leave my memory. My wife ***edit*** had locked up her phone, was dissapearing at odd times of the day and night and drastically changed her grooming habits. All the signs were there. In fact I noticed we had a box of condoms when I was sure there was none before. I counted them and took a picture as to remember the exact amount. Earlier in the month she insisted the only way to "save" our marriage was a seperation. So I moved to my birth mothers house for the week. Having returned that weekend I stayed in the house but there was much tension. That morning of the 12th she actually got up and saw me off to work. She sent me a text later to see what I was doing, and then called my work to get a hold of me (making sure I was there). That night my son had to get stitches and we took him to primary childrens. After returning home, ***edit*** my wife went into the master bedrooms bathroom and brought bathroom trash (toilet paper, etc) from there in her clasped hands and put it in the kitchen trash. The alarm in my head went off and I ran to the bedroom.

I opened the nightstand and counted the condoms. There were 9... I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach. I went to the kitchen and began digging through the trash. I found an empty condom wrapper. Again that kick to the stomach. ***edit*** my wife saw my alarm and grabbed me and escorted me to the bedroom and shut the door. I began crying and asked how could she! She grabbed my nipples and twisted them and said "If the kids heard that I am going down to the court house and filling divorce papers tomorrow!" A bullying tactic she had been using against me for weeks. We then went for a drive to talk and I listened to her tell me about how she had swept under the bed and found one and didn't want me to "freak out" so she made sure I didn't see it. We then returned home, she told me I had to fix what the kids had heard.

I sat my children down and told them what a great person their mother was. A woman that so loved her heavenly father that she would never dream of cheating on me. She stood there and cried as I told my children this. The kids then went to bed and ***edit*** my wife took the 1/3 full trash out.
Seeing her take that 1/3 full trash out made my head spin. What else was in there! I then went out to the dumpster and retrieved the trash bag. I quietly went back into my bedroom and into the bathroom. I began digging through the bag. At the bottom I found something that never leaves my thoughts. That haunts my dreams and has scarred me for the rest of my life. Inside was a used condom... At about this same time I received a text from ***edit*** my wife that said "I didn't cheat, I'm sorry" I began crying uncontrollably!

I don't know why she then came into my room, but she did. I held it up and asked why! She said we needed to go for another drive. Sitting in a church parking lot I heard her tell me that she has lots of friends that are having affairs... She told me about one of her friends and how she was cheating on her husband with the doctor that took care of her. She then told me a friends and her lover stopped by the house in their car. They had the used condom and asked if they could throw it away in our trash can. A trash can Dari just happened to be holding and then brought back into our home and put in our bathroom... I didn't believe one word but I wanted to. That night my wife slept in the same bed as me for the first time in months. She rubbed my arm as I cried myself to sleep.

The next day I was told by my wife that she had lied to me a lot of times in our marriage. She told me that her and her high school boyfriend had been intimate only once and she felt so bad she went to her bishop and never did it again. She told me that morning that was a lie. That they were intimate as much as they could be. She also told me about going up the canyon with a date and having sex with him. My whole life I thought I was my wifes second intimate enounter. I was lied to my whole marriage!

She then told me that if our marriage was going to have any chance that we needed a long seperation. That was the biggest mistake of my life. She wanted me out of the house. She knew that when she filed I would be at a disadvantage because I left the marital home. But because I was so desperate to save my marriage I left again.
Her birthday was January 22nd and she wanted to go to California to "sit on the beach" and think about our marriage. I knew she was taking a man with her... I was "allowed" to come home to watch our children while she went. I slept in that bed, the bed I KNEW she did unthinkable acts in. I had to have one of my children sleep next to me and placed my hand on their back to keep myself from crying. ***edit*** got stuck in Long Beach for 3 days instead of just being gone the one. How convienent. The whole time she was gone she barely spoke to me or the kids. I later learned her plane ticket said ***Do not give my husband any information, I have a protective order against him. Along with the name of another man she traveled with.
After another week of living with my birth mom I decided to go home. When I returned home ***edit*** my wife was in the bathtub. She became instantly angry about my arrival home and began singing at the top of her lungs "I hate everything about you" by Ugly Kid Joe. I begged her not to throw away our marriage. I followed her into the closet begging. As she came out I said "I hope whoever he is, he's worth throwing away our marriage" She looked at me, rubbed her body sexually, smiled, and said "There hasn't been just one, there has been eight and they all made me feel amazing!" (she also included this in her written statement to the police) At this I said "Did you hear that kids" and she punched me! I called the cops.

Once the cops were there I begged them not to arrest her. I put in my written statement that she pushed me instead of hitting me. I was so distraught! The cops told her that she should leave with the children and they went to her mothers house. A few hours later she returned to our home. She cried and said that her and the kids needed to be in the home.. (Of coarse she did, she counldn't maintain control of it if they were gone and I was there) I had no where else to go. I told her I would do whatever it took to save our marriage. I then emptied out my checking account to stay at a hotel for the week.

We saw our marriage counselor on that Tuesday. He told us that for us to work things out I had to be in the house. ***edit*** my wife sat there with her head in her lap and of coarse responded to nothing in the hour long session. I told her I had protected her from being arrested two days before by changing my story. She said "You should have just told them the truth. All they would have done was booked and released me". The session ended and we went our seperate ways.

That week I had one of my children spend a night with me each night in the hotel. The night my youngest spent the night ***edit*** my wife and I had an argument about when I could come home. She said I could come home Sunday, as I had nowhere else to stay after my week long reservation was up. That Friday morning she called. She wanted to know why I was mad and that I should be ecstatic because, as she put it, I "Won".. I was getting to come home. There was no win or lose in this... I just wanted to be in my house. Be with my family and animals.. Why was she so angry.

That night ***edit*** PD called me. They had a protective order that ***edit*** my wife had signed to make damn sure I couldn't come home. I was in shock. My Sgt I was having dinner with had to drive me back to my hotel.
Now, litterally having no where to live, my parents flew me to Florida. I stayed the week with them. I was so sad, so confused how someone you have been married to for 18 years could do something like this!

While in Florida I called my daughters boyfriend. He told me I needed to speak to my daughter as she had information about my wife. My Daugher told me how she had looked at my wife's KIK account (KIK is an app used mainly for sending nude photos or used by people having affairs as its messages are untraceable) and saw a "love letter" between a man and my wife. He sent her the Lonestar song "Amazing". She responded back saying she loved that song. He then told her it reminded him of her and that she was amazing. She responded back that he was amazing. Again there was that kick to my stomach. I cried harder at that time than I think I ever have in my life. I didn't sleep a second that night and was a zombie the next day. I will always hate that F'ing song now!!!
When I returned home from Florida I was informed my wife filled for divorce on Feb. 20th

It has been months since I have seen the inside of my home. Seen my dog or loved my cats. I am a shell of a man. I hurt constantly. I have been following a dating app since my wife mentioned it and saw her on it the other night. She's already trying to date... she has the phrases "don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened" and "today was great, today was fun, tomorrow is another one". She has already moved on! How does someone do that! I don't know if I will ever be able to move on! The pain I feel is worse than anything I have ever felt before!!!

Granted I wasn't the best husband either. I have a temper and I have yelled at her and our children. I became very angry this fall when she went to a club with her girlfriends because I don't think a wife should be such places without her husband. I read our texts back and forth about that situation and I am sick at how mean I was... But did I deserve all this?

Our entire marriage I worked 2 jobs! I worked so hard to provide for my family. I missed numerous occasions because I was working to provide. And now I am losing everything I worked so hard for!
I know she has made me out to be a monster. Poor ***edit*** my wife who is so scared of mean ol' ***edit*** betrayed husband. She has been aggresive towards me for months while I cowered. Begging for her to stay in our marriage. One night in the car she looked at me and said in a sarcastic voice "Poor ***edit*** betrayed husband, looks like a poor kicked puppy dog". Why? God, why did our marriage turn out like this!

On February 20th she filed for divorce. We talk on occasion and she is bent on a divorce. I have begged her to reconsider as we will probably lose the house and we will both be in finanical ruin.

She wont admit to having an affair but I know she has. She admits to turning to other men for comfort and support. She now talks to her HS boyfriend all the time and they are "best friends". I just can't do this! I feel so emotionally and physically drained.

She says we need to get divorced and "start over" as friends. I don't but that! She wants a divorce so she can be free to date and do whatever she wants to do that is fun...

Please advise!

You did a dreadful thing by enabling her addiction so long and helping to lie for her.

Lying to your kids has helped replace you with a new stepdad. I'm sure she liked that. Doesn't respect you though.

Are you ready to stop enabling her and expose this affair to everyone? It takes balls to do it the MB way but there is no other way.

You should not be helping her to have sex with another man with lies and giving her space. Are you ready to fight it instead?

Your wife thinks you're a vegetable who doesn't care who she sleeps with.

What evidence do you have for exposure of OM? Are you willing to risk her anger and fight?

I don't have any idea who the OM is.. I could be multiple men.. She blocked me on all her social media sites months ago. But it could honestly be multiple men.

I have the police record of her admitting to telling me that she was with 8 different men. In her words... I told her I was going to write up the story of what happened to us and include a copy of the police report and give a copy to the entire neighborhood.

There is a restraining order in place that wont allow either of us to see each other and I am not allowed near my house.

Welcome to MB.

Please read this Start Here First-Welcome SAA

When will the RO be lifted? Who makes the house payment?

Have you read the exposure thread? You need to expose the OM (you have his name from the ticket when she went to LA).

Is the OM married? Does he live in the same state as you?

You need to tell your children today. You need to stop lying to them.

You should click notify to have the moderators to move your thread to the Surviving an Affair area of the forum where you will get lots of help.

I have told the kids... She then tells me I am damaging them and that she is going to use that against me in the custody hearing.

I didn't get the full name of the OM that went with her to California because I had a friend look it up and she got nervous and only saw the name "Thomas".

I honestly believe she has had multiple affairs... I don't think there has been just one. I think she likes the attention she gets from multiple men.

The restraining order wont be lifted until after the divorce goes through..

I've always made the house payment. I stopped my checks from going into our joint account the last 2 weeks in February and I haven't given her any since. She's now telling me that she is going to go after me for back child support.

I'd give anything to save this marriage but she's blocked me at all the intersections. I'm not even supposed to have any interactions with her.

I'm so tired and depressed. I can't believe what she is doing. I told her I was going to make copies of the police statement where she admitted to being with 8 different men and pass them around the neightborhood. She told me it made her physically ill to think that I would do such a thing. HOW DOES SHE THINK I FEEL!!!

How often do you get to see your kids? Have your kids told her to stop her affairs?

Have you exposed to her family and friends? Your family?

Can you get to your doctor for some ADs?

Read this so you know you did the right thing.

Exposing to Children

Have you read the exposure thread?

Why did I leave my home! I was so STUPID!!!

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/u...&Number=1984719&nt=2&fpart=1

She wants to bring me the kids all the time!! I'm sure so she can bring her men into our home. If I can't take them she send them to sleepovers and their friends house. This happens all the time.

I've told my family and her family. When I told her parents about the condom she was standing there and simply said "it wasn't mine" I said "Of coarse it wasn't! You don't have a penis" Her father simply laughed at this. When I tried to tell her parents on a phone conversatin weeks later they simply blew me off.

I've posted my story on FB. She has blocked me and the kids from her page so we can't access her friends list.

I've been on medication for years for anxiety and depression. AND she is using that against me in the custody hearing.

Yes this is why we advise men not to leave.

Do you have a lawyer? Can you get the RO removed? She talks to you and brings you the kids. Can't you prove that the RO is false?

What does the actually RO say? You aren't allowed to communicate with her?

Are you documenting everything?

The RO says that we can communicate through email about the children... So that is really the only communication I have with her.

We have broken it on occasion to talk about taxes and my sons medical needs but it is basically kept to emails.

Yes I have a lawyer. He is very intelligent but isn't much of a bulldog. Her attorney is a bulldog and i'm scared she is going to take me for everything I have.

I am afraid there isn't much hope of getting the RO removed

Don't threaten, that's stupid. Stay quiet while you Plan.

You need to expose the affair, including exposure of at least one OM. Can you get a PI to follow her? Might also turn up stuff for the custody case. Hard to believe she's being a good mother right now.

You can also make a fake FB account to snoop with.

Can you call some PIs asap?

I have a PI that will do some investigating but it will cost me $500... I'm struggling right now with my attorney fees.

I honestly think she has moved on from the first affairs. She got really depressed at the end of January and I think one of her affiars called it off with her.

She started dating the second week of March. She told the kids that she was going to start dating. She is being a HORRIBLE mother right now. She will leave the kids and tell them she is going to the store and be gone 3-4 hours. My 11 yr old son can't stand her and calls her a liar. He sees through all her BS. I'm not going to fight her for custody. I will let my older children decide where they are going to live and hope they pick me. I just dont have the financial means to fight her for custody. She doesn't care about me or the kids. She just cares about having fun and $$$

She is VERY cautious about her FB account. She wont add anyone she doesn't know and deleted or blocked me, the kids and any mutual friends that we shared.

I wish I would have found you guys sooner. Like 4 months ago.. It seems like I have my hands tied because of the restraining order.

She has said she wants to go through with the divorce and then start over as "friends" and see if we can try again. I don't buy it. She always brings that up only when talking about letting her have the house. Giving me a false hope that we can fix things and be together BUT only if I let her have the house.

You need to speak to a criminal lawyer about the RO.

You are consistently violating it. It isn't reciprocal (judges expect "victims" to reach out to "abusers").

Get that dealt with asap. I would hate to see you violated when she gets pissed. Get it tossed, first.

Of course she's going to tell the court that you're damaging the kids with exposure. Right after she admits to her skanky affairs in a public court!

They all threaten it, never do it. Ignore.






Then a PI is a much better investment right now than a lawyer because evidence can both save your marriage and get you custody. Particularly as yours is super hopeless and has led you up a blind alley. you will only need a PI for a few days. While he gets good evidence you can interview new, super tough lawyers.




The truth is you have no idea. Affairees are commonly depressed and are on again off again. She's been giving you the impression she has lots of lovers but that's pretty likely just a tactic to make you feel hopeless.

Lips moving = lying.

It's highly likely she's protecting someone. Probably her HS boyfriend. Is he married?

If she were catting around with lots of guys she would have kept you home as a babysitter and manipulated you in different ways by calling you controlling if you didn't babysit.

If you can catch her with a married boyfriend she cares about, you will have struck gold and will be halfway to winning.


Please get off the ground and lawyer up. You are all your kids have. Start calling round for quotes and deals after you call the PI.




It's never too late to start doing it right



Yeah, you have time.


She's deathly afraid of exposure. She thinks that if she can get to the cleansing state of 'divorced' without people finding out, she's golden.

She probably does want to be your friend too. Most waywards want that. You get to do the hard work parenting, financial support while telling her you don't blame her at all for kicking your heart out.

You should take advantage of this to Plan A - don't respond to friendly overtures though unless you can legally. She might even lift the RO If it's the only way to be friends.

My assessment is she started talking with HS boyfriend on Facebook, which led to an affair. She wants it to feel like a real relationship, so she pushed for separation. The romantic song was from him too.

Telling the kids she's dating is so they won't suspect him of breaking up the marriage. Which is stupid because she's still married.

But... I think it's him. If he's married he's a sitting duck.

[quote=indiegirl
But... I think it's him. If he's married he's a sitting duck.
[/quote]

I don't think it's the HS boyfriend. She didn't add him on FB until December and she was showing signs of cheating in October. Also he lives in another state. So her cheating with him would be difficult.

That would actually make it easier. But you need a PI to really know anything.

Here.
Private Investigators

I don't think it's the HS boyfriend. She didn't add him on FB until December and she was showing signs of cheating in October. Also he lives in another state. So her cheating with him would be difficult. [/quote]

She's protecting somebody though, right? Tells the kids loud and proud she's dating - so why the fort Knox FB page?

Women in affairs are under no illusions when they are with a married man. If his wife finds out 'before he's ready to be with me' = dumped from a great height. Hes probably already tried to dump her once already. She will have clawed him back with desperation.

She's been so hurtful this week! I know I had my part in the destruction of this divorce but she is treating me like this is all my fault..

Yesterday was BRUTAL! I can't remember all the hurtful things she said but one of the things that stands out was that her family hates me and could never forgive me for my part in this. Her family was like my own. She didn't get along with my parents and I always chose her over them. So much that my parents felt rejected and ended up moving out of state because they didn't feel a need to stay near us anymore. Now the only family I have known for half my life is done with me. I couldn't stop crying for about 20 minutes. After that I decided to go NC. She's begging to do taxes as we do need the money but she only contacts me when she needs something.

She is wanting so much in the divorce and taking everything that I worked so hard for. It's so hard thinking I have to give her everything in order to keep a little for myself! I am in law enforcement and I hit my 20 years in 2018. I could have retired then! Now she is threatening to take half unless I give her the house. And then she'll only take a quarter. She also wants 25% of the profits from my business as alimony. I told her that although our state is a no fault state, that adultery was cause for no alimony and I would be happy to have her answer to why there was a condom in my home! This pissed her off and she went on a tirade about moving the kids as far away as she could so that I couldn't see them as often and would be forced to pay more child support.

I worked so damn hard! Two jobs, overtime, a business!!! Everything I could so that this uneducated kid who got married to young and started having kids to early, could provide the nicer things in life for my family! I missed out on so much life! My kids life! My life!!! All so I could keep the person who is now rejecting me and abandoning me home to raise them... She's leaving me and taking EVERYTHING I worked so hard for!!! I am being left bruised and bloodied in the gutter while she walks away with the stuff I worked hard for...The amount of hours I worked in my 20s probably has put me well into 25 years of actual hours at work.. I'm emotionally and physically exhausted! I finally reached a point where we were comfortable! And it all comes crashing down... I can't work that hard anymore. I don't want to look back on my life and only see cement walls and plexi-glass!!! I'm so tired!! No one has ever taken care of me! No one has said to me "You worked so many hours this week, let me take care of that" or "let me rub your shoulders" or "let me make you your favorite meal"... My future is OT and HAVING to work my side business just to eat or buy gas for my car so I can go work some more.... I'm so damn tried!

Dont talk about divorce with her.

Prowl,

we totally understand how you feel. You did not deserve this.
But this is a marathon, not a sprint.
You van win this and actually your chances are good. You have a long history with her.
This can be turned around.

Please contact your doctor, because you sound as if you are really really depressed. He can describe antidepressants, so that you can take this 7-headed monster on. Please go to your GP.
You need a clear mind to win this thing.

All is not lost, even if you may feel you are at the bottom of a very deep black hole now and losing everything.
You cannot give up and hand her over to OM.

To fight you need a positive attitude and to be very tactical about this thing. You can do this, but may need some medication to be able to pull this off.

I just noticed this post. If she's truly concerned about your parenting abilities due to anxiety and depression, why is she leaving her children alone with you?

I would log every single visit, note that it's overnight, and even take dated videos of the children in case you need to fight for custody some day.

I would talk with an attorney about the 25% of the business for alimony too. That may be a pipe dream of hers. Hang in there. I definitely feel for you.

I've done some investigating and have figured out who one of my wife's affairs could be. They have been co-workers for years and he was never a threat because he was always "happily married". This man has been coming over to my home and my kids don't like it. After I asked my W about him the very next day him and his wife blocked me from Facebook.

He has been right under my nose the whole time. My wife went on a trip and she told me this man and "his wife" happened to be on the flight too... She told me later she was skipping my sons Dr. appt to go have lunch with this man "and his wife". She knew I would suspect him

I am being told to call this man's wife and ask her questions pertaining to the fact that I know. Find out if she really was with him all the times my W met with him.

What should I do? What should I say to her? I'm sure my W has told her I'm a lose cannon and crazy.

I just went and read your original post, and noticed you were out of the house. Is this still the case?

To answer your question. Yes you should gather all the evidence you can, and talk to the mans wife, and compare time frames and stories. Exposure is the key to bringing her back to reality.

She is still in the full on fog of the affair. You need to be doing the best plan �A� you can, and show her that you are the best father and husband. If she gets angry that you expose to the OM�s wife, then you tell her that you did it to try and save your marriage, because you still love her and want to fix things.

It's been over 3 months since you originally posted.

Did you ever hire that PI.

You NEED clear proof about Who the current or previoys 8 OM were.

By taking so long, her current affair is more deeply entrenched and you lose chances to break it up as each day has ticked by, plus she probably has become more bolder and assertive, even though she sounds like an abusive wife to begin with, based on the repetitive nipple twisting she resorts to as punishment to you when she doesn't get her way.

Time to study the Exposure 101 thread in Melody Lanes signature.

Have you done that yet?

LTL

Yes I am still out of the house... I didn't find out that this man was coming into my home until last week when my children spend time with me and told me about it. She's been on dating sites and apps so she is definately putting herself out there.

The divorce is only on hold because she ran out of money for her attorneys and the house is now in forclosure. She wants me to file a Chapter 13 with her to save the house and the 100K+ worth of equity in it. But the kick in the balls is she will continue to live in it for 3-5 years while we pay back the bank on our past due payments, and I wont. Although I will be the one making the payments for it.

The alternative is refusing to go along with that. Let the house go into forclosure and lose the equity in the house. It will also put an end of anything left to fight over and the divorce will easily go through. I am hoping to use it as leverage to have her reconcile but I honestly don't think that will work

What evidence do you have that it is this OM?

Why can't you move back into your house? Is the RO still in place?

The fact that she wont come clean is a major issue in my mind. If she has an Iphone you can find deleted text messages along with a ton of other info from her phone. Just look up recovering deleted text messages for I phone and a bunch of programs are available and you can do it right from the Itunes back up so you don't need her phone. I found Enigma recovery pro was the best program but it is one you have to pay for to see the info. I know what its like to live with that massive question in your mind. If your not willing to push her to the wall go through her phone email stuff everything than you might as well pack it in. If she has a gmail account there is a TON of info stored you just need to know her password. Just my thoughts...

Last week I found photographic evidence of my wife's affair. It wasn't who I thought it was before, it's a man I have no idea how she met.

That birthday trip she took to California... She took a selfie with her and this man and I recognized him from one of her contacts on a social media page she has. There were also pictures of them on other recent dates since then... I don't know if he is married or not but after researching him a bit I know where he works and a little about his religious background.

Unfortunately I came across this information in a way that could get me in trouble. She found out how I accessed this information and she is threatening to press charges if I try and confront this man.

I've been sick all week! I close my eyes and I see the images of them together. She tells me she "had" feelings for him, but wasn't in love with him. She also is leading me to believe they are no longer seeing each other and that she is dating other men.

I honestly don't know what to do anymore. I've come to realize that I was verbally and emotionally abusive to her over the past few years. I didn't make her feel valued or safe. This isn't re-writing history.. This is me talking to friends, family and even my own kids and hearing stories of how I talked down to her at times.

I have told her that the kids will see the pictures and know she was with this man when we were still together. She just told me she would tell them herself...

She's told me we need time to let the dust settle and let feelings and hearts heal. That there was a lot of hurt that she doesn't know if she can get over. She's calling it taking a "5 Mississippi". Can giving it time heal the damage done? Or is it just giving her more time to forge a relationship with someone else?

It feels impossible that I can do anything about this.

What you should do is expose the affair using the techniques in my exposure thread. Don't forewarn her, just expose the affair wide and far. When you are finished exposing, I would confront the OM.


That would be great. That way you could take your exposure much farther by getting the affair into a court record and possibly on the front page of the newspaper! After you expose, I would invite and encourage her to press charges so her affair can be dragged into the courts and the press.

**EDIT**

Yes, except I would lose my job in law enforcement and have no financial means of taking care of myself and my 6 kids. Not to mention possibly going to jail myself.

No, they would have to prove it in a court of law and adulterers are never willing to do that, because they have more to lose than you.

You are facing divorce as it is, and exposure is your only chance.

**EDIT**

I don't know what else to do.. I feel that this is an impossible, daunting task.

Prowl, I can see why you feel that this is hopeless. The reason Melody brought up exposure again, is because nothing ever happened to break up, or cause trouble in her original affair. That man, whoever he may be, has had absolutely no consequences for the damage he has done to your family. I can tell that from how your wife reacted to threatening you not to expose him or else, she still has feelings for the man. No matter what she tells you.

Even though you treated her in a way that was unacceptable, you can change, and you can show her that you are capable of being a loving caring husband, and keep telling her that you want to build a marriage that both of you will feel safe and secure. You need to expose that OM ASAP, and then continue to show WW, that you love your family.

It is doubtful that the way you got the info is actually illegal, especially if you are in the US.

^^that was to encourage youth expose.

I figured out her email password and hacked her email.. It's definitely not legal. I've spoken to my L about it and he said I probably shouldn't have done that.

I could lose my job and go to jail... She has the proof that I did. IP address don't lie.

I would love to expose this but I am worried about the repercussions.

Your lawyer does not know what he is talking about. You could have found the page open. Happens all the time. She is not going to know you guessed her password.


There is no IP address connected with a hack into someone's email. Besides, if you did this at home, the IP address you used would be the same one she uses.



Time to get your brave boots on.

None of this is illegal in the US. Her computer is marital property. You have every right to see how your property is being used.

You may be thinking too much like a LEO. But you are not acting in that capacity. You have no need for a warrant to investigate in this situation.

Well I have been out of the house for over 6 months and we have restraining orders against each other. I looked at her email on my work computer. Definitely something I could get in trouble for.

As for the IP address, GMail does have an option to see where your email was opened from. She has sent me the screen shot.

This makes a huge difference. Was the protective order related to stalking or domestic violence? Did you access the account from her residence or yours?

Based on what you have shared, i would not expose anything from the email you hacked into.

So I just found out that the man my W has been bringing to my house, and telling the kids it's her friend from work, is actually the man I found in the pictures last week!!! She's been telling the kids it's her friend "B" because if they told me I wouldn't suspect anything. I showed my S8 a picture of "B" tonight and he said "That isn't "B". So I showed him a picture of OM and he said "Yea that's "B". But his name isn't "B"!! It's OM that I found a picture of her and him together.

I called her and confronted her with this... She played way nice! Told me that she even wanted to try and go to lunch with me next week... 10 minutes before this conversation she was telling me she couldn't stand me and didn't want ti even talk to me. Funny how her attitude changed once I discovered that the OM has been in my house and introduced to my kids as a different name...

Prowl, are you going to expose or are you going to continue to dance when she says dance?

What on EARTH are you confronting her for? She already knows she is having an affair!

While you dilly dally your kids are exposed to the OM and this is very unsafe. Thanks to the RO you can't simply move home and protect your kids. You could have lifted this ages ago with PI evidence.

Are you willing to finally expose and run this guy off? You should also be gathering evidence to overturn the RO and get full custody.

While your kids are in danger it is ridiculous to be scared of getting caught looking at emails.

Use PI evidence to expose if you have to. It will take two days.

You will not get anywhere with gold stars from your wife.

Oh.. very important. Go to his FB page and copy all his contacts into a word doc before he blocks you.

This is very important since you have tipped your hand before exposure.

This guy doesn't have a FB page... At lease not one I can find. I've even had friends try and look him up and he just doesn't exist. The only reason I discovered his first and last name in the first place was because he was following my W on soundcloud. He doesn't exist on there anymore either. He only has a linkedin account that I can find.

Prowl, The reason she became instantly nice, is because she is afraid of him being exposed. Just like you have been told from the beginning, the reason you have never had a chance at making love bank deposits is because this man is in the background. Do you see now that he has never really been gone? The affair has just become more and more entrenched.

If you will expose this man, you have a chance of recovering your marriage. You don�t need to use the emails as proof. Just find out everything you can about him, and expose to everyone you can prove that he knows. Tell them that he is having an affair with your wife, and you have proof. If you just let this sit without exposing, then you will never have a chance.

Prowl,

I understand you may be concerned about exposure because of the restraining orders but you have a right to expose to anyone who you are not explicitly forbidden to contact by the restraining order against you.

So if the RO covers only harassment towards your wife, it is not unlawful for you to expose to her family, as they are also your family. Your lawyer may have concerns but if he has cajones he will understand that it is only reasonable and due diligence for a man in your situation to appeal to his wife's family for help. Not every lawyer will have cajones or good sense about this.

Also it sounds like you and your wife are communicating despite the RO. I hope you are documenting every time she contacts you because each time she initiates contact it makes any future legal argument she may make that you're harassing her very weak. Someone who's claiming to be stalked does NOT contact their alleged stalker, and you need to be documenting and stockpiling all communications she sends to you in case she tries to pull this on you down the road. I'm advising you on this from personal experience.

You didn't answer my questions about the email, and depending on the answers the email might become a problem for you down the road, but you can't change or worry about that now. You need to fight this, and the fact that you've managed to get an RO against her is a good cushion for you in case she tries to make this nasty. It will probably make the situation look less serious to a judge.

There are lots of ways to track somebody down but the simplest in this case is to have a PI follow him. Once he has a name and address you'll also need a background check on this guy since he has access to your kids.

So very, very often the OM is a pretty bad dude. Even if the WW has had traditionally good taste. I'm not at all reassured by the fact he uses ghostly social media accounts to sniff for married women.

Have you tried looking for people with the same name in the area?

If you've found his linkdin account then do you know what he does? That narrows the field considerably.

Have you tried googling his name "Joe scumbag" in speechmarks together with his occupation to find his workplace?

Like this: ("Joe scumbag" + occupation)

You can add the town or region too for better results. Try a few search engines.

Oh and of course, white pages and the phone book.

Well I exposed it all to my kids... The fake name, the trip to California, everything. She's furious! She told me if I don't sign the papers this week she'll press harassment charges.

She told me Our S13 started calling him "B", so they just went with it. Her parents have met him and know the kids call him"B" instead of his real name. They said they really like him. She told me she has feelings for him that she never had for me...

I can't take all the emotional attacks. I just wanted someone to love me. I thought that was her. It seems no one has really loved me through out my life.
_________________________

Prowl, can you finish all exposures if you have started them? You are supposed to do them all in 24 hours. You really need to find OM fast now.

You seem to be emotionally driven after so many months of this. Can you look into getting ADs when you are done with exposure?

You aren't going to get through this if you keep talking to her, listening to her and having such emotional reactions. Going off half cocked is not helping. You have to stick very logically to a plan.

Are her parents adulterers? You would just exclude them from recovery if you kill the A. Keep going.

She says that she had checked out of our marriage in October so everything that happened after that time didn't matter because although a piece of paper said we were married, in her heart we weren't... Her parents didn't like my treatment of her and are just happy that she is meeting nice guys that are really nice to her.

She tells me OM and her saw each other for months, and although she has feelings for him, she broke it off as he's not exactly what she is looking for. She is dating other men but she hasn't ruled out OM as someone she may want to be with in the future.

I really, really just need to learn to let go. You can't beg someone to love you. That's all I ever wanted. I messed up. I didn't treat her as good as I could have. We had a lot of things against us getting married so young and having kids so quickly. She made the comment about treating your woman good or another man will. That's exactly the mistake I made. I knew better and I took it for granted. it is what it is... Again I can't make her love me or fall back in love with me. We had a good but not great marriage and she wants to find that great love. I guess i'm just scared I wont be able to. I don't have a lot of self esteem and I don't know if someone will love me again. I'm not bad looking and I'm in pretty good shape, I just don't have the confidence.

She was a great woman and a great wife. She put up with a lot. She put up with us as long as she could and then she just couldn't anymore. The older kids say we weren't a good match. They're probably right... I just hate seeing my family fall apart like this.

Maybe someday I'll find love again.

Prowl,

You are severely gaslighted right now. Everything you just typed is right off the wayward script that many of us here have read dozens or hundreds of times from cheating spouses.

You need to understand that your wife is MANIPULATING you right now by feeding you that line of excuses, and her parents (who are immoral people) are doing the same. All of them need you to believe this and to be driven into the ground with guilt in order to feel justified.

You're right that you can't beg someone to love you but you are not in the wrong for trying to court her and expecting her to work with you on the marriage. That much was part of your vows, no doubt.

Poor marriages do not cause affairs. Plenty of betrayed spouses weren't exactly getting their needs met either and still did not stray, and any betrayed spouse suffers tremendous abuse during and after d-day, yet most do not have revenge affairs.

In fact we often have to try very hard here to convince women and men who are being physically abused by their partners to separate, and they are usually reluctant.

The reason your wife had an affair is because she has poor boundaries around other men. That is the only reason. Your wife's comment about "treat your woman good or another man will" is an excuse she has probably internalized herself to help her deal with guilt and reconcile the obvious incompatibility of such an idea with the concept of marriage. You are too close to the situation to see this but to an outsider that sentence reeks of selfishness and self-centeredness. Not attractive at all. She is deep in the fog, and I would guarantee you things are not over between her and OM.

Marriage is to forsake all others. Period.

And YOU must understand that her goal (and OMs...and her parent's) is to make you think this is about YOU and not about an AFFAIR. This is NOT about you. This is entirely about an affair.

If you want your self respect and self esteem back, FIGHT. Fight this. And don't believe another word of this crap about all of this being your fault. If you mope around in the lies they are feeding you right now, you could be depressed for a very long time.

If you draw the line and fight back you will see the liars look at you like deer in the headlights. It's the last thing they are expecting.

Did you finish your exposure? Take you manhood back and throw light on the deeds of darkness. Have you asked everyone to help you save your marriage?
Your chances are actually very good. What kind of man do you think would have an affair eith a married woman with 6 children? I can tell you that this sleazebag is not doing that because he envisions replacing you as their father.

This will fall apart and you will speed the demise of the affair by exposing the affair for the world to see. Everyone in their right mind will immediately see that you marriage dhould be repaired. Everyone but the greatest moron.

So, how is your exposure coming along?

And don't forget to expose her to all of the church.

why are you listening to the drunk????!!!!

Cut off the alchohol source!

Expose.

It sounds like your only goal here is to get her to speak nicely to you. She wont.

Focus on the affair. Wake up.

Screwing her in her marital home? Behind their wives back? Spitting in her face more like.

It's a nasty little addiction and you could easily ruin it. If she can tear you down emotionally though you'll leave her with the crack pipe.


Worse than this has been recovered prowl but only when the guy does the steps and stops listening to nonsense.

At this point even if she were to say 'you are my only love I am so so sorry' it would be a lie and a trap.

Anything she says before YOU have bust up the affair is a lie.

So, please, please please stop sitting around waiting for her to do your job of protecting the family.

Currently your little boy is the only one protecting the family and trying to protect his mother from this man.

Did you actually speak with her parents and present all your Intel on this internet booty Hunter? Or are you just listening to your wife again?

She's basically told me she should have left the marriage years ago but stayed because she didn't think any man would want her with 6 kids. She's saying she's finding lot of great men that don't care how many kid she has and they are men that she has more in common with and she feels safe with.

She then asked of we did get back together if I could handle her being friends with men she kissed or "done other things with". I told her if she chose us I would deal with that when it came. She said she is unwilling to give up some of the men friends she's made and asked how I would feel if she wanted to do lunch with "OM". I told her I would not be okay with that. I asked her if she would want me having lunch with my EA from my past. She didn't say anything.

This morning she have me the whole "we need to start off as friends again, as right now were not even that" I don't like being down graded to a friend. Currently my job may be in jeapordy as I can't focus and have been a mess. She's concerned about that and I think it's the only reason she's being kind today.

I've been laying down all day and just listening to my heart pound in my chest. It aches and it hurt. My whole body hurts. I just wish she would love me enough to want to come back. That I meant enough to save our marriage. I don't feel very worthy of anything right now.

Sir,

You need to force yourself to get out of bed and be productive.

Nobody is interested in what a liar and an addict has to say. We are more interested in what you are doing to discover the truth she's hiding and protecting your children.

If you need anti depressants to get out of bed then for the love of your kids - take them.

Behind the addict, your real wife might still be in there but lying on the bed won't free her.

Listening to the addict lie is the worst thing you can do. It will break you.

Your poor children have done more to fight the A than you have. More to find the OMs identity.

It's perfectly obvious there is one guy, probably married. Every time you get close to uncovering the identity of OM or 'B', she comes up with these stories of how there are multiple guys and it is pointless.

Red herrings designed to protect her addiction. She knows you are the guy who can bust this up and win her back. She knows B will likely dump her if his wife finds out.

If that happens, her addiction is over and after a period of withdrawal she will resume her old personality.

Prowl, you have photographic evidence and know he is being introduced to your kids.

Unless you can
a) get out of bed
B) stop asking your wife to do the job at hand
C) find and expose OM to his circle and spouse, expose to WW family, mutual friends and your own family.

I see this as hopeless.

These tasks shouldn't take no longer than 24 hours. Your call.

I had all the kids last night and my oldest son decided that I needed to know what else was going on. He told me that OM has actually been staying overnight. She will farm the kids all out to sleep overs and bring him over. My son saw his car late one night and then my son came home around 6:30 and his car was still there. My W has made it so no one can get into the house unless she opens the door. That allows her and her OM to i'm sure get dressed and act like everything is fine when the door opens. My son has also caught them numerous times making out on the couch.

But the latest news I gathered was that he himself is currently going through a divorce. I don't know if that is code for "still married" but that does help things. I just don't have any idea on how to get a hold of his spouse.

Last night my son and I drove by the house at 12:30, just as her and him pulled into the driveway. They jumped out of their car and ran into the house. My son jumped the fence and went in through the back door. He caught them trying to hide in the bathroom. She then came out and approached me while on the phone with the police. remember we have a RO on each other. I was at the curb so I wasn't breaking anything.

we ended up leaving. She called my this morning. and told me I just pushed her further into his arms by making him have to "save her" from me last night. The wuss stood behind the front door and peaked out. Real big hero.

Anyways I'm just F'ing exhausted... The boys tell me she has a picture of them framed and on her desk. She never had one of us. It's worthless fighting for someone who is so in love with someone else. Maybe they are soul mates? maybe they do belong together... She obviously really wants to be with him.

Prowl, get a grip here.
There is no such thing as soul mates.
You have been here long enough to know the love bank concept.
Any married man willing to lure the mother of 6 children away from her lawful husband is a ****.
Soneone who really loved her would never put her in that position. Yes snd he IS a whimp.

Now you stop being one yourself. Stop quivering and hiding in your bey and reexpose. Someone will know this person. Licence plate etc. You can have him followed on the way home. He does not have a restraining order on you does he?

Have you contacted OM's BW to find out the real story about the divorce?

Sir,

I encourage you to visit your family doctor and ask to be prescribed anti depressant medication. Dr. Harley often encourages betrayed spouses to seek medication so they can function during the turmoil of an affair.

Prowl, my heart breaks for your son because he is fighting an affair in his home all by himself.

He has brought you so much Intel, pretty much everything except OMs address. I'm sure it's only a matter of time before this resourceful kid follows him home for that.

Get a PI to find out everything about this guy. Or use white pages, the phone book, internet search his name in quotes "John doe" together with his town, or occupation. Look on Facebook for people who are related to him. Get a friend to follow him. Very quickly!!

I know you are struggling a huge depression. I know we are asking you to run on a broken leg. But for the sake of your son who keeps coming to you, can you please find this guy and expose?

TODAY?

I dont want to yell but you sit there on the train tracks doing nothing as it bears down - with your kids in your arms.

I found him! I now know where he lives and his wife's name!! She actually sent me a Facebook message on July 8th but I didn't see it until I found out who she was and sent her a message. She just barely found out in July about their affair that has been going on since November.

She asked me if I knew if it was STILL going on and that she was heartbroken...

I tried messaging her back but I was immediately blocked by "her" right after I sent the message. Her husband works in computers and I am thinking he has access and blocked me.

Then you should visit the wife personally, while he is at work to compare notes and see if she has tangible evidence. You do not want to brief the wife about exposure, because she may let something on to her husband.